the story of my life

im not sure why im tellin people this...because nobody can ever really understand somebody elses pain. i guess i just need to talk....my step dad raped my sister when she was 11...shes now 13...she told me a year ago and i told my mum....it broke her heart but i couldnt lay there at night knowin what was happenening to my sister. my whole life ended that day. who i was...who i was gonna be...it just changed. my sister is so sad...i couldnt even begin to describe it. i lost all my friends, i used to have 6 BESTFRIENDS, and not many ppl are fortunate enough fer that. but i just stopped asnwerin thir calls, hanging out with them, talkin to them...i just stopped. i wanted to die so much.....the only thing stoppin me was knowin that i couldnt hurt my mum and sis again like that. (my sisters names is danica...aka nica btw). now i cut all the the time, i am a pothead now ( NEVER wood of touched the stuff before) i smoke (eww.....me smoke? NEVER) and my dad stopped talkin to me the day he found out about mystepdad. i was hanging out with this guy alot (jorden) before everything happened....and he was the one person that i wood talk to.....i loved him so much....i still do.....but my self confidence is super low...and one night i was drunk and some guy hit on me and i was like...hey somebody likes me...and then when he kissed me i didnt stop him....and then i told my bf becuz i couldnt lie to him...and it broke his heart....he stayed with me...but i feel so bad and i hate knowin that i broke sumbodys elses heart like my stepdad broke mine and my mums and my sisters. welll i guess thats it i just really wanted to cut...but i was afraid to becasue i really wanted to die and i ddint wanna hurt myself and hurt my family. well i feel a little bit better now.....thanks fer listening. dont worry about answerin i just wanted sumbody 2 listen.