connecting with the world, post-alcohol

OK, so here's my story. I'm 23, male, and a recent college graduate. I smoked pot and drank heavily from the beginning of my freshman up until half way through my senior year. Throughout my time at college I had a lot of problems with depression and anxiety, which stemmed, I think, from the feeling that I wasn't on the same intellectual level as a lot my classmates. To cope with the stress this caused, I drank and smoked pot heavily, and also experimented with several others drugs - namely: vyvanse, mushrooms (6 times), acid (once), and various other prescription painkillers and anti-anxiety medications. I never really felt like I belonged with any particular group, so I steadily began isolating myself. By the time I graduated I was pretty much devoid of an identity. I had completely lost sight of who I was and what I stood for.

About half way through my junior year I decided to go to see a doctor. Without much questioning, she put me on Prozac. I took it for two months, but it turned me into a brain dead zombie who never wanted to leave the house, so I cut it out of my routine.

I also took Wellbutrin for two months, about a year ago. For a while I thought it was going to be the Wonder Drug that Saved My Soul, but after the placebo period wore off the side effects started rearing their ugly head. It made me jittery and anxious, and when I came down from the "high" I became extremely irritated and annoyed.

I've pretty much given up on drugs as a cure for my psychological problems..

About six months ago, I made the decisions to stop abusing drugs - including alcohol. I've stuck to that promise, for the most part. Nowadays, the most I'll do is have a beer or two at lunch or dinner. I smoke pot maybe once every two months, thinking that I'll enjoy it, but it just ends up making me paranoid and weird. On the whole, chucking drugs to the wayside has been a positive move for me. But I'm still not exactly where I want to be.

I'm trying to get my life back on track, but I'm finding it very difficult to concentrate and immerse myself in the world after living in my imagination for so long. It feels like a veil has been thrown over my eyes...like there's something keeping me from fully engaging with the outside world. I have trouble keeping up the simplest of conversations because I'm easily distracted, and can't focus on what the person is saying. Because of this, I usually have nothing to say in return (or if I just mutter some sort of empty, meaningless phrase), and I end up staring blankly into space like a dummy. Most of the time, my mind is completely empty.

My attention span is equivalent to that of a stoned goldfish. I have an incredible amount of difficulty recalling anything. And because it takes an incredible amount of concentration for me to think in a linear manner, I end up skipping over obvious things and making simple mistakes.

In general, I feel like my brain moves much slower than other people's, and it's really starting to worry me. I don't want to be dumb and socially awkward for the rest of my life.

Maybe I'm just being neurotic about all of this, but it seems like a big deal to me.

So the gist of my question is this: are there any success stories out there...any former druggies/people with psychological disorders who overcame their hardships and are now living life on the Right Track? How did you recapture the fire? How did you clear the mental fog? How were you able to refocus on the real world and actual start enjoying life again?

Thanks in advance

I'm still working on it but once you see drugs and alcohol as a negative presence in your life for your own personal reasons, you'll have more courage to move forward with life and experience the world sober.