Hi! New to this section and have a question about spouses!

I was diagnosed with agoraphobia close to 2 years ago now. I see my dr. regularly, on medication that seems to be helping, seeing a psychiatrist, hypno and relaxation therapist, and do alot of CBT.

In 2 years I have gotten alot better. It started with small trips to the mailbox and back, end of the street and back, etc.

I am living well with my condition and I accept the hurdles I have to jump in life. However my current problem is my husband. He has been by my side and a great support through all this however when we go out to the local shops which already take great courage from me, he become overprotective to the point he draws more attention to us and thereby causing me to start panicking. I try to tell him to relax, let me do things, let me take the lead, but this never happens.

We were at one of those self check out lanes in a store yesterday (I love those lanes cause I do not have to interact with anyone) and there was this woman's child hitting me hard with a coat hanger. I kept lightly pushing the kid away but he would keep doing it. So I asked the boy to stop. At this point my husband lost it and started screaming at the woman to control her child. They ended up in this huge fight RIGHT in the middle of the shop. Security came, everyone was watching, etc. I freaked and that was about all I remember.

I ask my husband over and over not to make scenes, do not call attention to us, but then he seems all offended and gets upset with me, which continues this downward spiral, that ends with me ending up in my bedroom for 2 days to overcome the whole ordeal.

How do you help spouses, family, friends to understand that this is actually counter-productive? Any advice I can give him without hurting him?

Thanks!

Have you asked your psychiatrist on methods? The best I can think of would be to make a comment that isn't directed at him, so that he won't get defensive. Maybe "thanks for going out with me, she should have been watching her child, maybe she was tired or blanking out and just needed to be asked."
Something like that anyways, for whichever situation. There is no "you" in that. Maybe you are already doing this though, because you use "I" to let him know he doesn't need to worry.

Maybe a print out of counter-measures and self-help reminders, not directed at him but for personal use. He might feel it is for him though, so maybe check with your psychologist. Of course, he is interested in it too, so he might not mind it. Maybe wait till he settles his defensiveness.