New member- Want to finally be honest about my drinking

Thank you twistednerve you really have been of help. I had a feeling of a sense of relief reading that. It makes sense to me.

No I don't have any depression or mental health issues but I am aware that I do get very anxious over things, my partner says it to me sometimes and my Mother. I tend to worry a lot too. I will put the comfort of others before myself or worry that for instance if I can't do something or cancel an arrangement with a friend how they will feel. I get anxious about decisions I have to make. I just wasn't really aware that this is why I am drinking.

I have actually just had a discussion with my partner about my anxiety and maybe going to a psychiatrist as I think it would be good for me. He thinks its a good idea and seems happy that I want to help myself. I didn't say anything about the drinking though as I just find it hard to talk about that.

When I read your bit there about anxiety physical symptoms I almost cried. Could it be what is causing this sensation ? I am so wrapped up in feeling guilty and thinking that I've been drinking heavily for so long that I must have done damage to my liver that I feel discomfort from here? I do get that thing the next day after drinking a feeling of paranoia and nervy. I've been itching at night too as I get sweaty.

I came onto this forum to see if I could understand what I've been doing and I'm so glad I did. I do think I need to go talk to someone. I'm not sure what the procedure will be regards to how the sessions go but I don't want to keep feeling this way. I always worried about something since I was a child and kinda even though you wouldn't think it as I have been successful in life also that I would have anxiety issues or feelings sometimes of being inadequate.

Just one more thing which may be connected is that I find it hard to complete tasks. Even household stuff I go from one thing I'm doing to the other and find it hard to stay on top of things unless I make out lists and follow them. I can clean up somewhere and then mess it in 5 mins and not even notice or appreciate what I did.

Thank you I really feel I can start to do something about it

Oliveira you haven't been too tough. I need to know these things.

Its obvious I have a problem with feeling anxious etc and I need to figure out what is going on with me. I think twistednerve has given some good advice and I hope to make a change.

I will let you know how I get on.

Thanks so much

-- Tue Jul 15, 2014 12:37 am --

Twistednerve. You say you had problem with anxiety yourself. Was your pattern of drinking similar to mine?

Nah. I never was much of a drinker. A regular one, at least.

I just stumbled upon this part of the forums in the main page, and found I could be of help.

In 2010 and 2011 I drank heavily, I can't tell you why, though... I would drink alone, entire bottles of sake (my favorite. sweet and strong) during the night, while doing whatever.
Went clubbing every weekend, where I also drank like there was no tomorrow.
Also would meet friends at bars, not just clubs... Always a lot of alcohol. And I had no limits in general. I was really living intensely back then.

I broke my foot at the time, because I was so wasted I kept falling on the street while I walked.

But I swear I didn't had a drinking problem.

But around late 2011 was when I started having panic attacks. Soon after I quit alcohol altogether, because I started taking meds and mixing different drugs is a bad idea. Specially benzodiazepines and alcohol. (a little heads up, since i's likely you will be prescribed those)

Even so, turns out, alcohol gives intense rebound anxiety the following day. It's because when it's being metabolized, alcohol produces another molecule that instead of reducing anxiety, it causes it. So after about 12 hours or less, people will get intense, deep anxiety. Could be the reason of your paranoiaish feelings.
So I just can't drink alcohol, not even little ammounts, as I get the "next day" anxiety. Don't miss it at all.


Anxious people are antsy, yeah. Even though they shy out in social situations and seem like the quite type, they are very agitated and have trouble keeping things in a good rhythm. Anxiety = "I HAVE TO DO ALL OF THIS AND I HAVE SO LITTLE TIME OMG OMG OMG HURRY!!!".

Anxiety also fuzzes up your attention, memory, focus and makes it difficult to have nice, calm, linear thoughts.
Feelings of guilt, shame and other types of social inadequacy fears are very high. Anxious people dislike rejection.
Worries and irrational fears come to mind all the time.
Hypochondria is also common. It's when you always believe you're sick, or that weird things are happening to your body. And you fear diseases.
Some anxious people exagerate... and think the worse.
A cough is tuberculosis. Your mother is late, so she was robbed and kidnapped. Your boss looked at you funny, so you will be fired. Etc..

