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Pregnancy symptoms I can't ignore but all proof says no.

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Pregnancy symptoms I can't ignore but all proof says no.

Postby SymphonyOfSorrow » Mon Aug 08, 2016 1:28 am

WARNING...THIS CONTAINS SOME TMI.
Hi, I'm new to this forum...I chose it because it seemed like a less judgmental place and I wanted the chance to tell my story in hopes of getting some answers. Back in January I started performing at-home insemination in hopes of conceiving a child. I am asexual but my sole dream has always been to be a mother and due to the stigma surrounding my illnesses (Bipolar and Borderline Personality Disorder) I will never be able to adopt. A few days before my period was due I had a faint positive line. I stupidly called my mother in Australia, who has a terminal illness (melanoma) and told her the news. She was thrilled because she has always wanted a grandchild and already agreed to come and stay with me when the baby is born. I was overjoyed myself of course-but then my period arrived 2 days after it was supposed to. I had read about chemical pregnancies so I assumed this is what happened, but I didn't have the heart to tell my mother, so I decided I would try again the next cycle and hope for the best. It ended up being in March due to issues with my donor.

This time, I decided to wait for my period and not test. It was after this time that strange things started happening. For one thing, my period came on time but it was light pink/brown, only for a day and I had NO pain. Normally when I get my period I have tons of cramps and a bright red heavy flow. I've had this kind of bleeding every month since then, sometimes at the usual time, sometimes during other times. My mother herself always said she had monthly bleeding when pregnant with me. At first I didn't think anything of it and made plans for another insemination in June. I kept putting off telling my mother and avoiding her calls. I would speak to her for about 5 minutes and make some excuse about having to go.

Then in May even stranger things started happening. I started experiencing nausea and craving sweets. I'm normally a very small person , 4'10 and 80 lbs, but I noticed my stomach started to swell. Of course I freaked out and took another test, and of course it was negative. Fast forward 3 months later and I'm now the size of a 20 weeks pregnant woman (which I would be had I conceived in March). I have to wear baggy clothes so no one says anything. I'm eating nearly every hour, having heat flashes and the same bleeding that is so light I only notice it when I wipe myself. It's difficult for me to bend down. I'm constantly having cervical mucus when I used to dry up after ovulation. I did tell my psychiatrist about my periods being irregular and got her to do a blood test, but she never called me back so I assume it was negative.

Then I read about false pregnancy and it scared me but also don't think I meet the criteria. For one, I don't honestly BELIEVE I'm pregnant and I didn't start to consider it to be a possibility before my symptoms showed up. So I don't see how my mind could have created them beforehand when I was so sure I wasn't that I was already planning for another try. Also, the only person I've had to lie about it to is my mother, and that's a separate issue. So WHAT is in my stomach? It isn't a normal weight gain or bloat, it LOOKS like a pregnant belly with the piece sticking out below my navel and everything. I read that it could be a buildup of feces, urine, etc. so I gave myself an enema to try and flush it out. Nothing changed, I've stayed the same size and kept growing.

So, here's the issue. I'm afraid to go to a doctor that because of history of mental health issues I would be diagnosed with false pregnancy and it would go on my record. I fear that could be used against me if I ever actually do become pregnant or I would be doubted. Of course if I am pregnant I would want care for my baby but since all tests are negative I must not be. And that's the funny thing, I'm aware of the fact that I'm probably not pregnant yet my body won't listen. Any advice appreciated...
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Re: Pregnancy symptoms I can't ignore but all proof says no.

Postby Echinacea » Mon Aug 08, 2016 8:37 am

hI and welcome
The more information the better so never worry about TMI

When you say self insemination, how do you actually do this ?
could the method of you insemination caused some kind of injury to have caused the irregular bleeding ?

With my second son i took 4 tests all negative, by the time i found out i was pregnant i was 5 months (i knew in my heart i was, but every test came back negative.

Could you just ask your doctors opinion ..without actually going into details of what you have been doing (might not automatically think its a false pregnancy) they might test for other causes.

i understand you are Asexual and i dont know if your Dr knows that (or not) but you have to find out, if you keep growing there is definitely something happening so i wouldn't leave it much longer

Edit - Is there a family planning clinic in your area that you can maybe speak with "off the record" ?
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Re: Pregnancy symptoms I can't ignore but all proof says no.

Postby SymphonyOfSorrow » Tue Aug 09, 2016 4:44 am

Thanks for the reply.

My donor shipped to me with same-day shipping using an insemination kit including a buffer to preserve the sample. I used the syringe that came with it and I think it's unlikely that could be the cause of my bleeding. Sometimes it's been during my regular period schedule, other times a few days off which never used to happen to me. When I spoke to my psychiatrist she seemed doubtful that I could be pregnant but ran the test anyway. I've also had weird twitches in my stomach but I keep telling myself it must be me doing it, subconsciously.

As for the clinic, you mean like Planned Parenthood? That might not be a bad idea.
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Re: Pregnancy symptoms I can't ignore but all proof says no.

Postby Echinacea » Tue Aug 09, 2016 9:27 am

No problem, anytime.

Thanks for explaining, it just helps to know.

As for the clinic, you mean like Planned Parenthood? That might not be a bad idea.


Yes,
This is your best bet then IMO, as its confidential too (not on your medical notes) i believe..just check before of course (different countries have different rules)

i hope you get to know whats going on, and i wish you all the best
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