Overwhelming sleepiness during sexual arousal?

Hey. I've noticed that I tend to become very sleepy when I feel sexually aroused. This doesn't happen with masturbation, only when another person is involved. I will be so tired I'll have to concentrate very hard to keep my eyes open, to think clearly, form sentences and not to slur. My body will feel pretty weak/limp too. Sometimes I'll feel silly and giggly. It pretty much feels like when my sleeping pills kick in, except without any meds. I can sometimes get this as well when someone strokes my hands, head/temples or feet. Has anyone experienced this before or has any idea what it may be caused by, or what to do about it?

I also have borderline personality disorder, an autism spectrum condition and have been sexually abused as a child, so I'm wondering if it may be a linked to either dysregulation, hypersensitivity or different processing of emotions and stimuli/ sensory input (BPD, ASC) or some type of dissociation or mental protection related to the sexual abuse.

I'd be thankful for any replies and input.

Commenting so I can follow this thread. I think it's fascinating, but I have no speculation.

Do you, in fact, feel at ease and relaxed? In a way, I could see that as a turn on. Ofc, no guy likes the idea of a girl falling asleep on him.... we have delicate egos, sometimes.

-- Fri Jun 19, 2015 2:30 pm --

given your past, is it just me, or does it seem as if it's some sort of defense mechanism? To get thru the act easier? Since a child has little say over being abused.

Hey Snaga!

Ha, yeah, that's what I'm worried about, actually - hurting the other person's feelings, making them feel rejected/unloved/undesirable. It's not a concern atm, as my sex life is pretty much non-existant, but it's definitely on my mind as one of the things keeping me from changing that!

And yes, I've been thinking about it possibly being a defense mechanism, too. I'm not sure. I don't think I feel relaxed with sexual stuff, but I also get this sleepy when it's non-sexual touch which I'm ok with. I've noticed though that I can get very tired when feeling overwhelmed in general or when surpressing emotions so that may play into it. Sexual stuff is so stressful on so many different levels, even if it were someone I really liked. So much going on!

Yes, sex is stressful! I can never truly relax, even after being with the same person a long time. In fact, I almost think that makes it harder to relax.

To be blunt, I'm most comfortable giving oral. Nothing is expected of me beyond the obvious and I don't have to worry about whether I'm sufficiently aroused, if you get my meaning. I know girls have issues also but it's not easy having a penis, for uptight ppl like me

So far as your sex life goes, maybe you could spin it to a lover as you're just so relaxed when he/she is doing things... ? I mean they wouldn't have to know otherwise would they?

I think I understand what you mean. Being the one doing the pleasing gives you control and puts the focus on the other person at the same time. Then again, it gives me so much anxiety because I might do something wrong. Can't win lol, always afraid of doing the wrong thing or something unexpected happening to me.

I always thought having a penis could be potentially inconvenient. Technically, it should be possible for a partner to determine if a woman's really aroused or not, but it isn't as immediately obvious and it seems less people know about female anatomy, the focus tends to be on males and male stimulation, arousal etc. But yeah, you poor penis people. I imagine that'd be tough.

Lol I don't want the focus to be on me! Hey there a lot of us guys that really just don't like certain things. Like you say the focus being on male simulation. I feel too self conscious bring on the receiving end, especially oral- I can't enjoy it for more than a minute or two then I worry I'm not into it enough. Just feel so detached during sex. Unless I'm drunk. And ofc if I am too drunk guess what stops working right? I hate the focus bring on my penis, no.. too much pressure. Too stressful. I wish I weren't that way, it sucks.

What... What do you think you would do wrong, hun? What unexpected thing do you fear? If you feel comfortable saying. No insult taken on my part if you don't. I always worry I'm not doing something right. Not spending enough time. Spending too much time. Too rough. Too gentle. Always thinking she's just going along with it.

You mean stuff like that? Which I totally understand.

Of course. Guys are just ppl, too. Of course they don't like some things while being into others, and naturally this will depend on the guy!

I think I'm worried what the other person might think of me. What does how I act, what I do say about me? It's just very intimate and puts you in a very vulnerable position. I used to be monitored a lot growing up, my movements, facial expressions, tone of voice, and judged/ shamed for it so that's something I'm scared of - revealing something real (and particularly with love and sexuality also very intimate) of myself that could be rejected or used against me. Also: what if I suck at what I do, if they don't like/ enjoy it, if they are bored, just, as you say, go along with it. What if this will lead to them losing interest and disliking me or thinking badly of me? Then again, regardless of how much they may enjoy it - what if just the fact I engage makes them lose interest? So shouldn't I better not engage at all to prevent this from happening? They can't get tired of it or be disappointed if nothing happens in the first place. I have one hell of a fight, flight, freeze response to romance lol.

Thinking about it now, I think part of the reason I used to think I may be asexual could be that I try so hard to protect myself from being rejected that I effectively hide my preferences even from myself. I don't even think there's anything exceptional to them that'd need to be hidden away (although as long as it's between consenting adults, nothing really needs to be hidden away, really). But I feel like: I cannot be myself, I cannot let anyone see. And I cannot let myself see either, I guess. I used to be unable to think the name of guys I liked in my head, too, for example. I managed to refuse to admit to myself that I liked this one guy for well about a year. I still acted like it, I was devastated when he didn't respond immediately, I did not act this way around anyone else, everyone knew, but I only had that moment of "ohhhh, so I like him, that's it!" after he told me he liked me (and I actually didn't get it at first either). I think that really was the only way I could feel safe enough to allow myself to feel that way and admit to myself that I liked him and wanted to be with him and such. I'm thinking maybe that's how I feel about sexual stuff, too.

I think I understand, at least partly. I am not as bad as I used to be, but I had to come out of my shell. I finally got tired enough of not ' having a life' (that's how I thought of it) that I finally didn't care anymore about whether i was rejected or not. I wasn't scrutinized as you speak of, but as a kid I had a terrible complexion, a terrible self image, and on top of that was easily picked on in school because I had a thin skin and invited bullying. Including from girls, so I think that (and other things like a little sexual abuse from a pederast) had a profound effect on not just my uncertainty in the b/r with women, but also my sexual orientation. I overcame it to some extent, but when the new of a relationship wears off I find it worse, for some reason. Idk. Sometimes I don't think I know what's going on with me, kol

Sleepiness upon emotional arousal is a symptom of narcolepsy. It is not necessary that you fall asleep from it in order to have narcolepsy. A sleep study will clear this up. It is possible medications you are on may be interacting with arousal hormones or something to cause the sleepiness, although I haven't heard of this as a side-effect of medications.