People that get more attention than me

Hi,
I often suspect that I have NPD. I don't know if that is important for my question, but I get extremely angered by people that I feel get more attention than me. For example, people that are inpatients in a psychiatric hospital, especially people with BPD. I get fantasies about killing them, because I'm just so jealous and I think if I do not get attention nobody must get it.
Right now I do not know anyone with BPD. I looked up the address of a girl with BPD once with the plan to go to her house with a knife, but I was too scared that she would live their with someone else, or that I would hurt her and go to jail for it.
But everytime I am confronted with someone written by/for people with, for example, BPD, I destroy it and stay angry the whole day and get fantasies about hurting the writer.

I'm sorry, I just needed to get this off my chest. I ######6 hate people than ask for attention and even end up getting it and I just want to slit their throats, they deserve it.

Well do you have a reason to 'feel' important. *additional content deleted by mod - inappropriate*

I do not have a reason to feel important? Others do not consider me important, while people with mental illnesses like BPD or depression are considered important, at least by psychiatrists and stuff.
That's the whole problem

hey,

you should visit the facticious disorders board, and the munchausen one. it may seem something else entirely, but i think some of the people who post there start with the feeling you have, anger, their reaction to it is just different: instead of wanting to hurt the sick person, they want to make themselves sick (do it or fantazise about doing it) in order to get the attention as well. at least i recognize myself when you describe the anger, totally. my reaction, though, is not violence directed towards the sufferers, but towards myself. i just see a link there which i find interesting, so yeah, maybe you would find it interesting also to read what is said there =)

Elaine123, although this is the Anger Management Forum, the Board will not tolerate hateful comments about psychiatric conditions. This is a support forum for people with a wide range of psychiatric and psychological issues, who may find your comments hurtful and offensive.

So basically their being triggered is more important than me; they are higher in the hierachy because they have an illness? You are so ######6 unfair, and people like you are the reason I am depressed.

Your issues and depression do not give you the right to make comments such as these about people who have a psychiatric disorder of this type. Your comments about them are aggressive, offensive and discriminatory. I am locking this thread. You also need to bear in mind that questioning a moderator in a disrespectful way on the public forum is against the forum rules.