New member- Want to finally be honest about my drinking

I should learn how to phrase opinions better.

And I keep forgetting about the medication thing. Sorry, my other forums where I posted were all about medication mostly.

Hi!

I've just been reading through all the posts and it has got very heated.

I'll start by telling you I went to my regular doctor today and told him of my chest and throat discomfort. I didn't speak to him about my alcohol use as my partner came with me and I couldn't bring myself to do it. For the record my partner does not have an issue with alcohol himself. We do have plenty of time in our relationship also where we are both sober as we live together and we get on just fine. The doc knows that I have had previous tests done and nothing sinister has shown up so I discussed my feelings of anxiety. He said that this could be connected and that anxiety can cause such physical symptoms but has also given me a letter of referral for an MRI which we can't afford the moment - price will be 4oo altogether. He also gave me a prescription for anxicalm which I don't know if I will take as I had that thought if I like it in the same way as alcohol I'll abuse it. Then part of me wants to try it to see if I relax the chest discomfort will pass. I've had 2 flares up of it quite badly today.

I still feel lost of what to do as he didn't discuss my anxiety really where its''s coming from etc.. ( he isn't the best of doctors ) so I think I will need to find a psychiatrist for that. I just can't bring myself to be honest about the alcohol the shame is overpowering me. I'm still terrified about this pain and discomfort

400 -- that's a lot of money (I assume you mean $). I'm sorry to hear that.

Would it be possible for you to give the anxicalm to your partner and mention that you heard this can be very addictive and you're worried so just in case could he put it away and only give you 1 a day (or however many you were prescribed)?

Big hugs -- I hope it passes soon.

No its in euro. I live in Ireland. It is very expensive especially with a wedding fast approaching.

That is a good idea to give to my boyfriend he might think it is strange though as he doesn't know the full extent of my drinking so he probably wouldn't think I have a problem with taking them. The doctor said while he was there to make sure I didn't eat them like candy. I have read they relax muscles in the body so I wanted to try them to see if they ease the discomfort I 'm having and if not I know its some other problem and I can save for that MRI.

I'm doing well at the not drinking during the week anymore and I think I'm making some progress even if just a little. I do think I should see a psychiatrist so I will have to start trying to track a good one down and affordable.

Thanks and the same to you. Keep n touch with your progress its nice to support each other

x

Anxicalm (diazepam) is a benzodiazepine. Don't mix those with alcohol - EVER.

Leaving it with your partner is a great idea. This way he can keep track of your doses and you won't be at risk from yourself.

I'll be looking forward for your success.
Keep us updated on you you're doing!

I'm curious to know if the physical symptoms you're having are anxiety and/or alcohol related.
*mod edit*

Thanks Twistednerve.

I am going to get the anxicalm tomorrow. Do you know if you have to take it regularly or if you just take it when you feel anxious?

That is what I want to know too. If the anxicalm eases the symptoms then it might point at the anxiety. I think I should save for the MRI to rule out everything. I am sitting here typing this again with the pain its very worrying to me.

Thanks for all your help guys

I am going to get the anxicalm tomorrow. Do you know if you have to take it regularly or if you just take it when you feel anxious?

I'm sorry but I need to step in here in my moderator hat: nobody can answer this question for you, S adie, except your doctor, and if someone does, I will edit it out and send them a warning.

The mod team has created a new sticky as a result of this thread's unexpected direction -- you can find it here.

I hope your pain goes away without the need for MRI -- that would be the best solution. I'll keep fingers crossed for you.

S adie wrote:Hi!

I've just been reading through all the posts and it has got very heated.

I'll start by telling you I went to my regular doctor today and told him of my chest and throat discomfort. I didn't speak to him about my alcohol use as my partner came with me and I couldn't bring myself to do it. For the record my partner does not have an issue with alcohol himself. We do have plenty of time in our relationship also where we are both sober as we live together and we get on just fine. The doc knows that I have had previous tests done and nothing sinister has shown up so I discussed my feelings of anxiety. He said that this could be connected and that anxiety can cause such physical symptoms but has also given me a letter of referral for an MRI which we can't afford the moment - price will be 4oo altogether. He also gave me a prescription for anxicalm which I don't know if I will take as I had that thought if I like it in the same way as alcohol I'll abuse it. Then part of me wants to try it to see if I relax the chest discomfort will pass. I've had 2 flares up of it quite badly today.

I still feel lost of what to do as he didn't discuss my anxiety really where its''s coming from etc.. ( he isn't the best of doctors ) so I think I will need to find a psychiatrist for that. I just can't bring myself to be honest about the alcohol the shame is overpowering me. I'm still terrified about this pain and discomfort

Its hard to have a discussion where it might possibly be coming from, if youre lying to the doctor . If you want to deal with this anxiety correctly, your gonna have to be honest about everything, that includes alcohol consumption . This means if you cant be honest in front of your BF, don't bring him, or have him sit in the front office.

