Re: without embracing God...

A'ine, digital.noface and shadowalker164,

Thanks for your kind words on this disease that seems to have a grip on me. I've gone 4 days (so far) without liquor and feel damn good. I drink beer only but strong stuff and lots of it if I get started. I'm beginning therapy next week with a licensed psychologist. I've located both AA and N/A meetings in my area; ironically they're 2.5 miles away in the same community building, at different times. But I have nobody to go with and feel too self-conscience at this time. I felt like drinking yesterday, but didn't. I want to talk with my new therapist first. The religious beliefs are small potatoes what I'm dealing with at the present time.

Good deal dark! Four days is a long time, I know.

You may think that four days is only four days, that it is nothing compared to guys with years of sobriety.

But the truth is, what you are doing today is EXACTLY what some old timer with years under his belt is doing. Both of you are not drinking just for today. It is really just that simple, and that elusive in the same breath.

On the not having someone to go with, that can be scary. But chances are someone else will be sitting in that meeting feeling about the same as you. You may find some other new guy, sweating out his first week or so. You two might hook up.

Having a recovery buddy is a good idea. Someone with about as much time sober, going through the same kinds of stuff, and offering each other moral support. Also, if we are hanging out with another sober person, we are less likely to have a beer shoved under our noses.

Keep us posted on your progress darkmeat.

Richard

shadowalker164 wrote:Good deal dark! Four days is a long time, I know.
You may think that four days is only four days, that it is nothing compared to guys with years of sobriety.
But the truth is, what you are doing today is EXACTLY what some old timer with years under his belt is doing. Both of you are not drinking just for today. It is really just that simple, and that elusive in the same breath.
On the not having someone to go with, that can be scary. But chances are someone else will be sitting in that meeting feeling about the same as you. You may find some other new guy, sweating out his first week or so. You two might hook up.
Having a recovery buddy is a good idea. Someone with about as much time sober, going through the same kinds of stuff, and offering each other moral support. Also, if we are hanging out with another sober person, we are less likely to have a beer shoved under our noses.

Keep us posted on your progress darkmeat.Richard

Well, I'm actually doing pretty good today and at work to keep my mind occupied. But it worries me when I get off work and feel good, that's when 'the problem' can present itself. I LOVE drinking by myself too. I did quit marijuana many years ago cold turkey and never went back after 12 years of almost everyday hardcore smoking (after work and school) of course. I'm one of those functioning obsessive types; responsible and never been in trouble with the law or anything. I thought booze would be easy to stop, but wrong.

Actually I'm looking for a nice young 'female' sponsor'

“I thought booze would be easy to stop,”

One of the things most of us had in common is that belief.

I honestly thought that I could quit anytime I really wanted to. I just didn’t want to quit right now. That was all. And I thought that if I ever did choose quit someday, I could stay quit on my self will alone. A piece of cake I thought. I was not alone in that belief system, most of us believed we had the power of choice over if we drank or not.

Just speaking for myself, I just kept changing my mind. I would get up/come to in the morning, and say to myself… “I am not going to drink today, or I am not going to drink until after 4pm.” And by 11 in the morning, I just changed my mind, and cracked open my first of the day.

Guys like me don’t drink because we want to. Sure, I wanted a drink, but in reality alcohol had become my medicine. I hated what I had become when I woke up after a night of drunken havoc. And I knew a few beers would make all those feelings of disappointment and self hate just go away. And it always worked, when I was drunk, I did not look at my self the same way I did when I was not drunk. When they call it “That ol’ sweet blindness” I understand what they mean.

That is what makes it such a tough deal to walk away from. Without alcohol in my system, I was restless, irritated and depressed all the time. That coupled with the knowledge that a few drinks would make all that crap just go away, always led me back to the bottle.


That is where a real program of recovery, a real course of action is so important. If I don’t change from the inside out, I will always need the ease and comfort of alcohol.

