Since my last topic here I KNOW I've gotten worse.

I went back to the doctors, and spoke to a new doctor who doubled my prescription of prozac, and told me to take two every morning not one. Also, I mentioned to her that I go through between 6-8 beers a day, and she told me that I shouldn't just stop, but cut that in half, which she repeated when I told her I used alcohol to stop taking other drugs.

I basically have been told to try to only have 3 a day, and to be honest I want it to work but I'm sitting here now, it's not even noon, and although I still have all 3, I have been thinking about taking one since I woke up, but if I open one now, they'll all be gone within the hour.

I guess it's better to just sit here and talk about it, than to drink, but I know that there's absolutely nothing between me and alcohol except me.

I'm gonna hold out but as soon as I open one I'm gonna post back here. And then I'm gonna post here again when they're all gone. Mainly so I can look at the times tomorrow, kinda to monitor myself.

*USELESS*

Got two finished already and it's 10 past 12. I'm about to crack open the last one now.


This is nowhere near enough.


Sorry if this sounds more like some sort of blog than a post, but I just want to keep track of how much I'm drinking.

I know I should stop, but I'll stop later.

I'd tell myself I can stop drinking any time but I'm smart enough to know that Alcohol is the biggest killer out of all drugs, and it's the most addicive (worse than heroin)

Well all three are gone. I finished the last one at about half 12, now I have three more.

El Mariachi….

Ain’t that just the way it is… One is too much and 1,000 aren’t enough! I know what you mean when you say “*USELESS*”.

I have nothing but respect for the medical profession, they save lives every day, but when she said just cut back to three a day, I get the feeling she doesn’t work with alcoholics much.

Telling me to stop at three is like asking me to jump off a building and only fall three floors and then stop fallling. Great advice! But who can do it? Not I.

For drunks like myself, we either don’t drink at all, or we drink like fishes. There is no middle ground for us. Your choice is clear Mariachi, either drink with that desperate abandon, or stop.

Again, great advice, but who can do it? You can, that’s who. Alcoholics Anonymous is where I learned how to not drink just for today, and so can you. Otherwise those damn beers will win every time. You know this.

When I first quit drinking, I was taking Voloft, it helped. But at some point, maybe 4 months, maybe 6 months in, I stopped. It seems my depression was a symptom of greater underlying disease, alcoholism.

Richard

Im not addicted, just love drinking. Im too young to be an alcoholic.

What if you try to fool yourself with non-alcoholic beer?

Hi El Mariachi,

Sorry to hear that you’re having a bit of a tough time with this. Richard has written a valuable post above; one which I could relate to very well -- "one is too many and 1,000 is never enough". That is so true.

Nobody on this board, nor anyone in your personal life, can tell you if you are an alcoholic or not - that is something which you will have to realise for yourself. However, I will say that alcoholism is a disease, not a choice, as such it is non-discriminatory. By that I mean, that it doesn't matter your race; your sex or your age. It doesn't matter what colour socks you put on in the morning or how you style your hair. If the disease is present, it will only progress and things will not improve.

El Mariachi wrote:I have been thinking about taking one since I woke up, but if I open one now, they'll all be gone within the hour.

If I’m honest, I certainly saw “warning signs” in your posts – the quote above, for example, screams to me of lack of control and mental obsession. Those alone can be haunting enough, and as I said above, will only prove to worsen if you are an alcoholic.

In your final post, you said something that certainly "hit home" for me:

El Mariachi wrote:Im too young to be an alcoholic.

El, I can't tell you how many times those words left my mouth before I accepted that I needed help. I've been an alcoholic since 13 years old -- and that little saying above kept me drinking for years and years. (The misery continued for years and years as a result). Denial is a tricky thing, and through my own denial, I believed (to a certain point) that I really was “too young” or “too smart” or “too purple-with-pink-spots” to have a drinking problem. Whatever I could be “too much” of, I was. I convinced myself (and almost others!) over and over that I didn't have a problem. But what I really needed was to be open and honest with myself, first and foremost. The rest, I am finding, follows.

I am not trying to lecture you, El, I’m trying to show things from another angle – I hope you can see that. We are only here to support you and I will only ever wish you the best. Richard mentioned AA in his post above - I think attending a meeting would help you, but again, only for you to decide. I think the bottom line is, that if alcohol is causing you problems - any type of problems - quitting is wise, even if you are not an alcoholic.

My best wishes to you,
-Tar

El Mariachi wrote:Im not addicted, just love drinking. Im too young to be an alcoholic.

this is something i used to tell myself all the time. i loved to drink, loved the effect. the whole thing. loved the loud parties that raged for days.

but i noticed change. people noticed a change in me. and my work.

its taken me a long time to realize what has to be done to ensure a long content life. that is no drinking for me. right now i still cant immagine life without it. not a waking second goes by i dont think about it.

good luck
t

Taryn and Timmah…
It seems we are all teachers, all of us, all the time. It is just the way it is. Sometimes the only lesson we have to teach is what not to do, and sometimes, we offer another person some sound advice and a bit of insight into our story in the hope it will be helpful.

When I am working with another guy, offering what help I can, I am about as far from my next drink as I ever get.

What you are doing for El Mariachi is the best guarantee against your not drinking today that I know of. Keep it up, it can and will save your life.

And El Mariachi, the idea if being too young will hold water for a while, but someday you will be looking in the mirror and this washed out stranger will be looking back at you. He will be older, sick, and hollow eyed, and that line “I am too young” won’t cut any ice with him at all!

Richard