he's never sober...

it's long, but I'm new and really just need somewhere to spill my thoughts...

I am 22 my boyfriend is about to turn 21 in July...

since we started dating (one year and 7 months ago) he's been a drinker. When I first met him I was a partier and he was too, so it was all cool. But as we are together, the longer I'm with him the more I see he has a very bad drinking problem.

for instance this past week... thursday he started drinking at 1:30pm. By the time I got off work at 4:30, he was wasted. and being mean to me on the phone, I had a bad day and wanted to see him. He had told me he was only drinking for a half hour but I found out yesterday it was longer than that. so I didnt really know he was drunk because he was talking pretty good, tho he was wasted.

yesterday he started drinking at 5pm and then didnt get home til 3:30 in the morning. he went to the bars. (he used his friends id)

this morning he woke up and didnt remember what he did last nite. he had to think for a second, and his friends had to remind him of alot of stuff.

he drank pitchers after pitchers at the bars, rum and cokes til he couldn't anymore. he doesnt really know when to stop.

and now he is drunk at 5pm. I left his house at 1 when he had just got up and he already had a beer in his hands.

over the summer we fought constantly because every nite he had to drink. I would work nites and want to see him sober after work and he would be too wasted to see me.

he has a job... its siding on houses so each day is diff and he has lots of days where he gets off and so he drinks...

He is always drunk. I never see him sober. He says he's young and having his fun but I dont think so.

his dad was and still is a hardcore alcoholic. he saw his father coming home wasted at all hours, pissing himself in the recliner type stuff... his dad was always drinkign around him and now he is getting just as bad if not worse. I'm so scared for him.

he never listens to me when I bring this up. he gets so defensive. he even jokes that he is an alcoholic. I get so scared at how much he drinks.

I've had about three nights when I've had to carry his 180 pound body to the bathroom so he could puke or I could run a shower over his blacked out body.

about a month ago we were fighting big time, and I went over to his house an hour after I had seen him, and he was wasted. drinking by himself.

we broke up on the eve of fourth of july, after he threw a beer bottle at the wall past my head, and pushed me into a couch he was blacked out on long islands, and the next day, he went to his uncles and drank about two cases to himself and was wasted.

and then one night, we started arguing and he threw a cup of pop in my face in front of his friends, and then left the house in an angry frenzy, only to call me two hours later to please pick him up at the bar.

I know from these examples I should dump him but he is the complete opposite sober... so I know the drunk him is not who he really is or at least I think he is not?

he deals with our fights by drinking. ...

this is messing me up. I have anxiety that is ridiculous... every day I think all day and hope he isnt drinking that nite. I know I have depression, and it just isnt helping me at all...

I'm sorry this is not a why me post, I have no one to talk to my friends dont understand... anyone have any advice. I know I should breka up iwth him but I cant just leave him. he needs help...


thank you in advance.

Set up an intervention and help him on the road to helping himself and then help yourself by doing what it takes to rid yourself of that anxiety. If that means leaving him, so be it.

Be careful.

Baby920, You said it yourself, I should break up with him.

He may get sober, some of us do. I am an alcoholic and I haven’t had a drink in a while, but don’t count on him doing it. Most of us don’t get sober. Most of us drink until we die.

One thing for sure Baby, he ain’t gonna get sober for you!

You are a sweet girl and guys like us ought to do the right thing by girls like you, but we don’t. He will lie a deceive you about his drinking as long as you let him. He doesn’t want to be a liar or a BS artist, but he is compelled to do anything and everything he needs to do to maintain his access to alcohol. And if that entails lying to someone descent like you, than that is exactly what he is going to do.

The only thing that has any hope of getting him sober is pain. Deep and unrelenting mental, emotional and spiritual pain that will not stop. We don’t quit for the people that love us, if we do quit, it I because of personal pain. We are a selfish bunch of bastards, and we do everything based on self interest.

Stay if you want, or go, it really won’t make any difference in his life. But if you do decide to stay, look into Al-Anon

http://www.al-anon.alateen.org

It is full of people just like you, good people who love sots like us. They have a lot of hope to offer you. Do yourself a favor, and look into it.

Best of luck with whatever path you chose,
Richard