Also Anxicalm is a benzo, and if you're still drinking, you need to be careful. Those two drugs have a compounding effect, so I fear you will overshoot the the mark and cause some serious issues(becoming intoxicated far beyond what you intended). Addiction side ignored, consideration of abuse ignored, even a correct dose of a benzo, while drinking alcohol can cause a person to overshoot the mark(become far more intoxicated that they planned).

Only the doctor, or the pill bottle knows how you should be taking them.

Also, if you cant just stop drinking for a few weeks or months(zero alcohol consumption, nope one drop) to see how your anxiety does, I fear we have a situation where no matter what you do, the situation is just gonna keep popping up. I'm one messed one cookie, and still able to not drink and do drugs despite whats going on. Have had a few instances, I had some serious suicidal ideations and depression, anger outburst, friends being dicks, anxiety, stress of medical classes, and still did not do anything for about 2 years now( suicide attempt at year 1, 2 years so far without a suicide attempt. 3 years total. I went with suicide over getting drunk or high). Not saying let get to the point I did, but the point is you can not drink despite whats going on. Its doable, despite the anxiety. What I fear is, if its a true addiction, when/if the anxiety lifts (which is likely not to happen if its an true addiction, as your alcohol will always cause you distress), you have lost that excuse for your drinks, and will just seek out a new one. Despite anxiety, you still don't have to drink.

Just something to consider.

The shame can be tough to handle at one point. But the reality is, most people will be supportive. We have a few restaurants, in my town, that hire directly from a half house around here. They like to help the recovering addicts get back on their feet. But most of all, it gives you peace to not have to live in shame/secrets. I'm going into the medical field, surgical specifically. You know what though? Im still gonna make sure they know. That means they will be breathing down my neck. They will be up my ass if a drug goes missing. I wont be able to go near a med without someone peaking around a corner. I will probably be drug tested more than any other employee there. Guess what? That means I cant ###$ up. They know. I mess up, I'm boned. And I know that. I know they will find me out if I do mess up, so I wont be getting away with anything.

I would rather have people breathing down my neck about missing drugs, and having to pop out a drug test every week cause they think it was me, than to give myself the wiggle room to consider it, possibly get away with it, and keep doing it. Cause that means Im still sober, and I can improve when I'm sober. I cant when I'm using.Wiggle room isn't good for staying sober. Id rather feel shame, than feel a drug enter my system that was not needed.

Hear, hear

I'm similar. After my relapse I told my boyfriend no matter what I do or say I am not to be allowed even one drink. I tell my friends what the NA keytag means. I told bartenders at my old watering hole (they were kinda surprised when I walked in after a long absence and ordered tea. TEA?! shrieked one of them as if I said rat poison ) Put obstacles between you and the alcohol. Make it harder, not easier, to make that final "ah what the heck I'll just have a few" decision.

Hi guys!

First of all sorry I didn't intend to overstep the mark by asking questions about the meds and your right this should be discussed with my doctor. I am actually thinking of changing doctors as I find he doesn't supply enough information in general. I need to go by myself and be completely honest. I'm thinking a gp then see if they can refer me to some psychiatrist.

My drinking habits are funny in a way that if something really bad happens that upsets me I don't turn to alcohol I won't be in the mood like that feeling of you can't eat when really stressed. Its like my enjoyment and escape something to look forward to. I am in a very good relationship have lots of friends, I'm a dancer and I work out a lot like 6 times a week so a very functioning alcoholic I am if I am an alcoholic. I do really look forward to it and its something I have been doing for over a decade. So its confusing to me why I have that compulsion. Maybe the general anxiety I have drives me to that release but I don't use it to run to if I actually have a problem to deal with . For instance if a there was a death in my family and I was grieving I wouldn't touch it as I know it will make me an emotional wreak.

Zausel it sounds like you have gotten to a very good place and I can see how honesty can release you from yourself as in you can more easily give into the temptation when nobody knows. Its sounds like a good idea to tell them your history and as you said you know you can't mess up.

I know what your saying about the anxiety and the drinking. I am only realizing since putting the post on this forum that I may have a general anxiety disorder so before I wasn't aware that I could be drinking because I 'm anxious I didn't really understand why. It started cause I thought it relaxed me, gave me more confidence and enjoyed the feeling and its always been connected with drinking while spending time with my partners- that is what I need to get to the bottom of,

Oliveira yes that feeling that suddenly comes into your head I'll have a few I've been able to resist once I know Saturday night is coming and my routine of drinking is going to be there. Last night my partner had 4 beers as it was our 3 year anniversary and he brought home a bottle of wine. I had 2 and a half glasses and stopped. That is good for me as before I would of drank the bottle and wanted more. I don't know whether it was because I was sitting there and I didn't have any secret drinks before, chatting on this forum or just being aware. I just enjoyed the moment in the drinking. I don't know if its progress or just what happened last night . What you did going to the local bar etc I truly admire- that takes a lot of courage and determination I just wonder is there a point I need to reach before doing that. I'm hoping I can just cut back and have my Saturday nights drinks and that will be ok and not return to the secret drinking - thats my goal its finding out if that is realistic do I need to just stop, very confusing.