Not Wanting to be Understood

People really are incapable of ever truly understanding each other, and I know now that we never will. I have also changed my mind on how I look at that though, this is not a bad thing. Would I want people to understand and know the full experience of the pain I have felt in my life? Would I want to know the full extent of theirs? The thought of anyone feeling for just a second the constant seething and yet calm rage I have felt near non stop since I was six is disturbing to say the least. Some people may be able to understand you better than others but no one could possibly ever understand the true depth of you. No one could understand why certain things enrage you to the point that you lose yourself to it Everyone is different, I wouldnt go as far as saying that every person is a unique snowflake, because lets face it snowflakes are beautiful whilst people are often ulgy, cruel, and repulsive creatures. So I have come to the conclusion that I don't want people to ever truly understand me, for if they did they would know what a monster I am, the things I have done to survive, the things I think everyday. I don't want them to understand because the thought of someone being able to fully empathise with myself because the thought of knowing a person who could be capable of understand such atrocities repulses me. Am I perhaps overthinking this? Or do any of you feel the same?

Consider this...

To understand.

To take a stance which agrees or gets under the authority of another.

Under Stand.

So you want people to lift themselves up. Good for you OP, now good luck making them understand you.