feeling like i am out of options

I have Agoraphobia and depression for years now. Let me start from the beginning in school i was very shy i was the kid that never talked to anyone always had my head down walking to class never asked for help so what did the school do they put me in special ed classes where i had 2 or 3 people in my class i missed so much school they were going to fail me in high school so my dad signed me out felt like the stress was gone so i got a job and things were not so good at 17 i was working at McDonald's worked there for 2 and a half years the first year and a half i never really talk to anyone when it was my time to take a break i would stand outside the break room so i wouldn't have to talk to anyone so i got a job at lowes night shift stalking it was good never had to be around people only at the start of the night but i ended up being a joke in other people eyes i was 20 never been on a date or anything so i ended up being the big loser to them so i was lucky to get a job with family night shift same there never had to talk to anyone but after that job was contract out they moved me to 2nd shift and i had to quit going from 15 people to 70+ people i could handle it so after that so life pretty much stopped for me i never left the house i went 5 years never leaving the house if people came to the house i stayed in my room so mom and dad talked me into getting help so i did and now i only leave the house when i go to the doctor my mom and dad are my life line but recently i lost my dad and now it just my mom and i but i put stress on her i never no how my mood is day to day its like i can't control myself from being a jerk to her let me sum this up real fast

in school from start to 11th grade never had a friend never talked to many people
same goes for my jobs no friends
after quitting my job 5+ years never leaving the house and i do say never not even going outside of the house because my anxiety and now add 3 more years on to that only time i leave is to go to the doctor it was so hard to even go to my dad funeral
i been on all the meds they can give me they even said that they have no more meds to try to help my depression and Agoraphobia also one of the meds made me gain 60+lbs before they took me off o f it so to sum it up i am a 32 year old loser with no GED or friends never had a date and i am over weight no one would want to even look my way and im a bum living with my mom only reason i have not killed myself because i don't want to fail i don't want to be more of a pain to my mom that i already am options left cognitive thinking they said meds don't work for everyone

Hi. Don't know if you'll see this, but eh, it's worth the effort.

Sorry about your loss, firstly. I wish the best for you and your mom.

Secondly, I was like you in school but I didn't get put into any special ed. classes only because every time they gave me tests they saw I out-performed all the rest of their students. But I wouldn't talk. I didn't want to make friends with people and they thought I was had autism or something so they tried giving me therapy in school. Still wouldn't talk to the therapist so they said I graduated the program and put me back in classes lol. They really don't know how to understand children. Which means they probably shouldn't be working with them.

At any rate, I'm too scared to even work so congrats on making it through all the years working like you did. You should be proud that you did as much as you did, you really should. And you should know that you can do it again, even if it doesn't seem like it. I'm in my room unless I have to go to class or my boyfriend wants to go somewhere. I only leave the house twice every two weeks or so--he's busy with work so at least he doesn't get annoyed with the fact that I hate being outside with a passion. It's uncomfortable. People stare, even if they aren't I feel they are, and it doesn't feel safe and I just hate it.

You're never out of options. Even when you're in the deepest hole there's always something you can do. I'm seeing a humanistic psychologist right now. Medication is nice but it's not going to get rid of the avoidance behavior conditioned into your actions. That you have to do on your own, which means doing what you have to with whatever resources you can find--therapy, support groups, whatever it may be. And it means doing literally everything you hate. You can get your G.E.D. You can work. You can even help your mom in ways that you haven't been able to yet. It just takes a lot of time and a lot of effort. It took you years to get where you are today and it's going to take years to get where you want to be.

But that's okay.

Have you tried therapy for an extended amount of time? If not, I think it would be beneficial for you. , to help restructure the way you see things. Good luck.