Destroying stuff

So yesterday I destroyed another vacuum cleaner. I knew I was getting angrier as I was using it, but I just wanted to get the job done and then I could have a break. Instead, near the end of the job, I grabbed the handle near the end and kept smashing it into the main part.

I think the main part might be okay and it turns out there was an old handle lying around. I was just cleaning up this old handle when I started feeling pretty angry again. There seems to be a definite link between vacuum cleaners and me turning into a maniac.

Why? Well, I know some reasons which contribute to the rage, but you know what? Knowing why I'm angry doesn't magically cure it, contrary to popular belief.

I know a lot of workaholics. Lucky people. They get relief by keeping busy. Unfortunately my brain is good at multi-tasking. I can work and be filled with loathing and self-loathing all at the same time!

I've gone to a couple of counselling sessions. The counsellor said that after the extreme anger has passed, maybe I should confront the person who made me angry (I've confronted a few vacuum cleaners in my time). I don't think this is particularly helpful. Soon I'd be spending all my spare time emailing people, calling people, visiting people and visiting graveyards, and probably just being even angrier.

If you spoke to the people who made you angry, perhaps they would be less in your head and seem more like a normal person to you. Then you wouldn't resent them so much.

Got a new vacuum cleaner anyway. At the moment I'm not angry, which is nice.

Man I feel you,

I have so much anger built up that I've unfortunately even snapped a few times to the point of breaking numerous doors and walls in my house and stuff. When I get a rage attack it takes over and it's almost like I blank out. I've learned to control this though, so it doesn't happen very often.

I always regret snapping afterwards.

Oh and also, I honestly can't STAND people in general.. seriously I really HATE going out in public 99% of the time, just because I hate most people. I find most people are awkward, annoying, rude, careless, selfish, cold, immature, the list goes on.

Anyways I wish you the best with your stuff.

Thanks.

I'm trying to be more aware of my problems. I know certain things or activities are high-risk for a rage attack, so I'm more careful at these times. I try to wear earplugs in noisy environments, and stuff like that. I might take a time-out during a stressful activity. It's tricky because most people don't have this problem so they just go on stressing themselves out. So I sometimes forget to be cautious.

I agree, people can be difficult to deal with. And my behaviour around people sometimes annoys me afterwards lol. People are so judgemental and critical.

It's indeed difficult to control yourself when you are in huge anger. I guess it's useful to hang a sandbag at home or in a separate room to relieve your anger.