6 days sober - let's try this again

I'm starting day 7. I went to my first LifeRing meeting yesterday since this new attempt at sobriety and it was good to check in with folks. Unfortunately, it made me think about drinking more than ever, but I'm sure that will pass. I had reservations about attending meetings because I don't want to make a "big deal" about getting sober. I don't want abstinence from alcohol to define me, I just want to stop drinking. Does that make sense? Maybe I'm kidding myself.

I'm having some withdrawal symptoms like headaches and itching, but other than that I'm physically OK. It's the psychological withdrawal that is a kicker.

It helps me to think I'm not committing to quitting for good. It's just like an experiment that may last forever. I guess they don't say "one day at a time" for nothing.

I have to agree with you. Sobriety doesn't define me (I dislike 'labels' anyway), but I keep it as an aspect of my day-to-day living.
We just have today. If I make it through today then there is a good chance that I can make it through tomorrow as well. Keep it manageable.
I've learned new ways to deal with old problems without harming myself or running away from myself into a bottle.
Alcohol used to remove my good judgement and make me do stupid things. Without it in my body, I can trust myself now.
Staying humble about it as we go about our daily life is good for the spirit. I may be just as vulnerable as the person sitting next to me where caving into personal desires are concerned. It helps me to help others. It helps me relate to what others may be going through. It makes me reachable.
Every day that we put distance between ourselves and our last drink makes us stronger. I don't have to fear having feelings or not being perfect.
I choose not to drink today.
My AA slogan is 'First things first'. It might sound corny, but it has saved me from grave misfortune on more than one occasion. It is about having priorities and making wise decisions.
Congratulations and best of luck to you.

Thanks Wally! I don't mind "first things first". Some of the AA slogans are tolerable to me.

I think for a little while , it's OK to let our battle status define us . It's war . And in the moment , we need to focus everything on winning the fight .

I don't think of myself as NSR , gambling addict . But it's an integral and permanent part of who I am . I accept it the same way I would have to accept a life-threatening food allergy . My life has been altered because of it , but it's not all that my life is about .

In the first year of my recovery , I did define myself by my gambling addiction . I needed not only to battle it but to understand the reasons and circumstances that drove me into it and kept me chained to it . After a year of sobriety , that need to stay ever-vigilant stopped being a priority and became routine .

I think getting sober is a huge accomplishment and it's necessary to acknowledge that . Because if it's no big deal that we're sober , then equally , it's no big deal if we aren't .

Let it be a " big deal " for now . It's a temporary state of mind and it will serve you well in the long run .

I get your point NewSunRising. It is a big deal. I just want to make sure I don't come across as preachy or "born again" with my friends. I don't want to lose the few friends I have.

I too need to understand the reasons I got here. I wasn't really getting anywhere in therapy while still drinking because I was numbing my emotions. I'm hoping I can get to the root of a lot of scary, life-ruining demons that are holding me back.

Hugs , littlewwing .

I hope you can too . It's not fun , but I believe it is necessary . I grew a lot and now I recognize when I'm falling back into my old , not-so-constructive behaviors . One of my favorite sayings has always been :

The key to avoiding trouble is to learn to recognize it from a distance .

Thanks NewSunRising. Great saying. I feel that way about anticipating manic or depressive episodes. I need to see trouble from a distance. The same is now true for avoiding relapse.

I didn't make it to any meetings this week because work got in the way. I plan to go tomorrow. I'm at 16 days and I've started to have dreams about drinking.

Those can be disturbing , for sure . I am over 2.5 years into my recovery and I still get dreams about gambling when I'm stressed about something big .

This time around , it's my Mom's failing health and I dreamed I was playing a slot machine 2 nights ago . I woke up panicky and really upset with myself before I realized it was a dream . It threw me off for most of the morning and it wasn't until the afternoon that I began to feel relieved and confident that I hadn't actually gambled .

I view it as my addiction still trying to get it's foot back in the door . It really does seek out any weakness to exploit .

I had a lot of nightmares last night but nothing about alcohol. I know the nightmares are a part of my brain adapting to being sober. It's hard to feel rested after a night of bad dreams.

I went to a LifeRing meeting today and it was good. Most of the folks there had a lot more time under their belt than me, so it's nice to benefit from their wisdom and support.

One thing that's been difficult is that the last time I quit drinking it was with my ex (more of a friend with benefits, but for the sake of simplicity I'll call him my ex). We started seeing each other when we were both trying to get sober and it was pretty much the basis of our bond, so I associate sobriety with him. It's bringing up a lot of issues about that relationship which makes me want to drink.

I had the same thing in early sobriety. They weren't necessarily 'bad' dreams, just very intense and vivid dreams. I would be unrested and shaken for the first part of the next day.
The therapists said that those types of dreams were normal and to look at it as the brain chemistry readjusting after years of alcohol use.
I had many dreamless nights while drinking. More like passing out. Alcohol does not promote healthy sleep patterns. You will adjust.
The worst dreams were the ones of regret and remorse or the ones that didn't have an ending, but I had to go through that in order to get here today.
They are only a dream. If the dream is left unfinished and you are left hanging, write a happy ending for it and put it away.