this is very small compared to what thousands of other people go through

but im very scared to go to the dentist im not even sure if that was an anxiety attack or not
when i was small i had a root canal and i cried a lot during that time and my dentist has never given me numbing gel or medicine
after that i only had small annual checkups nothing wrong but that year, i had very tiny cavities that could be filled and prevented from further tooth decay
but i dont know what came over me!
the moment she had the drill in her hand i started crying and my heart beat increased and i felt i was going to faint from all that was going on, the noise of the machine, the smell at the dentist, my mother not even glancing at me, the high pitch voice in which my dentist was talking to me in
i had a thought that id rather die and than be here and even bit her finger at a point
i told her to let me calm down it was too much i felt i was going to faint somehow my head was hurting my i started sweating and twitched whenever she tried to put the drill in my mouth
after this i refused to visit the dentist for another 2 or 3 years
here i am now, posting this because last night when i checked my teeth, at the back i saw my tooth was starting to decay, there is a black line in between my tooth and grey areas around the line
when i saw that i broke down and started crying, felt dizzy and felt like i did not have any energy
i know this sounds very immature but yes, i cried and now i have a slight fever
i was also very angry at myself for letting it happen and threw my phone at the wall
i really dont know what to, i know that it needs to be treated before another root canal but im very scared and the thought of it is making me cry everytime