Should I be worried?

Just recently I've enjoyed exercising as it feels very good to get my pent up energy out. I've also read that it increases your testosterone level, and today I've exercised quite a bit and a little while ago I just punched my speaker and caused a dent in it. I was using my computer and it would respond as if i double clicked when I only clicked once on my mouse. Each time this happens it frustrates me more and more and I do things where I flail and grab at my face. Eventually it happens and I grab my speaker and just go SMACK SMACK SMACK right into it. I've only really done this with inanimate objects and sometimes I hit myself, sometimes I'm not even mad but just energetic or happy and I do it. But I've read some some checklists for possibility of an abusive partner and it listed this as one and, ugh, now I'm really bothered. I think I have good impulse control honestly, sometimes I feel numb or repressed and so I purposefully get excited and physical when I'm by myself to get in touch with my emotions. I don't know if it is a good practice though? I love people so much and I love being respectful to them, and I don't ever get physical or even get near them without knowing they're comfortable. Most of my anger isn't at people but at little things physical triggers, usually that repeat. Like a fan creaking, or gum smacking, and I explode but then in like five seconds it's gone. Nobody sees me get angry.

Look into Intermittent- Explosive Disorder. You actually most likely have poor impulse control, as you are smashing computer speakers, which is very irrational, and you knew you would break it, but didn't care, as the drive to destroy it was too strong.

It sounds like your depressed, but also have quite anger. You should just re-direct it towards exercising etc. The fact you don't hurt others, is good. I would NOT be worried if I was you. Just learn to relax and $#%^.

But definitely look into intermittent-explosive disorder. Whether you have it or not, you will learn tactics used by people who do, in order to control rage.

I'm 22yo male who doesn't have the worst life but still feels extremely stressed. I find relief in a way that makes me question my sanity.

I work as a line cook and my new sous chef is a complete asshole to say the least - degrades me, makes me feel stupid when I ask him questions, makes my time there a living hell. Just uncomfortable, not apart of the team. I'm proud of what I do and I've never had a problem with anybody prior. I enjoyed my job, I enjoy the people. They seem to enjoy me. Some approach me and say that he treats me like $#%^. "just stick it out man you'll be alright everyone sees it" "it's not right, I hear you". I feel like I'm under a microscope all day, nit-picking everything I do. He doesn't treat anyone that works in that restaurant they way he treats me. (That was a rather conservative vent session on him...)

It has me so pissed at the end of the night to the point where I will think about what he would say tomorrow, and rage out loud everything I would say back to him. I would look right at the air between me and the walls of my room and say everything just short of go ###$ yourself. Hand motions, facial expressions, tone of voice - I would really play the part, imagining being in the kitchen / in the moment. I would anticipate a reply I have yet to call accurately. I've recently noticed it to be weird and when I think about it, I've talked to myself / thought out loud for the greater part of my life over various circumstances. But tonight, reason for registering, I feel like I'm...... I don't even know, really.

Is it crazy? Do I have a problem mentally? I mean, I'm sitting here alone having a full-on, hostile conversation out loud, replying to situations I make up in my head...

Idk if it's that on top of my girl for almost 3 years, whose had depression for 2 of them. I do take on that added stress, willingly. I love her, but she's gotten much better so I usually rule that out.

Could it be my work life on top of the stress from plans on moving out with her? Yes there's stress involved financially and the worries of we can potentially walk right into destroying our relationship, but I'm pretty damn excited about it. She'll tell me all her negative views on the matter when her depression gets the better of her that day but the next she'll tell me that shes excited for it too and I'm left feeling like we're on the same page again - so I rule that out as well.

Is it the financial stress of student loans? I went to a culinary school before dropping out and apprenticing, putting the fact that I have to start paying back several thousand dollars at some point. That some point is January 2015. I don't rule that out...

Is it all that, plus Christmas difficulties and it's just my stress volcano is about erupt? What is it? Why do I find it relieving to talk to myself out loud? In depth!? Maybe for 10-15 minutes until I eventually realize: yo dude, this is kinda weird... What's wrong with you? I'll think about it in my head, AND THEN PLEAD MY CASE OUT LOUD! I googled and read 'schizophrenia' in a paragraph of one of first replies in a forum and lost it.

Can anyone relate? Is this just stress or is it something else?

Fuhgedaboudit wrote:I'm 22yo male who doesn't have the worst life but still feels extremely stressed. I find relief in a way that makes me question my sanity.