Not everything applies to everyone, but read up on anxiety disorders.
There are forums for that, here, too. Maybe what people say there will relate to you, check it out if you will.

If you cant stop, its an addiction. If you always return, its an addiction.

It doesn't matter how much you drink, where/when/how you drink, why you drink. Those thinks affect the severity of the addiction, not if its an addiction. If its affecting your life and you cant stop, its an addiction. Most people stop touching stove tops after they touched it the first time. An alcoholic touches the stove again. One night, I was playing a game of hide and seek,and I ran into a tree stump and almost impaled myself on it. Had it been broken, and not sawed clean, it would have been sharper and impaled me to some degree. To this day I don't go near tree stumps, even if Im not running and its pitch dark out. I went to the hospital 4 times for drug related reasons. Guess what? I kept doin drugs. That makes me a addict.

If you withdrawal when you stop, Id advise a detox center. Alcohol withdrawal isn't something to ###$ with.

And a bit of hard truth. Id put off the wedding til you stop drinking. People change when they stop an addiction. Their personality can be wildly different. There view of things(of people) can be wildly different. He may not like you sober, you may not like him sober. He's so used to interacting with you when you've been drinking, You're so used to interacting with him drinking, that you guys will basically be rediscovering each other. You say drinking allows you to do things outside your comfort zone. hes used to that. What happens when you stop drinking, and that stops? There will be a period of time where you have to learn to get that back without alcohol, if you get it back. So if you stop drinking, I would think about making sure you guys can handle each other when you're sober and cant fall back on alcohol to save yourself.

Also sometimes a seasoned addict, can seem healthy when using, but things can fall apart once they stop. had some people who seemed healthy enough when they got into treatment, but 6 months to 2 years later, things started going south. One guy seemed healthy when he started, doctors said he was alright. 1 year later he died of organ failure. Does a number on the body, that sometimes don't happen til you get sober. So Id also advise when you do stop, to see a doctor regularly for at least a year to make sure.

Honestly is a good policy to have when it comes to this. Don't have to divulge all the details, but letting your BF know you do in fact have an issue, will help you. A support system is a lot of help and if noone knows, noone can support and help you get through it.

I personally am a fan of complete abstinence. A beer is pointless to me. It doesn't do anything, and if Im gonna drink liquids for taste, Ill have a soda not beer. With that knowledge, I know if I do have a beer, Im gonna get drunk. Having 1 beer has always confused me. Does not compute to me how someone likes the taste that much. It doesnt taste like absolute $#%^, but it doesnt taste good enough that I drink it for taste. And since you drink for basically the same reason, the feelings assocciated, I don't see it goin well if you drink at all either.

What my treatment would tell all the new people is: You're not a bad person trying to be good, you're a sick person trying to well. You likely are a good person, and may do bad things, but most people turn into assholes when they get sick. So don't feel bad about it, just take responsibility and get well

twistednerve wrote:Well, if you do it because of how it makes you feel, it's ok, as long as you stablish some boundaries of what's healthy and what's not.

If you do it to fight anxiety, that's fine, BUT THERE ARE better alternatives.

If you have cravings and you feel like you can not live without alcohol for long, and you keep finding different excuses, you may be an alcoholic.

If you just often cannot feel comfortable with too many aspects of your life, and alcohol is the thing making it possible, I would try to find alternatives too. This isn't healthy - taking drugs to feel better is obviously ok, but alcohol may not be your best bet.

You seem like an anxious person in general, correct?

You do realize most drug addicts/alcoholics drink to feel better/change feelings/ get away from problems right? That's like telling a compulsive gambler its ok to use the slot machines.

Some drugs, like psych meds (that arent benzos, sleeping pills)when monitored by a physician are fine to take. I take an anti depressant and anti psychotic. I cant really abuse those. They don't mess me up. If my doc gave me Xanax, Id be in the hospital the next week. If a particularly #######5 week, possibly dead. Not entirely cool to suggest using an type of intoxicant to feel better is ok....on an addiction board. Addicts/alcoholics aren't generally known for their self control when it comes to intoxicants.

zausel wrote:You do realize most drug addicts/alcoholics drink to feel better/change feelings/ get away from problems right? That's like telling a compulsive gambler its ok to use the slot machines.

