Want to go to college and succeed, but I'm scared?

Hi... Um, so I'm new to this, but I really want some thoughts from others who may have similar issues.

To start, I have a loving husband at home so I feel like I should be alright with moving forward. I stay at home and talk to basically no one unless he's with me. If he goes, I go. If he stays, I stay. I'm terrified of being alone, or of being with people that I don't know. I can't even go to the grocery by myself these days. It's hindering.

Now, I've gotten bolder. I want to go to college so I can help him with a degree or even a job in general, but I'm so terrified of moving away from him to live in a dorm since I can't find anything that offers an online degree for what I want to do. I can't bring myself to leave him. What happens if my anxiety spikes and I'm hospitalized again? What if I need him or he needs me? Or how can I trust anyone around me? I can't think clearly or function when I'm alone. I'm scared to leave, but I'm also scared and tired of sitting here, doing nothing day in and day out, while he goes out and works hard to take care of us... It's not fair and I know that, but what can I do? I feel alone and helpless, most of my family and friends are gone, and I'm too anxious and worried to look for someone else.

Any help is appreciated, whether it's suggestions or personal stories. Thanks...

Hello MonaAnn and welcome to the forum!

I can hear your worries and frustrations about both changing and going places or staying the same and in your current way of being.

The thing I was struck by as I read your post was that you have this massive goal to go to college but you are struggling with smaller things like going to the grocery store. It is good to have big goals because they give you an opportunity to think big about what you would ultimately like to do, but also they can give a lot of anxiety because you don't know if you can achieve this or not. I wondered if perhaps you could consider tackling some smaller goals before thinking about college? For example, if you are finding it hard to do much alone, if you could find a smaller goal, like going grocery shopping, that would still be very helpful to your family and good for your wellbeing if you could achieve this. Getting comfortable with smaller goals can help give you confidence to work towards bigger goals. Try to think what the smallest thing is that you could do to push yourself and then think about how to best achieve that. For instance, some days I struggle to get to the letterbox (letterboxes are outdoors in this country) and so it is an achievement for me, so I try to go outside and check my letterbox while there are other people in the street (that's what makes it hard for me, there being people in the street). I have been trying to do this regularly so that I get used to going outside while there are people in my street. Maybe there is something small that you could try to do also?

Perhaps if you get more comfortable at going out, you could consider a therapist also?