Boredom then anger in social situations

Hi all

I'm new to this forum. I've been looking online to see if anyone else feels like this:

I've had a history of mental health problems for the past 15 years - I wonder sometimes if I'm a closet narcissist but a friend thinks I have borderline personality disorder. My father has bipolar.

When I'm in social situations (this only happens sometimes), after a while, I start to feel really bored - possibly because I feel I can't express myself in a way that I think others would accept because I think I may be offensive to people in my direct views - other times because I just can't relate to what's being said. This feeling bubbles upside me and turns into intense anger - sometimes I feel angry at the person I'm with.

For example, I first noticed this happening with my ex-boyfriends parents. When I would be at his house and we'd have dinner with them, as we'd be stuck at the dining table, the boredom of the conversation would start, then turn into anger - sometimes at them for boring me, but usually targeted towards my ex because I'd think "You know I have social problems so why are you making me sit here with your parents listening to this". Of course, I can't say anything but I feel an overwhelming urge to escape but that I'm stuck.

This has now started happening with some groups of my friends - it doesn't happen always but sometimes I just want to say "Sorry, I'm bored now. I'm off - see you later" - my dad says I should just go if I'm uncomfortable as he gets anxious in situations and sometimes just has to leave. However, my friends, current boyfriend's parents, etc. just aren't going to understand that and think it rude, not to mention it's sometimes impractical to travel long distances when you're visiting someone and then just leave. My way of coping with it now is to just put up with it and hint at my current boyfriend that I want to leave.

Anyone else experienced anything like this?

updown_14 wrote:When I'm in social situations (this only happens sometimes), after a while, I start to feel really bored - possibly because I feel I can't express myself in a way that I think others would accept because I think I may be offensive to people in my direct views - other times because I just can't relate to what's being said. This feeling bubbles upside me and turns into intense anger - sometimes I feel angry at the person I'm with.

I can completely relate to that.
I generally loathe small talk and crave deep, meaningful conversation, on stuff that I wanna talk about.