I have been relieved of the desperate, ceaseless need for that first in an endless string of drinks, that makes it much easier to stay sober.

Darkmeat, show up at that meeting, like you said, “The religious beliefs are small potatoes compared what I'm dealing with at the present time.”

One last thing… “Actually I'm looking for a nice young 'female' sponsor'” I know that is tongue in cheek, but never-the-less until you know who you really are without alcohol in your system, you don’t know what you have to offer someone else.

Your friend on this long strange road trip
Richard

shadowalker164 wrote:“I thought booze would be easy to stop,”One of the things most of us had in common is that belief.

I honestly thought that I could quit anytime I really wanted to. I just didn’t want to quit right now. That was all. And I thought that if I ever did choose quit someday, I could stay quit on my self will alone. A piece of cake I thought. I was not alone in that belief system, most of us believed we had the power of choice over if we drank or not. Just speaking for myself, I just kept changing my mind. I would get up/come to in the morning, and say to myself… “I am not going to drink today, or I am not going to drink until after 4pm.” And by 11 in the morning, I just changed my mind, and cracked open my first of the day.
Guys like me don’t drink because we want to. Sure, I wanted a drink, but in reality alcohol had become my medicine. I hated what I had become when I woke up after a night of drunken havoc. And I knew a few beers would make all those feelings of disappointment and self hate just go away. And it always worked, when I was drunk, I did not look at my self the same way I did when I was not drunk. When they call it “That ol’ sweet blindness” I understand what they mean.
That is what makes it such a tough deal to walk away from. Without alcohol in my system, I was restless, irritated and depressed all the time. That coupled with the knowledge that a few drinks would make all that crap just go away, always led me back to the bottle.
That is where a real program of recovery, a real course of action is so important. If I don’t change from the inside out, I will always need the ease and comfort of alcohol.
I have been relieved of the desperate, ceaseless need for that first in an endless string of drinks, that makes it much easier to stay sober.
One last thing… “Actually I'm looking for a nice young 'female' sponsor'” I know that is tongue in cheek, but never-the-less until you know who you really are without alcohol in your system, you don’t know what you have to offer someone else.
Your friend on this long strange road trip
Richard

Richard,

I'm, doing OK for day 5 with no interest to drink, although a visit with my elderly parents today could present a challenge. They depress me to no end and always have. Man I feel good tho and NOT irritated and 'really' depressed! I don't want to socialize with my old friends now either, because I'm very weak with peer pressure. That worries me too and the forthcoming holidays. 11 o'clock always seemed like a good time to start, but it's not going to happen today. The way I feel is like a whole new experience. I've been in a total fog for too many years and what a waste of precious time and life. Oh well, no need dwelling on that now. The good news is I've had good medical reports recently and want to keep it way. Think I want to talk to my therapist (next week) before recovery... baby steps... and thanks R.

Darkmeat,

Congrats on your 5 days. Your self-perception seems to be absolutely clear and that is very important in recovery. Fooling others is sometimes hard; fooling yourself, ironically, can be quite easy. I understand the stress of the parental visit; it is sad that they cannot be a source of support for you but it sounds like something that you have been dealing with for awhile.


Richard,

until you know who you really are without alcohol in your system, you don’t know what you have to offer someone else.

So true and unfortunately many people depend on other things (drugs, alcohol, money) to cover up what they perceive as their faults.

Some alcoholics might seem like a fun person to be around in social settings, but they very seldom make good partners in any type of relationship. The alcoholic and his booze make anybody else a third wheel.

Best to both of you,

N.

My guess is that the AA program and the AA meetings contain a great deal of wisdom and tips for staying sober without a God. We often talk about not taking that first one and of not letting ourselves get to hungry, angry, loney, or tired(HALT). These little tips and many others may help many with their alcoholism. I'm not sure how many.

The notion of a power greater than ourselves is important. It can be as simple as realizing that we are not God or in just believing that going to a meeting will help keep us from drinking. The meeting itself could serve as a power greater than ourselves.

