Please help: dad died last year, mum an alcoholic

My mum has drunk since I can remember and it (as many of you reading have similar experiences) didn't really give me a chance to be a kid and has affected all my relationships since. My dad died last year and even that hasn't stopped her (she even carried on drinking in his last few months of the terminal illness). I want her to stop once and for all. I'm really worried that she'll do something stupid one day and really hurt herself. She's my sole responsibility now as I'm the only child but she refuses to acknowledge that she has a problem (she even lied point blank to our doctor about the amount she drinks). I can't afford to move out so I want to sort this out once and for all-please help, what the hell can I do do make her stop?

I'm sorry for the loss of your father Becky, as for your mother I think this is a tough one. Do you have a good support forum around you that could maybe help you deal with this, maybe she needs some kind of intervention ?

That's a bad spot to be in. I mean, you can throw her into the best rehab money can buy, but it won't do a damn thing until she's ready to give up drinking. She's in total denial about her situation. That's the first, and most difficult, thing a counselor would work on; breaking through the denial. You might be able to do something to get her into submission mode, but it would prove futile. She needs surrender; not submission.

I'll agree with Barfly about a possible intervention. Also, are you enabling her drinking in any way? If so, you need to stop. You need to make her life as painful (in a good way) as possible, so she can hopefully face the reality of her drinking.

Hi becky,

both of my parents were alcoholics, so i didnt get to be much
of a kid either. Its not your fault and it never was, something
inside her mind is unwilling to let go of the drink.

after my father died my mum got heavily into the drink,
vain glorious self destruction at the loss of her mate...
very sad, but impractical.

none of us could change her mind, we did everything including
intervention, but my mom is a piece of work, and we ended
up backing off. i recall her comming from back from hospital
jaundiced with liver failure for the second time, she was bitter
and weak and defeated.... and she didnt drink again.

I guess that was rock bottom, thank god, because shes still
alive and shes a good person again, backing up her family
and enjoying the company of loved ones. she was my inspiration
to get sober myself... she was pretty far gone...

adult children of alcoholics adapt in some pretty characteristic
ways, which even tend to be similar across diff families;
ie: the eldest or second eldest takes on care taking role,
there temperment becomes one of thankless determination.

the younger siblings will tend to be either trouble makers,
getting attention in negative ways, or be placaters, very
clever in the art of difusing tension and fights.

I am sorry to say that your mom should take second
president. you should head for Alanon meetings. among
those meetings you will learn a lot about alcoholics,
and will meet people under similar stress, that can
at least know where your comming from, if they dont
have any advice.

Alanon is empowering, in that you begin to understand
what sort of things the alcoholic family has deprived you
of, and how to move on and make do.

dwelling on the past is what alcoholics do, its why they drink
so much and so long, because today has lost all its charm,
and tomorrow is a burden in disguise.

I wish you could just set your mom up for public humiliation,
try and force the rock bottom, make her think about being
a drunk and hate the idea...

I felt powerless to change her, and i was.... dont take too much
of this burden upon yourself. your parents love you, regardless
of how much they love or dont love themselves.

you owe them your best efforts to grow and live and love, and
because your already wounded, look to your own well being.

I dont want to leave you feeling that there is no out, but
shes made her bed, let her lie in it for now. you dont owe
your mother any sympathy strikes, where you self destructively
put your life on hold.

Why the hell is alcohol legal anyway? what good has it ever
done anyone? oh it disinfects.... but thats because it kills life.

ag.