I need friends

I don't understand what is wrong with me. I have a major problem with making friends and I have never understood why people enjoy being so mean to me and how I hurt them so much without even knowing it. I am so sad and scared and when I talk to them about it they just yell back at me and my friends have even abandoned me. I have always worn my heart on my sholder ever since I was a child and I have lost so many friends I have cared about and tried hard for. I thought it would just be a phase and go away when I grew up, but I am old enough now to where this shouldn't be happening. I am afraid of being judged. I start to believe I'm a bad person (despite my efforts to be a good person) and nobody likes me so I do crazy things in hopes of being loved or finding attention. I am so scared of other peoples opinions that I try to go above it but just end up looking either stupid or prude. I am hurting so bad and am really depressed and I'm scared to loose my boyfriend because of this as well. I travel a lot thinking that I can run away and find people who like me, but I just put in a bad name everywhere I go. I feel myself just shutting out the world and playing these roles to hide myself. I just wish I could run away from everyone to stop hurting others and being hurt. Can you help me?

omg, your life is identical to mine... so identical its scary

You have just made me one of the happiest people....Just to know that I am not alone...I have had the same problem..since as far back as i can possibly remember...I POUR my heart out to my friends and serve it up on a plate and it just gets thrown back into my face.. And my boyfriend of two and a half years is now tired of dealing with all the stress that I carry on my shoulders that he has dumped me after all we went through and wont even talk to me...He doesnt even care anymore when my father beats me or the fact that I just disslocated my knee for the like 10th time...hes so sick of the fact that I have alot on my plate that he doesnt even care anymore..

I hope it helps you to know that you are not alone also...and I hope that everything with you is going better than with me..because no one...NO ONE...deserves this heart ache..

I've felt low like you have...but one thing u have to do is be yourself. Don't try to do things to please others...ppl will like you more if you're just you. And I'm sure you're not a bad person.