Good Luck,
Jim S

nymenche wrote:Congrats on your 5 days. Your self-perception seems to be absolutely clear and that is very important in recovery. Fooling others is sometimes hard; fooling yourself, ironically, can be quite easy. I understand the stress of the parental visit; it is sad that they cannot be a source of support for you but it sounds like something that you have been dealing with for awhile.

The parental visit wasn't even that stressful because I wasn't hungover, irritable and/or tired. They aren't a good source of support unfortunately; both basically dry drunks and never admitting the truth. The only reason they don't drink now is because they're too old. Well, I made it another day and feels like I'm slowly coming out of this thick murky haze. My body and mind seem to be at ease, but need sugar, so I loaded up on chocolate cake yesterday, something that was never appealing with beer consumption prior.

Dark, if you aren’t careful you will have a week under your belt

It is true that if we aren’t drunk or hung over, we are better able to deal with stuff. One of the things I heard early in my sobriety, is “Good things happen to people like us when we don’t drink.” I have found that to be true.

Funny that you found sugar and chocolate. Alcohol is metabolized into sugars in the body, and we get as strung out on sugar as alcohol. Another thing I was told sitting in a meeting early was, keep a bowl of hard candies handy. When those bitchy, itchy feelings crawl all over you, and they will, pop a candy in your mouth. The sugars really helped me with cravings in the first couple of weeks. Chocolate does the same thing, but with the added benefits of the endorphin releasing cocoa.

Dark, I learned all this stuff sitting in a meeting with other guys that drank like me. Do yourself a favor, don’t try to do this deal solo, John Wayne style. It is the hardest way to go. Another thing I heard, warming a chair was, “We stay sober together. I go back out all alone.”

I have been sober long enough to have seen just that.

Your friend on the road to the good stuff
Richard

shadowalker164 wrote:Dark, if you aren’t careful you will have a week under your belt

Since I'm obsessive compulsive, once I get started on something I'm VERY focused. There's no physical symptoms fortunately, which makes this process easier.

It is true that if we aren’t drunk or hung over, we are better able to deal with stuff. One of the things I heard early in my sobriety, is “Good things happen to people like us when we don’t drink.” I have found that to be true.

Yes, but I did have a little temper tantrum with my wife yesterday and looking back, it was nothing to get upset about. It's both weird and scary being so in touch with my feelings. It's like being naked in public, all exposed, not hiding with the mask of addiction.

Funny that you found sugar and chocolate. Alcohol is metabolized into sugars in the body, and we get as strung out on sugar as alcohol. Another thing I was told sitting in a meeting early was, keep a bowl of hard candies handy. When those bitchy, itchy feelings crawl all over you, and they will, pop a candy in your mouth. The sugars really helped me with cravings in the first couple of weeks. Chocolate does the same thing, but with the added benefits of the endorphin releasing cocoa.

Yeah, my body is changing and although high in calories, I could treat myself by not drinking; a celebration of sorts. Again, normally sweets never appeal and now I know since alcohol is extremely high in sugar.

Dark, I learned all this stuff sitting in a meeting with other guys that drank like me. Do yourself a favor, don’t try to do this deal solo, John Wayne style. It is the hardest way to go. Another thing I heard, warming a chair was, “We stay sober together. I go back out all alone.”

No, I'm not going solo... i.e. "john Wayne style". I'm talking to my therapist Wednesday (yes, Halloween night) and actually been thinking about attending an AA meeting after work Tuesday. I've done the research where and what times. It couldn't be better because they're 2.5 miles away and host 3 sessions daily. I just want to meet people going through the same thing. The 12 step program itself just seems a little overwheling right now and don't want to commit to that…urr.. umm yet. I just want new friends going through the same thing…simple.

I have been sober long enough to have seen just that.
Your friend on the road to the good stuff
Richard

Thanks again R.