I've been drinking for longer than I can remember.

I'm 20 years old, but I've been drinking for as long as I can think back. I'm not sure how old I was but I can't have been any older than 14. My relationship with drink boils down to the fact that it's the only reliable thing in my life. I hate being smart enough to know that it's a problem, ignorance would be bliss, but I don't really want to stop. I don't know how. Alcohol is as much a part of my life as eating and sleeping.

Maybe posting this here shows very little tact on my part, I just needed to say it. I don't want to grow old like this, but I can't even see myself growing old at all.

Seasons… welcome to the club.

I get it when you said “it's the only reliable thing in my life” Alcohol always worked for me. It fixed everything. But I couldn’t stay drunk, I came to undrunk, and that ain’t no fun.

Someday you will not be able to imagine life without alcohol and you will not be able to imagine life with it either. That my friend will be the stepping off point.

On that day go to your first Alcoholics Anonymous meeting, or stumble on to the bitter end. It’s your call.

Richard

Worst part is I used to tell myself I'm too young to be an alcoholic. But I did that test you mentioned in another topic, and all the drink was gone.

I went through at least 6. I had 8 altogether but I cave a couple of them out. most of them though I drank while I was here alone.

Then I went out today and bought as many as I could with the change I had.

Reliablilty is always something I tried to look for in people, but after a while I worked out that people by nature are unreliable. You can't rely on anyone except yourself at the end of the day.

Alcohol doesn't judge me, and will always be there to help me when I need it. I never managed to find that kind of reliability anywhere else.

Here is the deal as I have been given to see it, you are right when you say people are unreliable, they are. Maybe they don’t intend to, but they are just people. But, lets take it a bit further…

One of the first things I tell the guys I sponsor is, people, places and things will ALWAYS, repete ALWAYS let you down. You can take that to the bank. When I first tried to get sober, I was told not to depend on them. They can’t fix what is wrong with me. I needed to look a bit higher.

This power greater than ourselves, God if you want, now that is something that will not let you down. But it isn’t going to butt itself into your life. You need to invite it in.

You sound like a smart guy, I think you know what to do. But just in case you aren’t sure, find a meeting, sit down in that meeting and tell them what you have been telling us, get lots of phone numbers, and call each and every one of them. If only to say thanks for the number.

Into action Seasons… We are great thinkers, but maybe not so great at the doing. That needs to change.

Richard

I can say that 12-step meetings are reliable. Attend at least 6 different ones and keep going back.