My extended family is pushing me and my parents to appoint a legal guardian for them due to poor/incomplete estate planning and the health of my parents.
This is a legal issue not a medical issue but ....I need to stay sane and I don't know whom I can talk to besides my dr. I have a lot on the ball and if I succumb to this
.... As an aside I may need to appoint a lawyer to represent ME now.I was always taught not to trust people especially where money is concerned. And therefore I am hampered in talking about it to people and am concerned about beginning a vicious cycle of isolation..And concerned the extended family coming after me after they would try to declare my parents incapacitated, which is how I discovered on my own the guardianship proceedings work. I don't even think I should post but I'm starting to break..
I have a lot of potential and my extended family is selling it to me like I can either try to take care of my parents for the rest of my life or I can make something of myself.
I dropped out of med school because my dad got Alzheimer's (this is within the last 5 yrs) and some other of my own issues. I have a very important interview coming up for a new career that is very important to me and now caring for them has come to the fore-- and you better believe I'm looking out for my self-interest. My brilliant father always took care of everything and where finances were concerned for my mother, he made a lot of money but was not a planner. My mom is not the brightest.
Admittedly I have persuaded my family to give me lump sums of money many times it's not cute but its reality, so I believe there is some sentiment with my extended family that I am not trustworthy.
I got my extended family to get off my back until at least the New Year. I promised for my part I would get an asset inventory and get information from money manager like MS, Vanguard, etc because I believe before a legal representative is even considered parents should manage their money better. (Asset inventory was my idea based on my previous dealings with lawyers for my parents)
The extended family wants to convince my parents to get an independent legal guardianship. They came down to visit them on the auspice of taking care of my mother during what should have been a routine cataract surgery but due to her senility and mostly her personality it was a mess. I first stormed out on them. They brought it up again and I was really raw due to caring for my mother so I must have agreed I would consider it.
Sister is wealthy and she paid for some in-home care over the weekend until my interview.
She was already asking to speak to my doctor and I won't allow.
I have not left my parents yet since mother's surgery but I am not proud of this, I blocked my mother's sisters phone number on her phone because what I am reading about legal representative for seniors scares me.
>In most cases the process will start with a determination whether the alleged incapacitated person is actually incapacitated.
There will often be an evidentiary hearing and determination of whether guardian is necessary and who guardian would be.
>in some cases a guardianship dispute could become quite contentious....essentially a pre-probate dispute over parents' wealth.
My mother's personality at this point is really also that she wishes someone would run her life.
I am currently Executor to parents' estate but as mentioned estate planning is really slim for them. I'm in a catch-22 because rather than keep outplaying money to me my family may only be convinced to set up a trust, for example, if I use extended family as a mediator, but they are also being sneaky about their intentions and I would have to accept their "help" of "get a legal guardian for them". One relative involved probated a distant cousin's will for their money. So I guess to continue along this line of rational? thought, first they will want to say my parents are incapacitated and next they come after me!?
Also why should my parents assets be any of their business, but also since my parents have few contacts and trust few people it's their "worst best hope".
I rarely belly ache woe is me life's not fair anymore. (I used to runaway a lot as a teen) At some point I believe you quit blaming your parents and live your life. But it seems like every time I try to make a foray at something they are in crisis and I have to help, see lawyers, accountants, estate planners for them and it messes me up. I'm still young.
Lately I've taken to buying things to cope.
I don't know what to do it's not a medical issue, it's legal but if I can't get a handle on myself and I succumb to this I'm worse off
I just kind of want to avoid this and wish it weren't happening.....
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