Is this crisis, agoraphobia?

I feel that my entire world has shrunk down to a tiny apartment that I rent out. I never would have thought that it would become my whole world. There is really nothing special about this apartment.

I'm finding it harder and harder to even open the door of the apartment to check the mail outside the door, much less leave to go out somewhere. I've come to the point that just the sound of other humans (walking in the apartment above me and such) makes me scared, angry, and want to make all other humans be no where in sound distance of me.

It is just so bad now that I'm pretty much non functional. Someone please tell me if you feel this way about even hearing other humans.

I relate soooo much to what you have written here. I rent a small apartment too and it's more or less the only place I go. I go to the shops at night, late, when there is next to no-one there but it still stresses me out to get food from there. The only reason I don't order from the internet is because I push myself to go outside the house, even though it makes me uncomfortable, because I know otherwise I could easily become entirely housebound. I go to my therapist office which is a five min drive away. And I go to work for about 5 hours in a week, to my own little room and stay there without venturing outside there.

You said you don't like opening the door to check the mail, I hate that too. I usually check for mail at night when there is no-one to see me going out the door. I don't like opening the door to go outside onto the balcony to hang my washing either, so I usually dry it inside. I also don't like opening the windows either really. It's stressful.

Alis-Aquilae wrote:I've come to the point that just the sound of other humans (walking in the apartment above me and such) makes me scared, angry, and want to make all other humans be no where in sound distance of me.

I feel like this too. I sometimes here the noise of the people below me closing their doors loudly. It stresses me out. I don't like the sound of cars idling in the street either. Usually when there is other sound around from people, I can't get anything done because I'm so stressed out about it. I just have to stop and listen to the sound until the people stop making the sound.

So yeah, I can really relate. I have improved a little bit since I have started doing therapy 2 years ago because I don't see people as quite as much of a threat as I used to. I even managed to go for a short walk by a quiet creek today. I have found taking benzos helps me a lot too when I have to go food shopping.

Are you seeing a therapist about this problem? Or doing anything else to help at the moment?

Salted Lipstick,

It sounds like you know what I'm talking about. It is such a lonely sort of existence.

You are brave in that you get out when you do.

I do see a christian counselor or minister ATM. That is when I am able to get out to go. I was supposed to see someone from there today but could not get myself out in order to do it.

I'm not on any benzos to help with this; however she has been giving me a sort of anti nausea medicine for anxiety. Not exactly sure how much it helps.

I feel like such a nasty person for wanting all of the other humans to just sort of go away. I feel like I have no right to say that they can't live their life with walking around above me, no matter how hard they seem to walk.

Things have sort of spiraled out of control for me.

Thank you Salted Lipstick for reading my post and responding to it.

It's good to hear that you at least have access to a christian counsellor or minister... Is there a way you can get anyone else involved to help you? It sounds a bit like you might need some more support so that it doesn't keep spiralling for you... Maybe something like calling a one of those locum GPs that do house calls? They might be able to talk to you about meds to help stem some of your anxiety?

You are not a nasty person for wanting the other people to go away. It is only natural to want the source of our anxiety to vanish. That doesn't make you a bad person, that makes you normal. The thing that I have learnt in therapy (which makes sense in my head and helps me deal with this particular thought) is that other people are generally making us anxious due to some past experience in our lives, we are expecting people now to behave in the same way as people from our past behaved, and for me at least, those past people were abusive. So naturally I want people to go away because I don't want to have to be in those sorts of situations with abusive people. Thing is, our unconscious doesn't actually know until it is retrained by having had lots of interactions with nice people, that the world is actually full of nice, safe people in general. Because of our past it doesn't feel like the people are going to be safe, so it's natural to want the people to go away. I've found that as I've gradually gotten to know people like my therapist, who are actually safe to be around, gradually I can work harder at pushing myself to go outside the house more. So that is partly why I'm thinking perhaps you would find it beneficial to have some more supportive and safe people helping you through this...

Do you have anything in your past that you can think of that might have lead to the anxiety you feel now? Unsafe people? Or panick attacks while being outside or something?

Salted Lipstick,

I do have people in my past who have not been very safe or very nice I guess. That may have something to do with why I have the anxiety that I do. I was also in a marriage that was quite restrictive and not very nice. My religious background was also quite rigid, which allowed for my husband to be as he was because he was the spiritual head of the household and such.

I'm hoping that my counselor will be able to get me referrals into some programs or situations where I am forced to be around other people. There is a supportive housing program where someone comes and checks on you. I have to be referred first, but also have to have a case manager first too. I'm hoping to get a case manager as soon as my counselor finishes the application.

Keep your fingers crossed for me. I will be thinking about you too. I hope you keep making really good progress like you have been. Someone to sort of look to and say that it can be done I guess.

I'm sorry to hear that you have been around people who have been not very safe and not very nice also...

I think it sounds good that you are looking into programs which might help your situation. It really does help to have some extra support I think. Let me know how you go with things. I'll be interested to hear how it works out for you... Will definitely be keeping my fingers crossed for you.