Yes, and sometimes these problems are justifiable as needing some sort of drug therapy. Like with her anxiety.

*mod edit*

Some drugs, like psych meds (that arent benzos, sleeping pills)when monitored by a physician are fine to take. I take an anti depressant and anti psychotic. I cant really abuse those. They don't mess me up. If my doc gave me Xanax, Id be in the hospital the next week. If a particularly #######5 week, possibly dead. Not entirely cool to suggest using an type of intoxicant to feel better is ok....on an addiction board. Addicts/alcoholics aren't generally known for their self control when it comes to intoxicants.

Depends on what you define as "abuse"... You can abuse antidepressants to get a high. And you can abuse antipsychotics to escape reality or your life. Also, they're highly more addicting in terms of creating really bad, horrible withdrawals than any other psychiatric drug classes. Though I do see, statistically, more people feel "good" with benzos. I'm not one of those, benzos usually make me a little sad, then sleepy, and then I really sleep. So yeah, it varies...

*mod edit*

And I don't know what you mean by "intoxicant". Benzodiazepines and alcohol are highly non-toxic.
You mean they give you a "buzz"?

twistednerve wrote:

zausel wrote:You do realize most drug addicts/alcoholics drink to feel better/change feelings/ get away from problems right? That's like telling a compulsive gambler its ok to use the slot machines.

Yes, and sometimes these problems are justifiable as needing some sort of drug therapy. Like with her anxiety.

*mod edit*

Some drugs, like psych meds (that arent benzos, sleeping pills)when monitored by a physician are fine to take. I take an anti depressant and anti psychotic. I cant really abuse those. They don't mess me up. If my doc gave me Xanax, Id be in the hospital the next week. If a particularly #######5 week, possibly dead. Not entirely cool to suggest using an type of intoxicant to feel better is ok....on an addiction board. Addicts/alcoholics aren't generally known for their self control when it comes to intoxicants.

Depends on what you define as "abuse"... You can abuse antidepressants to get a high. And you can abuse antipsychotics to escape reality or your life. Also, they're highly more addicting in terms of creating really bad, horrible withdrawals than any other psychiatric drug classes. Though I do see, statistically, more people feel "good" with benzos. I'm not one of those, benzos usually make me a little sad, then sleepy, and then I really sleep. So yeah, it varies...

*mod edit*

And I don't know what you mean by "intoxicant". Benzodiazepines and alcohol are highly non-toxic.
You mean they give you a "buzz"?

ya...but Ive ran into plenty of folks in AA who had a good childhood, no major life issues. Still alcoholics. it doesn't take a massive traumatic experience to create one. At the root of it, most addicts just like being messed up. They like the feeling. All sorts of excuses tossed around, but in reality, drugs just give them something life never will. You can get them sober, and give them a perfect life. Give them their drug back 20 years later and they will toss that perfect life out the window. Ive seen it happen.

intoxicant = gets you high,drunk, ###$ up, silly, spinning, twisted, geekin, speedin or whatever you want to call it.

I just see telling someone with a substance problem to try a dif drug on the same level of telling a compulsive gambler "well, you didnt handle roulette well, so why dont you try blackjack instead".

Of course drugs can be used safely. That chance diminishes greatly when you involve someone addicted to some type of drug though. Especially when your alternate drug choice has a similar effect to the one you were addicted too. You do realize a symptom of addiction is inability to control use, right? Chances are low they will use the "right amount".

I dont know how you did it honestly. I tried abusing my meds. It did nothing. Its like abusing advil. It just makes you sick. it takes far to long to go into effect that it is not a drug of abuse among addicts. I cant say Ive ever heard someone jonsing for some Zoloft. The withdrawal isnt fun, but that doesnt mean its a drug of abuse. Its just a drug with withdrawal symptoms. There is zero reason to abuse it, besides hating yourself and wanting to make yourself sick.

