Serious anger issues, when do I take the step to get help?

This is my first stage of getting there. Basically to explain my situation, I have been in a abusive relationship with my partner. It was a verbal abusive relationship which was very very bad. Him just making me feel so disgusting, so ugly, so unimportant he always used to seem like he was ashamed to be with me, used to scream and say the nastiest things you could imagine even about my weight and eeverything. The list goes on..
I left him earlier in the year as it took him a bit further and I ended up with quite a few bruises (he actually bit me all Over and shoved me around pretty badly) I left him for a 2 week period. I know that your probably thinking "that's nothing" but seeing is I had been with him for 5 years (at that time) it was a long time, he of course contacted me frequently and promised that he would change.. I ended up returning to the relationship and PLEASE believe me when I say we've not had any issues of abuse or anything of that nature since. We have never been happier, we are actually planning our future together and I love him more than anything and he makes me feel so loved and important it's like he fell in love with me all over again.
What brings me to where I'm at now is over the last 6 months I have been extremely down, I cry all the time, I barely feel like I am the person I was 12 Months ago.. I have that constant feeling of emptiness, I feel lonely and angry all the time. In the last 3 months it's taken a bad turn, where when things go wrong like say I bump into something and it hurts me I will turn around and kick or punch what ever I just hit.. I will throw stuff because they don't sit right.. I will get snappy and yell at people when they don't say what I want to hear.. I punch myself... I am not ME! My partner doesn't know how I feel, I'm too worried to lay this stuff on him in case it makes our relationship bad. But I'm at this point where I'm scared I will snap and something bad will happen.. Also he works away so he isn't here with me all the time so he never sees me at my worst.

Is there anyone going through what I am? Is this the point I need to go and get help?
I'm only 22 years old, I feel so embarrassed that I'm so depressed and angry when there are people in the world with worse issues than mine. But I'm at a loss with where I need to go now..

Yes, this is the point where you need to get help. Not necessarily because it's so bad now, but because if you leave it, it won't get better by itself. And if it gets worse, it'll be harder to tackle. It might be best to start with seeing a therapist and see if you can unpick some of what's going on. And then they might recommend you to see a psych as well, if you both think that might be of benefit.


May I ask what reason your partner gave for his abusive behaviour before and for why he was stopping now? I should say up front I am not a therapist or psych professional of any kind. I'm just wondering if your feelings now are linked to his behaviour before. If perhaps some part of you is afraid because it doesn't believe the abuse has stopped permanently. Fear can very often be expressed as anger. And the fact that you aren't comfortable talking to him about this isn't a sign of a healthy relationship. You shouldn't need to walk on eggshells in a relationship.

Thank you for taking the time to reply to me.

His reasons were always different, his brother has the same temper as my bf and it's not known why they are like that. There is no history of bipolar or any anger issues throughout the family that we have found. Some times it was "I've had a bad day" most of the time he seemed frustrated with who I was I.e. if I spoke to loud, spoke to fast, why would you say that? Your just like your mum, your family is so annoying. It was always a dig at me and who I was, the issues were always because of who I was and 9/10 I was always apologising for the argument we'd just had even though deep down I knew it was both our faults. The reason I came back was I couldn't come back if he was going to be the same person. We have our moments but we don't have those arguments we used to, he doesn't put me down or anything any more he adores me now which makes me soo happy for a moment! ... Then I'm back to me, there is always one moment out of my normal day where I skitz at something. I can't handle it any more..

You are so spot on about me being scared the relationship is going to go bad, I feel I've been through so much I couldn't handle if I was to go back to that place again..

Thank you so much. I made myself an apt for a therapist today.

Well done! That's a tough step but important. I really hope it helps! You're stronger than you realise. Must be, to have gone through this and to be back and working on it. Keep posting, if it's helpful and best of luck with this. I'm rooting for you.