Unsettling thoughts.

I've had issues with anger throughout most of my life. I've always been able to keep it very restrained because I know that when it escapes, it's hard to put back into place. I've always been able to keep my anger, even if it's directed at someone else, very private and to myself. That includes carving myself out of anger on others and punching walls until my knuckles were bruised or close to being broken. I usually keep most of my thoughts to myself because they can get violent and, while I don't believe I would act out on any of them, they've become more and more disturbing. The two single times I can think of are once during a relatively heated fight with my boyfriend, I seriously considered throwing my pocket knife (single blade) near him just to, I don't know, scare him, and had to mentally remind myself over and over not to do it. The other is when I was in one of my boring classes I was completely out of it bored and it wasn't till I 'snapped back' to reality that I realized I was thinking about what it would sound like to throw someone into acid. These are the most extreme it's gotten, but I wanted suggestions on maybe things to keep myself from getting this far into that mindset. I don't want to hurt someone due to a lack of restraint.

Hiya. Some options i can think of. 1) learning about any root cause or reasons that may trigger the unwanted $#%^. working out what healthy anger means to you, if it exists. Could hypnotise yourself to calm down and focus on something else (something sedating and repetitive. Could also limit your exposure to angry vibes/violence.

I'd guess getting a kitten may help some with anger, getting beaten up might encourage the thought that adding negativity won't help, or it might encourage more and at least 1 person would throw the kitten about.

I struggle with anger i think all humans do.