Left my addict boyfriend

He was in AA at 25 and it obviously didn't last long and struggles with cocaine as well. I am a drinker and drug user myself but do not struggle with addiction. His friends some of whom I share really liked us together. He opened up about issues with his family and began drinking/using less and was more stable and happy as a person.

We broke up after he came home from being on tour for a month. He was very insecure, jealous, accusatory and defensive. I left in under a week. We've been split about two months. He's accused his friends of sleeping with me, been sleeping around unbelievably himself and severely abusing like nothing I've seen before.

I slept with him again a couple times a couple weeks back and spent a night with him unwilling to do so but recognized he was unstable and perhaps needed a friend. He opened up to me on two of the nights that he had developed quite a drug and drinking problem. We last slept together on my birthday. We had been split a couple months and that week was the first time we became intimate again. He spent the entire day at my house the next day didn't leave til 8pm or so. He hasn't had a drink since.

15 days sober. I didn't hear about it from him but his friends. I saw him last night (he's a bartender) I didn't drink nor did the other bartender. We got along swimmingly, best we have since we split. He seems so happy and healthy and only demonstrated a little bit of jealousy but with maturity.

I think I love him. I want so badly to reach out to him and to offer to spend time and invite him to do something non party or punk scene involved. I wonder if I should wait this out? I don't know if he feels the same way or not. I wonder if it would be disruptive for me to do so or if it would be comforting?

I'm really proud of him. I don't want to belittle him by saying such a thing. I want to treat him normally.

Big hugs. This is not easy.

I would suggest you make it VERY clear what your boundaries are: you are happy to hang with him as long as substances do not get in the way. If/when you feel you trust him enough, you can take this to a different level than just watching movies or eating together. Make it as clear as possible to him. You will NOT take any abuse, any fights about your imaginary cheating, and his own cheating either. Do not allow him to negotiate this. Those are your boundaries and he can take them or leave them. No bending, exceptions, "buts".

Try to do this in a friendly but firm way, so it doesn't feel like a job interview I am assuming here that you do want to spend time with him and possibly have him as a boyfriend at some point. You need to feel fully secure that this is a good idea first. Tell him that. NA or AA would be a good idea, or any other program that he feels good with, if he has a problem with the idea of higher power or anything else NA/AA related. How he is doing now sounds good, and tell him that.

So basically it all boils to: do not enable him, but be there for him.

I hope everything goes well!