Please Help =o/

Hello everyone! I just stumbled across this site and for the first time in a few years it seems like there are people who actually know what I'm dealing with!

So I have some issues and need to fix them, i've been fighting with them for years now and I'd like to get some advice from people who actually know what I'm talking about lol.

About five years ago at the age of twenty I had some sort of palpitation at my sales job and passed out infont of like 50 co-workers, friends and customers, up until this point I was a totaly normal and social guy. Ended up being taken to the ER and so began the past five years of hell!

The ER Doctors just told me it was probably just a panic attack and not to worry about it. Over the coarse of the next year I would get these strange rushes where I would occasionally have these weird day terror things where it wouldnt matter where I was or what I was doing, i'd have this feeling come over me and my mind would race out of my control and id get chills and a feeling of terror but when it ended I would never be able to remember anything I was thinking while it was happening. (sounds odd I know but it's the best way I can explain it).. anyway... I went to my doctor, had an EKG and wore a holter monitor for a week and nothing happened that week so the readings were normal and they sent me on my way. Well shortly there after I started having panic attacks again, sometimes at home, sometimes at work and sometimes driving, and had pretty bad social anxiety, didn't like to leave my house. Went to a doctor who reffered me to a psyciatrist who told me I was Stressed, Depressed and ADHD and put me on Prozac, Valium and Ritalin (This is at age 23). It worked really well for awhile, I got a job in sales again of all things and applied and got accepted to University (never would have been able to handle that before)- Went for a semester fulltime and got a 3.6GPA.

During the break my mom got really sick (had lung cancer) so I decided to get off the meds and move home to take care of her. Withdrawl took 6 months-ish and was back to my original phobic self BUT since I was taking care of her I never needed to leave my house anyway so it worked out, plus I knew id have a clear head for when it got really bad, and it did. For a year I took care of her and didn't leave the house more than five times tops all year. I got better to a point where I could be ok around family but that was the extend of my improvment. She died in our living room about 4 months ago and now I'm taking care of my father whose losing his mind over it all and stressing me out, I still can't leave the house even to get the mail, well atleast I really really realllly don't want to. I had a panic attack a few weeks ago for no reason and it was terrifying, I had chest pain and blacked out twice. It took me a few weeks to talk myself into going to the doctor and it was terrible, I just wanted to run out of there.. They put me on Celexa and told me it was for depression and anxiety but it didn't really help much with the motivation and none at all with the anxiety, so I went back and my BP was 190/90 or something and they put me on buspirone and drew blood for a thyroid test, I was supposed to call two weeks ago for the results but I can't get myself to do it because I know they will just tell me to come back and that will stress me out even more.

When I tell them I havn't left the house in almost two years it's like they think I'm being sarcastic and they just don't understand how hard it is for me to bring myself to drive up there and I hate it, I thought I was going to have a heart attack the last time I went in and I was the only patient there. I don't know how to communicate to them how bad my situation is and that I don't think I can keep going back over and over unless I get some sort of relief. I would preffer not to take addictive drugs like Benzoids but they have been the only thing that has seemed to fix me 100%, I just don't want to have to rely on a drug to keep my life moving, especially one that if I miss a dose for two days I can't leave my room.

Please give me some advise, how did you handle your phobia? I know my fears are irrational and I used to be a really popular guy with lots of friends and nice things and now I can't even go get a haircut, which I desperatly need and would preffer not to keep having to have my sister come do it!

Hi, Rooster, sorry about the late reply! How about printing this post and showing it to them and to a family member, friend or kind neighbor who might help? You could ask someone to go to the doctor with you, it might help with the anxiety.
I know somebody who took benzos and is slowly going off them, it might work.

Thanks for the reply, I think it's important to update you incase someone is experiencing the same or similiar thing...

I am better now, will explain more in a minute, and here is exactly how I got better in choronological order:

1. Remembering how I used to be, it got to the point where I wanted it back so badly and KNEW there was SOME doctor out there who cared and would help. I had to hit the point where I was either going to get fixed or die basically.
2. I went to my family doc, made a list of my issues and etc (to show them how serious it was). I got a bad doctor who I'm pretty sure thought I was exaggerating when I said I hadnt left my house in nearly 2 years. He also would not read my paper and just asked irrelevant basic questions instead. He wrote me a prescript for low dose Celexa and told me it was for anxiety and give it a months or two to work. *Which I know is incorrect, it's for depression and only minor depression at that* nut I took it any way, and it actually helped with my determination! I was so surprised cause I thought I was wasting me time but it helped with my depression A LITTLE but just enuff to make me even more motivated to get fixed!

2.) He also gave me 10 ambien for the insomnia, didnt work too well and made me feel like stoned or hallucinating lol, So I took them for 10 days n stopped when I ran out.

3.) Went back, this time they actually took my BP- (different doc) it was 197/115 ish, and I was shaking cuz I was uncomfortable there, new doc this time, listened a little better but still was disinterested. I made a point to tell her I wasn't exagerating. She prescribed Buspar 7.5mg twice a day n told me to check my BP at home twice a day and if its ever over 180/90ish to come in asap. I took her advice but never checked BP, seemed to help a small bit. I could sometimes walk out in my back yard when Id take my dog out, but still not able to go outfront or nething.

4.) Had been grinding teeth so bad at night i chipped one n they often were bleeding when id get up in the am. Decided to go back to the doc and demand they stop making me suffer for months at a time while meds kick in that may or may not even help. Well I was more polite but when she started blowing it off like "give it more time" I got angry n asked why no one, even doctors would help me, n so she gave me a psyc referal.

5.) took my psyc refferal to Doctor Darvin M. Hege, the AMA reccomended phyc in my state who had a lottttt of qualifications and hundreds of positive patient reviews. It was expensive cuz he wasnt on my insurance list but he listened to me, everything I had to say, even spoke back and offered comfort. He prescribed me alprazolam 1MG 1/2 to 1 tablet by mouth 2x daily as needed for anxiety and 1MG alprazolam ER to take before bed, also doubled my celexa and buspar, and reccomended I see a therapist who will listen to me and even offer Cognitive Behavorial Therapy if I wanted it.

6.) While I still have some anxiety and some issues, I am able to go anywhere even clubs and dance, I sleep really well and won back many of my friends who I hang out with often. I am looking for a job aswell and have been on dates and gotten girls numbers at bars. This in the span of 1 month since my first visit with Dr. Hege. I owe him my life, and I really hope you guys get that relentless determination to find help too! Life isnt great outside, but its good, and I am happy with that =o) Thanks to those who replied, please use this as a testimonial or guide if you can. Worked wonders for me, hope it does for you. Love you all!

Hi, Rooster! It's awesome that you're doing better, thank you for making that post!