I have been planning suicide for a long time. when will it

I have been planning suicide for a long time. I am 37. I am maried. I have 3 kids from previous relationships ages 12,17, and 20. They choose not to live with me. I am a trusted role model and official in my work. I tried to kill myself about 2-3 other times. I am very over weight. I have high anxiety. My son sexually abused my daughter for several years and I din't know. He went to jail and is out now. My extended family parents sister brothers really don't seem to want anything to do w/ me. My siblings don't respnd to emails, phone calls and letters.My parents talk to me but they have decided to build a second vacation house near my other siblings and far away from me.
I want to die, I think of it a lot. Sometimes I am really sad and sometimes I am regular and sometimes I am fine. I like flowers and nature. I still want to die.

mermaid111222

I believe that the human soul exists through energy. If you know anything about science you would know energy can never be destoyed. It can be transfered but never destoyed. I'm not a religious person but have an inate feeling that this life is only a stepping stone.

Don't take your life, please!! Let's say you believe in God. The devil, hell and heaven. If there is just the smallest chance by taking your life you infact create a worser one, would you take that chance?

People create judements left and right. Maybe theres a God, maybe there's a heaven. Maybe there's no such thing as the devil, but maybe hell does exist for some. Don't take a chance on the unknown.

Some say suicide is for the weak. I can see you are not a weak person. You have indured a great deal of pain and I'm sorry for that. But think of the many who would trade shoes with you in a heartbeat. People who have no homes who sleep in cold dirt. People who kill to feed their families. Parents who bury there children, crack born babies. It's all around us. You are not the only one!

Suicide is selfish. Im sure you love your children very much. However, just as you are having a hard time with life, so are they. Do you want to add to their suffering even more? Especially at such a young age? Whether you no it or they don't. Children need their parents.

Life for most of us is hellish! But we have to keep on keeping on. Why? Because we have no other choice. Remember the saying: what doesn't kill us makes us stronger. Your probably saying, "How strong do I have to be?" As strong as you have to!

You sound lonely and hurt by your parents and siblings abandoning you. Who wouldn't. We want what we think we should have. We wan't what we see our friends have and what we see on TV, unconditional love. However, life doesn't always grant us that and you know that for a fact. Try not to let them hinder you. If they don't want to be around you, fine; there loss! Family doesn't always = Love.

I think your situation is one that can deffinately imrpove with time. You have to have some form of hope. You just have to try and see the light at the end of the tunnel. First, your extended family. Try not to put so much emphasis on them. You can't change them you can only change and improve on yourself. Concentrate on you not them. You main concern is trying to be there for your children, if not physically, spiritually and emotionally. Make attempts to call them. Even if they don't want to speak to you let them know you are hear for them. That is the best way to there hearts. If they know your there, that creates security.

Weight issues are problems for us all believe me. In America 4 out of 5 women will say they are disssatified with there weight. The average woman is 5'4" tall and weighs 140 pounds. The average American model is 5'11" tall and weighs 117 pounds. Our society is nothing but a fasad. It's falsified and we're all suppose to conform to it. Try and feel confortable in your own skin.

You like flowers and nature. You know exactly what makes you feel better and retreats you back into some peice of mind. You might benefit from long walk in the park. Try to incorporate exercise with mental harmony that can promote a healthier way of life.

I wish nothing but the best for you. Stay stong...