You're talkin to someone that would abuse anything. I drank OTC cough syrup, inhalants, OTC sleeping pills, ive tried advil, tums, that pink stuff for upset stomachs, If I didnt find anything I wanted. Telling me to use benzos cause I have an anxiety problem and drug therapy helps it, is just gonna end up with me in a hospital for ODing. And frankly, when it comes to an addict, I just suggest not using anything that will intoxicate you, unless youre in the hospital, and not leaving, and its given by a physician, so you cant abuse it, or someone else is carrying your script, so you cant abuse it. Cause if someone is addicted to one drug, chances are high they will just switch their addiction to the new drug. Is it always the case? nah. But the case is generally more often than not the case, and isn't worth the gamble.

Its like this: We have a stove. The stove may or may not be on. I have covered all the buttons so you cant check, and the stove tops shows no signs(its one of those fancy stoves). The only way to see if the stove tops are on is to touch it, and you must leave your hand there for at least 3 seconds. Do you touch it, burning yourself in the process, to see if its on, or do you pass? It may or may not be on. And you know what will happen if you are wrong. You may or may not handle another drug that gives a high, but considering what the first drug did to your life, why would you chance it with another drug? If you are wrong, you're in the same hole as before.

zausel wrote:ya...but Ive ran into plenty of folks in AA who had a good childhood, no major life issues. Still alcoholics. it doesn't take a massive traumatic experience to create one. At the root of it, most addicts just like being messed up. They like the feeling. All sorts of excuses tossed around, but in reality, drugs just give them something life never will. You can get them sober, and give them a perfect life. Give them their drug back 20 years later and they will toss that perfect life out the window. Ive seen it happen.

*mod edit*

intoxicant = gets you high,drunk, ###$ up, silly, spinning, twisted, geekin, speedin or whatever you want to call it.

Got it. Well, benzos aren't always like that. Depends on the person and the type. Bromazepam is the only one that makes me "happy", like it's an instant good mood. But I don't take it because it doesn't resolve anxiety fully, neither does the insomnia. So, to avoid mixing benzos, I prefer alprazolam, which makes my mood crap but does the trick.

I just see telling someone with a substance problem to try a dif drug on the same level of telling a compulsive gambler "well, you didnt handle roulette well, so why dont you try blackjack instead".

Well, that analogy doesn't carry, I think.
*mod edit*

Of course drugs can be used safely. That chance diminishes greatly when you involve someone addicted to some type of drug though. Especially when your alternate drug choice has a similar effect to the one you were addicted too. You do realize a symptom of addiction is inability to control use, right? Chances are low they will use the "right amount".

I doubt it the OP will be like that. She seems like quite a resonable person *mod edit*

I dont know how you did it honestly. I tried abusing my meds. It did nothing. Its like abusing advil. It just makes you sick.

Don't be offended if say I can't tell you how.
But that's something that depends on the individual... Like you said, you can abuse Xanax. To me, "high" (3mg is my limit!) dose of Xanax at once = depression and coma. Other people can snort 20mg Xanax and be up partying all night euphorically. You get the point.

You're talkin to someone that would abuse anything. I drank OTC cough syrup, inhalants, OTC sleeping pills, ive tried advil, tums, that pink stuff for upset stomachs, If I didnt find anything I wanted. Telling me to use benzos cause I have an anxiety problem and drug therapy helps it, is just gonna end up with me in a hospital for ODing. And frankly, when it comes to an addict, I just suggest not using anything that will intoxicate you, unless youre in the hospital, and not leaving, and its given by a physician, so you cant abuse it, or someone else is carrying your script, so you cant abuse it. Cause if someone is addicted to one drug, chances are high they will just switch their addiction to the new drug. Is it always the case? nah. But the case is generally more often than not the case, and isn't worth the gamble.

*mod edit*

So beware of withdrawals, S adie, talk about this subject with your doctor.

twistednerve wrote:

zausel wrote:ya...but Ive ran into plenty of folks in AA who had a good childhood, no major life issues. Still alcoholics. it doesn't take a massive traumatic experience to create one. At the root of it, most addicts just like being messed up. They like the feeling. All sorts of excuses tossed around, but in reality, drugs just give them something life never will. You can get them sober, and give them a perfect life. Give them their drug back 20 years later and they will toss that perfect life out the window. Ive seen it happen.

*mod edit*

intoxicant = gets you high,drunk, ###$ up, silly, spinning, twisted, geekin, speedin or whatever you want to call it.

