Just wanting to run

I have a habit of starting 12 step groups and sticking to them for awhile, but then quit going out of sheer panic and fear of judgement. AS soon as I start sharing (this is with a women only share group) about my sexual addiction I panic and RUN. I could have easily posted in the sex addiction forum, but this applies to my agoraphobia on a huge level. I have lost two jobs, most of my friendships, and even my relationships with my husband and children is suffering because of the agoraphobia. This particular group I go to could be a real catalyst in change for me. A way to help in building a sense of peace.. I have seen people do it and accomplish it.. but I am TERRIFIED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hi, spirit1! Are you talking to a counselor in private too? Maybe they could help ease your mind or give you advice about what to do when you feel it might get overwhelming.
Do you like the women there? Do you judge them? I'm sure they wouldn't think you're a bad person or that you should be ashamed, they're in the same situation.

HI, Spirit1.

I am a guy. Just wanted to let you know. I'm just going to tell you some stuff I know...since I have sever anxiety.

Addiction, sexual addiction is not uncommon in both men and women when you have an anxiety disorder. Masterbation is not uncommon at all.

This type of addiction releases chemicals in the brain that make you feel good. When you anxious, these chemicals give relief to anxiety. So, sexual addiction acts like a medication for your anxiety. That's why it is addictive.

In twelve-step programs, each person should have there say without anyone saying anything. No cross talk. It's modeled after AA, but there is many EA, (Emotions Anonymous) programs that follow the same pattern. You don't have to say anything.

When I went to AA, I didn't say a word for a long time. Or when I did say anything, I skipped certain stuff. I was trying to get a feel for the group. I believed the group would be "sympathetic" to an issue that I found sensative, then, I would say something. Truthfully, in a EA program, I think the people would be forgiving and symapthetic toward your candid and personal response. They usually are. But, the most important aspect is you. This is a good area, this site to post these things. The site has a broud base and everyone generally accepts all types of things.

Hope everything goes all right?

I really want to thank both of you for responding.. it hasn't been easy to sit through my fear, but I have been going to meetings quite regularly now. I am actually going to attempt my fourth step pretty soon. Jasmin, as far as having a personal counselor I don't have, but I really could need one. When it comes to the other women in my group, I think I judge in fear of being judged.. so I don't give them a chance. And then, when I have had bad experiences I don't give them the grace for being human. I just get sucked into my fear again and hide.. playing the victim. I am so sick of that I can't tell you. It's time to learn new things.

And to entangled, I appreciate your understanding on sex addiction... It is so nice to talk to people with a very logical, scientific view. I questioned my moral character for such a long time. And I wondered why I would lose control so much regarding this issue. It's the same as having the compulsion for any kind of drug or whatever gets a person "high". I totally get it. A small part of the anxiety of leaving the house is that I will get sucked into a sexual relationship I don't think I would have the strength to get out of. Anyway, that's another issue altogether.

How about writing down what you're scared they will judge you for (in detail if you like) and then pretending it's someone else's story? Then you could write about how you don't judge this woman, how you hope she will find what she needs and get better. And then write down that they won't judge you either. You could keep some kind of journal. Yah, look for a therapist if you can, good luck with it!