Recovered Drug Abuser, Occasional Drinker

I am new to this message board, I am not quite sure how this works. Here is an issue that I have been dealing with for some time now. Maybe someone on here has a few words of wisdom for me.

I am an intelligent person, and I understand the detrimental effects of alcohol and substances. I am a 22 year old college senior studying Psychology. I began drinking when I was 16 years old, but only lightly during parties. As time went on, I was introduced to opiates, cocaine, ecstasy and other hallucinogenics. My favorite were opiates, and I became a garbage disposal as it were. From the ages 18 to 20 I could not go a day without using multiple times. Eventually, the monetary and social cost became too high for me and I made a commitment to quit.

I have always been highly functional outwardly, but when I use I have to balance these two polar opposite lifestyles. I work full time as well as go to school full time with an internship.

When I decided to sober up, I went though a nasty detox on my own, with information online. Since then, I have relapsed for brief times (2-3 days) a few times.

As of today, I have not used an opiate in five months, but still drink occasionally. I would say that most of the time I can enjoy one drink without going overboard, but the potential is there. I have a history of drinking to the point of blacking out and potentially using again.

The friends that I have surrounded myself with are aware of my drug history, and do not use drugs themselves which is helpful. However, they are heavy drinkers (like partying on the weekends). I feel left out when I do not partake, but know that I should not because I value my health and happiness. When I lose control I feel severe guilt, and no longer want to continue this cycle.

I have signed up to see a councilor with my school, I have always been very secretive about this aspect of my life.

Thank you.

It sounds like you've done a very good job of making progress on your own by cutting out opiates and limiting drinking to just minor amounts in social situations. I'd say you made some great life changes and I think having a counselor will help you stay on the right track so that's a good step too. Keep up the good work, it sounds like you've improved quite a bit in the last few months.

Thanks, I feel pretty happy about my decision on most days.

I just feel like sometimes since I have stopped using pretty empty and boring. I remember during that time in my life, I was the life of the party. I don't know, I guess I just feel like I have lost my spark you know. I don't know if I am being hard on myself or whatever, but I feel like I can't explain myself very well sometimes, I kind of jumble my words a lot too. I feel like I get nervous way more now, especially about little things that don't matter and second guess myself. I guess when I drink, I feel that anxiety relieved. I feel so much more passionate and excited about things. Which I know is pretty common. I know that I have occasionally suffered from depression, at certain points in my life I have been on 10mg of lexapro a day, but didn't really like it or see a huge improvement.

Also, I feel like part of the problem is that people don't really fully understand me, especially because my recovery was so secretive. I kind of keep people at a distance. It has been a while since I have really let someone in. I know that sounds pretty lame, but I think sometimes it explains a lot about me. I can literally count on two hands all of the people who are currently close to me who know about this.

I don't know if any one else on here has and advice for me, but it would be appreciated.

Drugs and alcohol completely derailed my life. I managed to quit drinking which was my main problem but before that I struggled with other drugs in the past, not so much now but I know my biggest issues is substance abuse, and it's what I'm being treated for.

From what you've said, I think you're doing very well for yourself but there may be a time when you feel like letting people know more about your struggles. It doesn't have to be everyone, just people you are very close to, and I think they will be supportive if they care about you.

I'd also suggest joining a support group, there are usually plenty of them, you just need to know where to look. Having sponsors could be very useful for you. And building a large support system in general is another precaution you can take.

Hi MissAmygdala,

I agree with HopeU, it seems like you're doing everything right.

I've always been very secretive with my drinking issues too (I've never had issues with other drugs). Some friends know about it - not because I told them, but because it got obvious. I won't even admit to most people, so there's only a small handful of people who I've opening and honestly talked about it with. No one in my family has any idea. I've lived away from family for a long time, so it's been easy to hide it from them.

I used to drink a lot more than I do now - now I still binge drink, but not every night any more. I never got in any real trouble because of it, and could function well enough to keep a job etc.

Anyway what I wanted to say is that I think it's a good thing if your friends know about your issues, even when they're passed issues. I'm being a hypocrit here, since I'm still relatively secretive about my own issues, but I think if people you're close to and spend a lot of time with know about it then it's one extra layer of support. I know in my case it would come in really useful at times, when I feel too weak myself to resist the urge to drink, if there was someone else around who understood me, and could be strong for me and encourage me not to.

You are done good job. If you have recovered from alcohol addiction and now you drink only occasionally. I think you should not drink occasionally because you can again relapse to alcohol addiction. In my opinion you have to prevent from alcohol drinking.