What makes me drink

Hey just-a-girl.

just-a-girl wrote:So far it's been other people who've made me decide to quit. I know that isn't a good reason, but there it is. Not that I never wanted to quit for myself, but the conflicting urge to drink was always too overwhelming in the end.

Same here. I wouldn't have quit drinking if it weren't for other people around me complaining about my drinking problem getting out of control. My dad even tried to manipulate me into admitting myself to a hospital, he told me to lie and say I was suicidal and unable to quit drinking because I was physically addicted, which were both untrue, but I guess it shows he really wanted me in treatment badly so I got a counselor on my own.

Also some of my friends started complaining about my drinking habits and saying they were worried about me. I still get urges to drink a lot but I find the longer I go without it the easier it is to stay away, even when triggering events happen.

I still self abuse with alchohol. I cant help it, the whole relationship thing that the above poster said is about right, But I still havent gotten over the relationship. I dont know how to do it and I'm too scared to see a therapist. I just see my addiction as a reason besides seeing my daughter after work to wake up in the morning. I know it's wrong but if i didnt drink after work to calm my mind I wouldnt be able to go to sleep. Its been like that for months. I know why I drink, and its to numb the pain that i wake up with every day alone to.

I have been in similar situations with alcohol when relationships ended. I was sometimes so bitter and angry about it that the emotional intensity was intolerable so I tried to eliminate it by getting drunk. I also saw it as something to do when I was feeling lonely, but over time your current patterns will only make you feel worse, when you become aware and can acknowledge that alcohol is actually contributing to your mental problems by creating an unhealthy cycle, it will be like a light bulb moment. The temporary brain numbing only keeps you from falling apart for so long.

For a while my most noticeable disorder was alcohol abuse. I was never addicted to it, but I had all the symptoms of alcohol abuse and am currently diagnosed with three illnesses. One being alcohol abuse, the other two being mental disorders which are strongly associated with alcohol problems, antisocial personality and depression. When I started drinking I was not depressed at all and mainly went on binges for fun or would get drunk for inappropriate reasons like causing trouble or diminishing my restraints so I could act on whatever urge I wanted without being held back by anxiety or over thinking. Drinking got me into a mental state where my brain was so calm and bored that I could do anything I wanted, even if it was dangerous and/or illegal.

But then I started getting major emotional problems which I think was a recurrent depression and drinking seemed to be either causing it or making it much worse, but I didn't know that at first so I got into a habit of attempting to self medicate by drinking thinking it would ease my emotions, but the alcohol only amplified them and made the depression a lot worse. I haven't drank at all in five months now and my acting out and emotional problems have both diminished once the alcohol got out of my system long term. I take it drinking fueled both of my mental illnesses and made them more severe than they needed to be so perhaps alcohol abuse is my most serious problem, I'm glad it's in the past now. I'm still very much addicted to caffeine which is causing sleep and mood problems in its own right, but that's a whole other story altogether. I was able to cut out alcohol completely and I don't get urges to drink anymore for any reason.

ajr8 wrote:I haven't drank at all in five months now and my acting out and emotional problems have both diminished once the alcohol got out of my system long term. I take it drinking fueled both of my mental illnesses and made them more severe than they needed to be so perhaps alcohol abuse is my most serious problem

This is true for me too, whatever mental problems I have got worse because of alcohol so the obvious first step to getting better is eliminating your alcohol consumption. I also relate to acting on whatever ideas you have and using alcohol as almost an excuse to act irresponsibly.