Got it. Well, benzos aren't always like that. Depends on the person and the type. Bromazepam is the only one that makes me "happy", like it's an instant good mood. But I don't take it because it doesn't resolve anxiety fully, neither does the insomnia. So, to avoid mixing benzos, I prefer alprazolam, which makes my mood crap but does the trick.

I just see telling someone with a substance problem to try a dif drug on the same level of telling a compulsive gambler "well, you didnt handle roulette well, so why dont you try blackjack instead".

Well, that analogy doesn't carry, I think.
*mod edit*

Of course drugs can be used safely. That chance diminishes greatly when you involve someone addicted to some type of drug though. Especially when your alternate drug choice has a similar effect to the one you were addicted too. You do realize a symptom of addiction is inability to control use, right? Chances are low they will use the "right amount".

I doubt it the OP will be like that. She seems like quite a resonable person *mod edit*

I dont know how you did it honestly. I tried abusing my meds. It did nothing. Its like abusing advil. It just makes you sick.

Don't be offended if say I can't tell you how.
But that's something that depends on the individual... Like you said, you can abuse Xanax. To me, "high" (3mg is my limit!) dose of Xanax at once = depression and coma. Other people can snort 20mg Xanax and be up partying all night euphorically. You get the point.

You're talkin to someone that would abuse anything. I drank OTC cough syrup, inhalants, OTC sleeping pills, ive tried advil, tums, that pink stuff for upset stomachs, If I didnt find anything I wanted. Telling me to use benzos cause I have an anxiety problem and drug therapy helps it, is just gonna end up with me in a hospital for ODing. And frankly, when it comes to an addict, I just suggest not using anything that will intoxicate you, unless youre in the hospital, and not leaving, and its given by a physician, so you cant abuse it, or someone else is carrying your script, so you cant abuse it. Cause if someone is addicted to one drug, chances are high they will just switch their addiction to the new drug. Is it always the case? nah. But the case is generally more often than not the case, and isn't worth the gamble.

*mod edit*

So beware of withdrawals, S adie, talk about this subject with your doctor.

Ever heard of cross-addiction? Your gym analogy only works if its possible someone is gonna pop out from a corner and punch you in the nuts. benzos are a very common drug of abuse. Youve said yourself, you are not an addict or abuser. So I don't see how your interaction with drugs even applies. You dont seem to understand that someone addicted to one substance, has a greatly increased chance of becoming addicted to another substance, even more so if it has a similar effect on the brain(benzos and alcohol have a compounding effect, they give similar effects, and affect te brain similiarly.).

Like ive said, touch the stove or don't. Its your decision. I couldn't care less either way. its your life. Im just making her aware that switching to another intoxicant, may not work out. I've resolved quite a few of my issues. Have I tried using again? Nope. Even 3 years later, with issues resolved, I would tell a doctor not to give me a Xanax script, a pain killer script, barbituate script. I really don't feel like tempting myself and possibly heading back down the road. Possible consequences far outweigh any positives.

Im just saying a psychology approach is far better than a "tempting of fate" psychiatric approach with a common drug of abuse that has similar effects on the brain as alcohol. Far safer and less of a gambling option with a psychological approach. If it doesnt work, we now have a drinker with benzos. Alcohol + benzos isnt a good combo.

She may not have a issue with alcohol. She might. Honestly I don't care either way, I dont make the decisions for her. its not my hypothetical grave Id be digging.

Ive said what I can. Im done. I wont lose any sleep if your course of action does end badly. If not, thats great, im happy for her.

This thread has sadly been allowed to run too far out of control before I noticed what is going on.

It is against forum rules to diagnose other members. It is against forum rules to dictate what prescription medication is fine or not to take. It is against forum rules to normalise drug use. It is up to nobody on this forum, including me, to diagnose whether someone's addiction is "moderate" or "minor" or "major". Forum rules may be found here: forum-rules.php

It is unfortunately too late to edit out all offending posts, but the ones that OP has not responded to are going to be edited. If anybody has a problem with that, do please remember moderator decisions are not to be discussed on the open forum -- PMs are the way to go.

I now return you to the conversation, with a caveat that I am going to watch this thread closely and lock it if I see forum rules broken again.