New to admitting I have a problem...

I am a happily married 35yo woman with a loving husband and two amazing daughters. I had bariatric surgery about 5 years ago. I can't even tell you why I started drinking. I have always hated the taste of alcohol, but one night the husband and I decided to go to the liqour store. I found a beverage that was delicious. One night turned into every night for 2.5 years of black out drinking. There have only been a handful of nights that I have not had a drink.

I have woken up with bruises I can't even explain. Had conversations with my husband and children that I have no memory of, my husband has video of me acting a fool, splayed out on the floor sobbing for reasons unknown. I have no memory of how I get to bed most nights and less recollection of shows we have watched before bed.

I have been known to say I will never do that again, only to do it again and again. My husband has quit drinking and I am sure he wants me to. He is very supportive and yet is my biggest enabler. I went three days without drinking and the amount of depression and sadness exuding from me led him to go a buy me a bottle. The next day I felt horribly guilty. I said, "That is it for me, I am done." Only to again drink three nights later and woke up just as guilty.

The problem I am having is there is no hard fast rule to what an ALCOHOLIC actually is. Is it someone who can't control how much they drink, can't refrain for more than a night or two? Is it someone who has to be assisted to bed every night because they can not walk on their own? Is it someone who passes out wherever they are sitting or lounging at the time?

I think there is a huge step between admitting I have a problem and wanting to stop. I do want to stop right now, but the pull of the bottle is still there and is very strong. I have a husband who is trying to do all he can, a friend in recovery that talks to me all day long to ensure I don't have a drink. I feel like just as much a burden now as I was intoxicated.

Am I an alcoholic? Today I feel like I am not, because I haven't given in, as much as I have wanted too. Once I have the first drink I do not stop until I pass out or my husband pours my drink out. I don't want my children to see me this way, so I started waiting until it was nearly their bed time before I had my first drink. I don't want them to grow up thinking drinking to this extent is appropriate.

I have made it two days now without a drink, and tomorrow I will decide if I will remain sober a third. I used to look down on other relatives for their alcohol use, so I still can't figure out how I got here. One more night, one more bottle, one last hoorah... 2.5 years later I want to be done, but now my body and mind are saying no.

I don't want to let myself, my husband, or my friend in recovery down. I have not told my children I have a problem, but the probably already know. I don't want to tell them I am finished drinking only for them to see me fail.

I can't tell my parents because they will think I am looking for attention or making my problem seem worse than what it actually is, but if my children told them that I was drunk every night and couldn't remember conversations or things I have done, they would believe them. This is a real stress for me because I am very close to my parents and I want to talk to my mom about it. I was there tonight and my dad asked if I wanted to have a drink. I politely declined as I had to drive home. One thing I can say is I have never drank and then drove anywhere. So, he bought that excuse.

Thank goodness I work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so there will be no chance of drinking at a family get together. I just need to know if I have a problem or if I am making this bigger than it needs to be. I need to know that I can get past this and it is no big deal if I can never have another drink again.

I hope to hear some sound advise from others that are struggling. I feel like alcoholism is like mental illness. There is no actual medical test (like blood work) that says, "Yes, you are diagnosed an alcoholic." With a mental illness you get medicated, feel better and decide you don't need the meds... You go without alcohol a couple days and convince yourself you didn't have a problem and then you drink again. It is a vicious cycle!

Does anyone have any advise or thoughts on this subject?

Thank you!

Welcome to the forum Candigirl23 .

I don't think the actual word "alcoholic'" really matters so much . If you believe your drinking is causing you problems , that's enough reason for you to try and stop .

Would me saying " No , you aren't an alcoholic ." make you think that what you're doing is OK or good for you ? I think in your heart that you know it isn't . You don't need to be officially labeled as an alcoholic to acknowledge that your drinking is not in control .

I do think you should look into AA or a similar support group . A common saying in the addiction world is " Some people have to hit rock bottom before they can quit ." I do not endorse that line of thought . To me , it feels like that's giving ourselves permission to get worse before we get help .

