Very hard time letting go.....

My ex husband and I are done this time for good. It just hurts so damn bad. Its been a couple months and it feels no different than the day I made him leave ..... again.
How is it you go from him telling you you are the best of the best! thier angel, etc.. to 3 yrs later being dumped by booze and drugs?
Thats the way I look at it anyways.

He is really bad. His mind is so far gone its scary. He promised to put a stop to the addictions but just couldnt and I couldnt deal with it any longer. He turns everything around on me and says I am the one with the problems. I seldom drink and I certaintly dont do drugs so how the hell am I the one with problems? the only problems i had was dealing with him. His family are also problems in all this because they feel pity for him and do whatever they can to clean up the mess and make him feel good again, saying he is a sick person. They couldnt find tough love in thier hearts. I can imagine the lies he has told them and I want to talk with them to clear things but that will just make things worse so I wont call. It just hurts so bad and I have done nothing wrong to him to deserve this. All I have done was to love him.

Not only am I dealing with my ex, I also have a son who is an addict as well and is in rehab. I can't believe I am dealing with 2 addicts so close to me and Its very hard. Most days are too hard to bear and I just cry. I am glad that my son is in rehab and I just hope he makes it this time. Its all up to him. He has really really messed up his life and I dont know how he is going to ever recoup. Its going to be a very long haul for him. I dont have the money to clean up his messes like my exes family, but maybe thats why my son is in rehab and my ex isn't.

Thanks for listening.

I can safely say you dont understand addiction, you see the drugs as the problem, they're not.

The drug use wont stop until the Issues behind the use is fixed. Get your son counseling, if you can afford it get him a shrink.

Im an 18yr old addict, went to rehab at 15 and got kicked out for using. So I figure id reply here.

People dont use for shits and giggles, especially not harder stuff. They use it to co-op with life.

If you're son only smokes pot then take him out of rehab and let him live his life its just pot. If hes doing pills, cocaine, crack, etc... Then he needs help, but no with the drug use, with the issues behind the use.

I say this because im the same way. I got issues, I got mental problems and they aint fixed, and until they're not im not going to stop buying pills and snorting em. Because without em id most likely go jump off a bridge. Drugs are a co-oping mechanism.

Also dont blame yourself, $#%^ happens.

PS: DONT WORK ON THE DRUGS WORK ON THE ISSUES BEHIND THE USE. The drugs right now aren't his biggest problem.

H3lix..... Thank you for your post. I do understand that the issues behind the drug use are the 'real' issues. I do know that both my ex and my son are diagnosed by a Psychiatrist as Bi-Polar. Even though the 'issues' behind thier drug use are different. My ex was prescribed Prozac and my son, Seroquil. Since they both drink I assume that the meds don't really help anyways.

My son used cocaine at first, then to crack and last I knew he was trying heroin. Thats why he is in rehab and has been in there for 3 months so far. I am soooo hoping this works for him. As for my ex, he only thinks he has a crack problem and not a drink problem.

I really don't blame myself. The only blame I do place on myself is believing all the lies and manipulations my ex did to me. Being niave. My son..... well he had issues I wasnt aware of and that bothers me. I wish he came to me with them before he used.

My ex told me he tried cocaine for recreational reasons and just wanted to 'fit in'. So now I do see his problems. He always was afraid of not being accepted, not being manly enough etc....

Its just so hard to believe anything from an addict. Thank you for your time and thoughts to help me understand.

I can totally understand what you fill...