Acceptance vs denial

I know I'm an alcoholic, but I still can't fully accept it. I feel too ashamed, and stunned, that this is happening to me. It's the kind of thing that only happens to other people – I just go too far with drinking sometimes, that's all.

That's what I keep telling myself but I know it's more than that. It's the way I feel/think about it. I am able to stop for a few weeks at a time sometimes, but not without cravings (not all the time though) and not really because I want to – it's always for other people. I can't imagine never drinking again, ever. I make promises I can't keep and hurt the people close to me through drinking, and when confronted I just deny it all while knowing it's true. I'm becoming someone I really don't like very much.

I feel like I'm going in circles with this: denial, acceptance, denial, acceptance... etc. What hope do I ever have of stopping if I can't even fully accept it in my own mind? Where is this all going to end? No matter how many people I force myself to be honest and open with about this, and no matter how many of them agree that I have an alcohol problem, I just can't seem to get out of this cycle of acceptance vs denial.

Does this sound familiar to anyone?

Is there a way that I can accept that I'm alcoholic without all the shame that comes with it? How can I fully accept this, all the time, without telling myself that everything's fine the next time I get the opportunity or an overwhelming urge to drink?

shoot... no one has replied... not quite sure what 2 say... maybe this will help... i dunno... (bad kevin impression on my part...)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ZVWIELHQQY

good luck.

I'll reply, I went through all that, I admitted ...but not really.
It helped to attend meetings where I could say I'm an alcoholic and not feel out of place.
I would draw attention to your proposition that alcoholism suggests a level of shame or guilt about it, thats simply not true, but if thats what your mind tells you , tell it to shut the F up.

I got well when I ignored what my thoughts tried to tell me, I ignored everything except following the 12 steps of AA and within a week I recovered, I have never craved alcohol since. My depression disappeared and I no longer needed psy help, I was returned to sanity.It was just that simple.
Regards, Gerard.

BTW, that Craig Ferguson video is very good, I've watched that previously.
Made me realize how screwed up the audiences are late nite.

I knew i had a problem, and i can definitly relate to the denial process. Its a nasty circle. Unfortunatly i lost everything before i managed to stop drinking and even then i dont think i wouldve stopped if i wasnt hospitalised for other MH issues for a 3 month period.
I was refered to an addiction service, it didnt last long. I dont think i wanted to admit to myself that i "still" had a problem even though i managed to remain sober for around 4 months, if anything talking acted like a trigger for me.
So now what stops me drinking? Knowing what i lost because of it, and knowing the self destructive behaviours i choose to partake in while under the influence. Do i still have slip ups, yes, but they are quickly brought under control again with much detirmination.
Moral of the story, you have to find something to be sober for and hold onto it, dont wait until its too late and you loose what is important to you at this present time.
I wish you all the best.

http://vimeo.com/39788990

Just wanted to say thanks to everyone who replied to my original post.

jonesg wrote:I would draw attention to your proposition that alcoholism suggests a level of shame or guilt about it, thats simply not true, but if thats what your mind tells you , tell it to shut the F up.

I didn't mean in my original post that I think anyone should be ashamed for being alcoholic, just to clarify (but I can see how it could have come accross like that). It's just how I've always felt about my own issues with drinking every time there was any hint of acceptance. I don't think anyone should feel ashamed - apart from anything else it's really unhelpful.

Somehow I think the video helped a lot (the first one) - thanks for that Rob K. I actually watched it a while ago, but didn't have much time right then to respond to it here.

I've had a hard time accepting that I have an alcohol problem. I'm still somewhat in denial that I have an alcohol abuse disorder, but my family and some friends have pointed it out to me so I know there is a genuine issue. I'm currently sober and going stir crazy with emotional flare ups and frustration that I can't have a drink, I'm taking it one day at a time. I know I'm healthier without alcohol but I miss the comfort in drinking.