Im an alcoholic

I self medicate with alcohol and my prescriptions. My gamma gt levels in my liver are high and I have high blood pressure. I'm trying to cut back but its so hard. I'm not a stumbling or slurring drunk, but enough for a buzz and to make me feel different than what I feel. I know I need help, but don't believe in aa. I hate it and it puts me into manic states of mind. I'm at my wits end. Medication isn't helping me, and I've been on almost everything out there already. I don't know what to do anymore, I love alcohol

Sounds like you have a valid reason to quit, but you're clearly not mentally ready for it yet. You have to want to stop. That's the first step.

mystic803 wrote:I self medicate with alcohol and my prescriptions. My gamma gt levels in my liver are high and I have high blood pressure. I'm trying to cut back but its so hard. I'm not a stumbling or slurring drunk, but enough for a buzz and to make me feel different than what I feel. I know I need help, but don't believe in aa. I hate it and it puts me into manic states of mind. I'm at my wits end. Medication isn't helping me, and I've been on almost everything out there already. I don't know what to do anymore, I love alcohol

If youre an alcoholic, chances are youll need to not drink at all. If you don't think you can have zero drinks today, you may not fully be ready to quit. Compromise is apart of alcoholism. Wanting to control it. But if you're an alcoholic, chances are you cant control it. Until you are ready to stop trying to control it, and let it fly free, you won't get anywhere sadly.

Audentia wrote:Sounds like you have a valid reason to quit, but you're clearly not mentally ready for it yet. You have to want to stop. That's the first step.

Yes but who that self medicates would actually want to stop? I have no choice now, as I am out of cash which is a good thing for me to dry out. Thank you for your input:)

mystic803 wrote:Yes but who that self medicates would actually want to stop?

Me.

I self-medicated my bipolar. Then I got prescribed meds that -- I was warned -- would ruin my liver even by themselves, and with alcohol would absolutely wreck it. Yet they didn't seem to work so I continued drinking to "help myself feel better" until finally I realised I was indeed ruining my liver and my mind hasn't felt any better once I sobered up. And so I stopped -- I drank twice in the last 15 months, both times in connection with my bipolar going out of control. I'm trying to learn ways to cope with my illness that will allow me to indeed never drink again.

mystic803 wrote:

Audentia wrote:Sounds like you have a valid reason to quit, but you're clearly not mentally ready for it yet. You have to want to stop. That's the first step.

Yes but who that self medicates would actually want to stop? I have no choice now, as I am out of cash which is a good thing for me to dry out. Thank you for your input:)

Well, I ended up homeless, ODing, spending nights at the hospital and in jail due to my self-medicating. Id rather act crazy than be in jail and homeless.