Alcohol addiction problem, need advice?

I am 26 years old. I just got out of detox for about the fifth time yesterday. By the end of the day, I was already drinking. However I did only have three drinks because I had court this morning early in the morning and if I didn't show up they were going to issue a warrant. I am also institutionalized from many years of psych admissions. I have more than one personality disorder. When I got out yesterday I turned into a totally different person. Even before I picked up that drink. I was so angry at everything that is going on in this terrible world. And as the day went on I felt bombarded with so many reasons to drink. I have gastritis and some unexplained bad pain in my back, neck and head that goes on constantly. The gastritis is so bad it puts me in the hospital a lot from drinking. I scheduled for an MRI of my brain on Monday for other reasons as well. It just feels like my body is just falling apart. I am also have some really extreme mood swings over as little as three drinks. I have tried every outlet aside from rehab. I was supposed to go to rehab today, but I cancelled it because I can't take the physical pain anymore. And I want to manage it first. It seems like the world just wants me to drink and is making sure it gives me every reason to do so. I am not really sure if rehab would even be beneficial to me. I mean, it can't give me a true desire to stop drinking, right? I really have no family or friends that would even visit me in rehab either. I would be alone, like I have been for all the hospital stays. No one cares if I die. I really just don't know what to do. I have thought I hit rock bottom many times now, but apparently not. My stomach can be so painful and absolutely vile. And it just my stomach either, it is also my intestines and esophagus. Even after a week in detox, it really didn't get much better. Which makes you feel even more hopeless. And the medication doesn't work either. Sorry this is so long, opinions please?

Leslieslsa wrote:I am 26 years old. I just got out of detox for about the fifth time yesterday. By the end of the day, I was already drinking. However I did only have three drinks because I had court this morning early in the morning and if I didn't show up they were going to issue a warrant. I am also institutionalized from many years of psych admissions. I have more than one personality disorder. When I got out yesterday I turned into a totally different person. Even before I picked up that drink. I was so angry at everything that is going on in this terrible world. And as the day went on I felt bombarded with so many reasons to drink. I have gastritis and some unexplained bad pain in my back, neck and head that goes on constantly. The gastritis is so bad it puts me in the hospital a lot from drinking. I scheduled for an MRI of my brain on Monday for other reasons as well. It just feels like my body is just falling apart. I am also have some really extreme mood swings over as little as three drinks. I have tried every outlet aside from rehab. I was supposed to go to rehab today, but I cancelled it because I can't take the physical pain anymore. And I want to manage it first. It seems like the world just wants me to drink and is making sure it gives me every reason to do so. I am not really sure if rehab would even be beneficial to me. I mean, it can't give me a true desire to stop drinking, right? I really have no family or friends that would even visit me in rehab either. I would be alone, like I have been for all the hospital stays. No one cares if I die. I really just don't know what to do. I have thought I hit rock bottom many times now, but apparently not. My stomach can be so painful and absolutely vile. And it just my stomach either, it is also my intestines and esophagus. Even after a week in detox, it really didn't get much better. Which makes you feel even more hopeless. And the medication doesn't work either. Sorry this is so long, opinions please?

First off, there is NEVER a good reason to drink. Plenty of reasons. But never a good one. You're going to have to realize at some point, no reason is a good reason to drink. it doesn't matter if things are terrible, someone upset you, you're in pain. Fail to realize this and there isn't much that can be done. You can't blame the world for your drinking. You only have yourself to blame. But that's not bad. it's empowering. It means you're in control of your drinking, not everyone else. it means you don't have to drink just because someone else pisses you off. I used to do that. Its kinda freeing to not let other people hold that power over you. The worlds issues aren't your problem. Your problems are your problems. Don't take on the problems of the world.

secondly, instead of self-medicating go see a therapist and gastroenterologist. It's obvious to you your method isn't working for you. Try someone else's method.

Alcohol is terrible on the digestive track. its only making it worse. If you think it hurts now, keep drinking and its gonna hurt even worse. Alcohol can result in ulcers or even perforation, it burns through the lining. Its possible the alcohol has burned/punched a hole through your stomach/intestine and resulting in digestive fluids leaking into the abdominal cavity. Im not your doctor so I can't say for sure what is going on, but I can say alcohol is not helping the situation.