Candigirl23 wrote:I have a husband who is trying to do all he can, a friend in recovery that talks to me all day long to ensure I don't have a drink. I feel like just as much a burden now as I was intoxicated.

If the situation were reversed , and they were the ones struggling , would you consider helping them to be a burden ? I don't believe you would and I don't believe they view you that way . If they did , they wouldn't be putting in the effort .

I do think you should look into AA . You have strong allies . Don't be afraid to use them .

I wish you the best .

I've once seen an episode of Cold Feet in which a woman and her husband are fighting about whether she is an alcoholic. He proposes an experiment. He pours a glass of wine, puts it in front of her and says: if you have no problems ignoring this all evening, you're fine. Spoiler: she doesn't make it.

To me – an alcoholic myself – alcoholism begins when your drinking starts affecting your life. I would say this:

I have woken up with bruises I can't even explain. Had conversations with my husband and children that I have no memory of, my husband has video of me acting a fool, splayed out on the floor sobbing for reasons unknown. I have no memory of how I get to bed most nights and less recollection of shows we have watched before bed.

...counts as affecting your life quite heavily.

Candigirl23 wrote:I am a happily married 35yo woman with a loving husband and two amazing daughters. I had bariatric surgery about 5 years ago. I can't even tell you why I started drinking. I have always hated the taste of alcohol, but one night the husband and I decided to go to the liqour store. I found a beverage that was delicious. One night turned into every night for 2.5 years of black out drinking. There have only been a handful of nights that I have not had a drink.

I have woken up with bruises I can't even explain. Had conversations with my husband and children that I have no memory of, my husband has video of me acting a fool, splayed out on the floor sobbing for reasons unknown. I have no memory of how I get to bed most nights and less recollection of shows we have watched before bed.

I have been known to say I will never do that again, only to do it again and again. My husband has quit drinking and I am sure he wants me to. He is very supportive and yet is my biggest enabler. I went three days without drinking and the amount of depression and sadness exuding from me led him to go a buy me a bottle. The next day I felt horribly guilty. I said, "That is it for me, I am done." Only to again drink three nights later and woke up just as guilty.

The problem I am having is there is no hard fast rule to what an ALCOHOLIC actually is. Is it someone who can't control how much they drink, can't refrain for more than a night or two? Is it someone who has to be assisted to bed every night because they can not walk on their own? Is it someone who passes out wherever they are sitting or lounging at the time?

I think there is a huge step between admitting I have a problem and wanting to stop. I do want to stop right now, but the pull of the bottle is still there and is very strong. I have a husband who is trying to do all he can, a friend in recovery that talks to me all day long to ensure I don't have a drink. I feel like just as much a burden now as I was intoxicated.

Am I an alcoholic? Today I feel like I am not, because I haven't given in, as much as I have wanted too. Once I have the first drink I do not stop until I pass out or my husband pours my drink out. I don't want my children to see me this way, so I started waiting until it was nearly their bed time before I had my first drink. I don't want them to grow up thinking drinking to this extent is appropriate.

I have made it two days now without a drink, and tomorrow I will decide if I will remain sober a third. I used to look down on other relatives for their alcohol use, so I still can't figure out how I got here. One more night, one more bottle, one last hoorah... 2.5 years later I want to be done, but now my body and mind are saying no.

I don't want to let myself, my husband, or my friend in recovery down. I have not told my children I have a problem, but the probably already know. I don't want to tell them I am finished drinking only for them to see me fail.

I can't tell my parents because they will think I am looking for attention or making my problem seem worse than what it actually is, but if my children told them that I was drunk every night and couldn't remember conversations or things I have done, they would believe them. This is a real stress for me because I am very close to my parents and I want to talk to my mom about it. I was there tonight and my dad asked if I wanted to have a drink. I politely declined as I had to drive home. One thing I can say is I have never drank and then drove anywhere. So, he bought that excuse.

Thank goodness I work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so there will be no chance of drinking at a family get together. I just need to know if I have a problem or if I am making this bigger than it needs to be. I need to know that I can get past this and it is no big deal if I can never have another drink again.

