Total Transformation of Personality After Three Drinks

I was in a romantic relationship with my now, housemate/best friend from 2014 to around 2017. Today we are best friends and housemates. We both agree that we are better off this way as we are like “brother and sister” now. Our living arrangement is truly symbiotic.

She is physically attractive, has a kind heart, loves animals, but developed some deal-breaking flaws that around 2017, became apparent in conjunction with her experiencing menopause. Among them, a total transformation of personality when she has more than three alcoholic drinks (which occurs often). The condition worsens as more alcohol is consumed.

The transformation is so drastic and severe that I am unable to detect the slightest hint of her sober personality. Quite honestly, I cannot stand being around her when she is in this state. She becomes angry and mean, unpleasant and annoying.

I was with a woman in the past who was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder. Her (our) therapist told her (us) that alcohol was like “firewater” for her. My life was tarnished by this person, who self-mutilated and subsequently contacted law enforcement.

Can anyone offer an explanation for the woman in my current situation, and perhaps some sort of workaround or treatment?

Thanks in advance!

Hi TVC15, I’d recommend the meetings & literature of Al-Anon for the friends & family of alcoholics. Good luck.