I work as a line cook and my new sous chef is a complete asshole to say the least - degrades me, makes me feel stupid when I ask him questions, makes my time there a living hell. Just uncomfortable, not apart of the team. I'm proud of what I do and I've never had a problem with anybody prior. I enjoyed my job, I enjoy the people. They seem to enjoy me. Some approach me and say that he treats me like $#%^. "just stick it out man you'll be alright everyone sees it" "it's not right, I hear you". I feel like I'm under a microscope all day, nit-picking everything I do. He doesn't treat anyone that works in that restaurant they way he treats me. (That was a rather conservative vent session on him...)

It has me so pissed at the end of the night to the point where I will think about what he would say tomorrow, and rage out loud everything I would say back to him. I would look right at the air between me and the walls of my room and say everything just short of go ###$ yourself. Hand motions, facial expressions, tone of voice - I would really play the part, imagining being in the kitchen / in the moment. I would anticipate a reply I have yet to call accurately. I've recently noticed it to be weird and when I think about it, I've talked to myself / thought out loud for the greater part of my life over various circumstances. But tonight, reason for registering, I feel like I'm...... I don't even know, really.

Is it crazy? Do I have a problem mentally? I mean, I'm sitting here alone having a full-on, hostile conversation out loud, replying to situations I make up in my head...

Idk if it's that on top of my girl for almost 3 years, whose had depression for 2 of them. I do take on that added stress, willingly. I love her, but she's gotten much better so I usually rule that out.

Could it be my work life on top of the stress from plans on moving out with her? Yes there's stress involved financially and the worries of we can potentially walk right into destroying our relationship, but I'm pretty damn excited about it. She'll tell me all her negative views on the matter when her depression gets the better of her that day but the next she'll tell me that shes excited for it too and I'm left feeling like we're on the same page again - so I rule that out as well.

Is it the financial stress of student loans? I went to a culinary school before dropping out and apprenticing, putting the fact that I have to start paying back several thousand dollars at some point. That some point is January 2015. I don't rule that out...

Is it all that, plus Christmas difficulties and it's just my stress volcano is about erupt? What is it? Why do I find it relieving to talk to myself out loud? In depth!? Maybe for 10-15 minutes until I eventually realize: yo dude, this is kinda weird... What's wrong with you? I'll think about it in my head, AND THEN PLEAD MY CASE OUT LOUD! I googled and read 'schizophrenia' in a paragraph of one of first replies in a forum and lost it.

Can anyone relate? Is this just stress or is it something else?

It impossible for an individual to "think they are going insane" and actually be insane, as the essence of insanity, is the individual fails to realize they are doing something abnormal. People who are "insane" think they are very normal. Since you think your going insane, and are worried; I wouldn't be worried

Your far from schizophrenia. Shcizos' not only hear things but are always asocial. They never desire companionship. Typically, many are dressed oddly, make bizarre physical movements, THEY CAN NEVER MAINTAIN A JOB, and really are very unemotional people. Also, when they do talk to themselves, they are talking in a disorganized fashion, inaudible sentences, talking about odd topics, arguing with themselves, etc. They also "hear" things that aren't their own voice. Typically a new voice tells them "your worthless" etc. Most are dealing with substance abuse, AND WOULD NEVER DO RESEARCH TO FIGURE IT OUT. Typically, they don't know they have an issue.

You meet virtually none of the guidelines for schizophrenia. Your speech is too articulate, and you actually talk to yourself because subconsciously - your trying to get organized,

Most people talk to themselves out loud. When you think, typically you don't think in fully articulated sentences. You either act because you know your you think, "I chicken Cook" or something. But you don't think to yourself "Ok, now its time to cook this chicken at 350 degrees, then I have to…" etc. BUT SOMETIMES, under times of stress, we NEED to think like that, so naturally you talk to yourself out loud.
Its a way that all the chaos in our heads remains organized, and is totally healthy and normal.

Id say:
Your fantasizing (anticipated what hell say and what you'll say back, mentally recreating the kitchen etc.) about putting your boss in his place. Which is the only way you can really compensate or defend yourself with out getting fired etc. Its a defense mechanism, a fantasy, and totally healthy.Your just under a lot of stress; having a new cook, the holidays, feeling like no one can relate etc. Its just a rough spell your going through, and since you know this I don't think you have any reason to be concerned.

But you are FAR, like oceans apart from being or even displaying signs of being a Schizophrenic of any variety.

Id say try and level with the guy, tell him how you feel etc, tell him to stop being disrespectful. If he doesn't, then just accept it. What can you do, right?