I hope to hear some sound advise from others that are struggling. I feel like alcoholism is like mental illness. There is no actual medical test (like blood work) that says, "Yes, you are diagnosed an alcoholic." With a mental illness you get medicated, feel better and decide you don't need the meds... You go without alcohol a couple days and convince yourself you didn't have a problem and then you drink again. It is a vicious cycle!

Does anyone have any advise or thoughts on this subject?

Thank you!

Hey Candigirl, welcome to this forum. Contact with a doctor, hope you will get a good response.

.

Candigirl23 wrote:I am a happily married 35yo woman with a loving husband and two amazing daughters. I had bariatric surgery about 5 years ago. I can't even tell you why I started drinking. I have always hated the taste of alcohol, but one night the husband and I decided to go to the liqour store. I found a beverage that was delicious. One night turned into every night for 2.5 years of black out drinking. There have only been a handful of nights that I have not had a drink.

I have woken up with bruises I can't even explain. Had conversations with my husband and children that I have no memory of, my husband has video of me acting a fool, splayed out on the floor sobbing for reasons unknown. I have no memory of how I get to bed most nights and less recollection of shows we have watched before bed.

I have been known to say I will never do that again, only to do it again and again. My husband has quit drinking and I am sure he wants me to. He is very supportive and yet is my biggest enabler. I went three days without drinking and the amount of depression and sadness exuding from me led him to go a buy me a bottle. The next day I felt horribly guilty. I said, "That is it for me, I am done." Only to again drink three nights later and woke up just as guilty.

The problem I am having is there is no hard fast rule to what an ALCOHOLIC actually is. Is it someone who can't control how much they drink, can't refrain for more than a night or two? Is it someone who has to be assisted to bed every night because they can not walk on their own? Is it someone who passes out wherever they are sitting or lounging at the time?

I think there is a huge step between admitting I have a problem and wanting to stop. I do want to stop right now, but the pull of the bottle is still there and is very strong. I have a husband who is trying to do all he can, a friend in recovery that talks to me all day long to ensure I don't have a drink. I feel like just as much a burden now as I was intoxicated.

Am I an alcoholic? Today I feel like I am not, because I haven't given in, as much as I have wanted too. Once I have the first drink I do not stop until I pass out or my husband pours my drink out. I don't want my children to see me this way, so I started waiting until it was nearly their bed time before I had my first drink. I don't want them to grow up thinking drinking to this extent is appropriate.

I have made it two days now without a drink, and tomorrow I will decide if I will remain sober a third. I used to look down on other relatives for their alcohol use, so I still can't figure out how I got here. One more night, one more bottle, one last hoorah... 2.5 years later I want to be done, but now my body and mind are saying no.

I don't want to let myself, my husband, or my friend in recovery down. I have not told my children I have a problem, but the probably already know. I don't want to tell them I am finished drinking only for them to see me fail.

I can't tell my parents because they will think I am looking for attention or making my problem seem worse than what it actually is, but if my children told them that I was drunk every night and couldn't remember conversations or things I have done, they would believe them. This is a real stress for me because I am very close to my parents and I want to talk to my mom about it. I was there tonight and my dad asked if I wanted to have a drink. I politely declined as I had to drive home. One thing I can say is I have never drank and then drove anywhere. So, he bought that excuse.

Thank goodness I work Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, so there will be no chance of drinking at a family get together. I just need to know if I have a problem or if I am making this bigger than it needs to be. I need to know that I can get past this and it is no big deal if I can never have another drink again.

I hope to hear some sound advise from others that are struggling. I feel like alcoholism is like mental illness. There is no actual medical test (like blood work) that says, "Yes, you are diagnosed an alcoholic." With a mental illness you get medicated, feel better and decide you don't need the meds... You go without alcohol a couple days and convince yourself you didn't have a problem and then you drink again. It is a vicious cycle!

Does anyone have any advise or thoughts on this subject?

Thank you!

I am in the same boat. I used to drink socially for 3 years. Then I quit drinking for 5 years straight. Only to get worse. If you feel it causing issues in your life. It might be a problem. I started drinking again due to reasons only God knows. I wish I never started drinking again. I am a heavy drinker. I blackout and forget most of what happens.