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i know there are people with worse promblems than me but hear me out. my best friend and also my soon to be husband went away to college and i just feel so lonely and by my self with out him! he's been gone sence august and i talk to him every night on the phone and see him threw web cam im having trouble adjusting to the fact that he's away and will be for a while. and i just keep thinking about how lonely i am and want to kill my self! i just want him back so badly i wanna just die because he's not around and i keep thinking he's never coming back and i keep having panic attacks and freak outs! he tells me he'll be back soon but i just can't phathom the fact that he's away and im freaking out constatly and saying crazy $#%^ out of my mouth like i wanna die and im thinking about killing my self! even tho he's coming back i just can't live with out him! what the heck should i do!? im going nuts with out him!!!!!!! help me before i destory my self!

Wow Bonnie-

You need to take a look at what you are saying. He's going to come back, don't lose your head. My husband has been in Iraq for more than a year now and I am home with our 2 children without him every day, and sometimes he can't call for weeks at a time. You say that you know hes coming back, but theres a real chance that my husband won't be. So slow down on the killing yourself talk because it's just a little silly.

bonnie,

i think weve all been in similar situations. & i think its good that you addressed the fact that there most certainly are people in much worse situations right now. however, i do know that when enveloped in your own personal pain & turmoil, its very hard to think of anything else. so i understand how youre feeling, i do. i know its difficult, near impossible even, but you have to think of the positives, & im sure there are many. your boyfriend is alive & well, hes safe, he might very well be happy, hes getting an education, you contact each other every day, & of course he will come back. college isnt a blackhole. just think of the love you have for each other. i know it hurts, it kills to not be able to feel him hold you or feel his breath or heartbeat, but is his absence worth killing yourself over? think of what he would feel/do if you took your own life. ive been suicidal myself, many times, but you must admit, it is a very selfish thing.

i hope that helped a little.

-corri

Bonnie,

Whatever the cause, if you are seriously considering taking your own life, you need to call a health professional immediately! There are crises numbers in just about every community in the country. If you are an immediate danger to yourself, you need to call 911 right away. I'm not a therapist or a psychiatrist, so I'm not going to go into the reasons you might be feeling this way, but nothing is worth your life. There are people that can help.

Frankly, I'm a little suprised that other replys to your message did not impart this information. I wish you the best!

I'm scared, I have had many problems with my self image in the past. Everytime my life hits bottom, My preception of life completely changes, whats wrong with me. I have had an eating disorder and even though I have grown and recovered from it, it never goes away. I always think about food, i try and keep my mind off of it. But i can't even stand looking at myself anymore, and i am depressed, i lost my job and know i hide in my room from the world and i am terribly depressed. I can't get out of my head and i feel like i am going down hill. I just would like to lead a normal life, rather than worrying about my weight and apearance and what other people think of me? I don't know what to do and i can't talk to anybody cause no one understands and they panic because i caused so much agervasion in my family from this disorder. Im tired

Dear Bonnie,
I've just read your distressing message. Let me tell you that your boyfriend isn't worth your life. People are seperated each day, and we live until we are back together. You need to get a grip on your self-worth. I can understand your feelings, for I've felt exactly the same way when my husband went away, and the real chill is, he never came back to me after so many empty promises. Yes, there are people just like you, who feels or have felt the same way. You're a precious and worthy woman, and you life is meaniful whether he comes backs or not. Take a good look at your self, and seek out the good and positive things that are inside of you. God has made you and there's no one else exactly like you. To God you are a very special person, and has a lot to offer to this world. Killing yourself is a coward's way of handling your situation. Did you stop to think, that God just might not let you die, even if you do attempt to take your own life. If you need to talk one on one, contact me via e-mail @bossladyofkc@yahoo.com or you can phone me at 704-218-3201 poetic63. Try living this day, and see what the outcome will be, live one day at a time until he comes back to you. Just think how you'd destroy him if you took your own life. He's away trying to make his life better probably for the both of you. Don't destroy yourself.

No name, just venting wrote:I'm scared, I have had many problems with my self image in the past. Everytime my life hits bottom, My preception of life completely changes, whats wrong with me. I have had an eating disorder and even though I have grown and recovered from it, it never goes away. I always think about food, i try and keep my mind off of it. But i can't even stand looking at myself anymore, and i am depressed, i lost my job and know i hide in my room from the world and i am terribly depressed. I can't get out of my head and i feel like i am going down hill. I just would like to lead a normal life, rather than worrying about my weight and apearance and what other people think of me? I don't know what to do and i can't talk to anybody cause no one understands and they panic because i caused so much agervasion in my family from this disorder. Im tired

Hi venting,
I don't mean to sound clinical and detached, but it sounds like you might have body dysmorphic disorder—something I know a little bit about from experience. Extreme concern over appearance is probably a form of obsessive compulsive disorder. No, I'm not a doctor, but I used to stare at flaws in my skin—little breakouts, visible pores, rashes, what ever—for hours, almost punishing myself for something that literally wasn't my fault. I was understandably embarrassed by this "secret behavior," and thought I was the "nut job" to beat all nut jobs. Then, a kind-hearted shrink did some research for me and found out about BDD, then a relative obscure syndrome. BDD people will obsess about any flaw you can think of: their hair line, if one ear is lower then the other or if their smile is crooked. Experts believe a glitch in brain wiring is to blame! It's sort of this off kilter stress response. There are a few books on the subject. In my case, cognitive therapy and an SSRI did wonders. That's not to say I don't have my bad days, but I can look people in the eye and not be obsessed. P.S.-I also did something about my skin, since there were objective problems I could fix. My mantra now is, I look as good as I can, I'll never be a model. Oh well. Life is too short. It's not worth chronic dispair. If you haven't been helped already, think about finding a therapist that specializes in this. It's more known now. Good luck. L

Dear Bonnie,

Firstly you do not need to justify your emotions related to your feelings about your partner's absence. People's feelings are important no matter what causes them. Secondly you have done a brave thing to discuss your feelings and it sounds like the distress you are feeling is very real. It is not anyone's place to belittle your issue. There is no hierachy of "problems". The severity of an issue is related to the distress that a person feels not the cause of that distress.

As your post implies you are confused as to why you are experiencing such powerful and scary emotions in realtion to your partner's absence and you feel unsure how to manage these emotions. There are many ways to explore the reasons behind your feelings and ways in which you can deal with these emotions. I would encourage you seek help with a health care professional who is trained to deal with anxiety, and sucididal thoughts.

The very best of luck!

I am 10 and a half, April 7th I'll be 11, yea, I suffer from depersonalion, where at some points of time i feel as if i am not there, or whats happening is just a dream, though i do find it amusing at some points, see i am in 5th grade, male teacher, mr. howell, and once he was yelling at me, and i sorta zoned out, and i find that sorta neat that i didn't have to listen to him, but now it makes me scared. *