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Possible Factors in Health

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Possible Factors in Health

Postby Independentessence » Mon Apr 06, 2015 11:56 pm

am not sure how to explain about my situation with my family, so I am just going to type it in small words or bulletpoint them below, while also trying to place each one in a category, title or heading:

Desires as a child and teen - young adult
- make my family happy
- try to again family aprooval
for my family to believe in my ability to be sucessful and for my family to believing in my people and wisdom skills
to have my own privacy.

Desires as an adult
- To be allowed privacy in my family home in my bedroom
to not have to rescue any member of my family verbally, regularly, as well as being there and being a comfort arm or rock which holds something together.

- To have an individual life where only I know what I am doing.
- to do some nice things with my family, regularly.
- to involve my family in my life, regularly.
- to have privacy when I socialise or make friends and to not have my family interfere verbally and physically.
- for my family to chose to totally take control of their lives and be emotionally,mentally, as well as physically responsible for their lives.
- to not have to suffer emotional or mental outbursts from my family which cause me great stress, instill guilt in me or greatly interfere with my privacy or happiness.
- to be the creator of my own life.
- to take fully responsibility for my life.

Issues with my family:

Regularly watch they news and get upset over what they cannot control in society such as war, Politics and violence of a stranger.

Getting easily irritated

getting easily angry or begging for attention or company.

being greatly dependent on my views of life, society, their physical or mental appearance and their relationships etc.

letting their circumstances dictate their future and present, including happiness. Getting very angry with hurtful human behavior shown on the news.

telling you what you should be reading, eating, drinking or what career you should have.

wanting to regularly borrow your clothes and show others and ask them and me how they look in those clothes and if I say no to lending them my clothes, they claim that there is something seriously wrong with me as sharing clothes is normal and loving.

moving boxes, items or disposing of them when I am away or out of anger, plus kicking or throwing items, slamming doors, sulking or issolatiing themselves.

complaining that I don't see them enough or wanting me to see them weekly or more than weekly or suggest going on holiday with them.

My personality:

problem solver
very independent
loving to please others and love being generious.
very socialable
goal driven
very motivated
very jolly
very fit
very strong.

Personality now:

lack of motivation
chronic fatigue
muscle fatigue
joint pain
very stressed

What I am like away from my Family:

smiling more
problem solving
bit jolly
goal driven

what I am like around my family now:

lack of motivation
despair or depression
huge stress or pressure and feeling stuck and trapped
very panicky
lack of joy
not being able to think much
behaving irrationally
not being a good people-judger
seeking validation from family.

Any Ideas on how to deal with all this and what is your theory?

Thanks for listening.
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Re: Possible Factors in Health

Postby Ada » Fri May 01, 2015 9:49 am

I'm sorry this went without an answer for so long. Do you live with your family?

My theory is that your family is making you ill. It is a COMPLETELY natural, "normal" thing to want to be an adult. Which means being independent, having control of your life. Not feeling like you "have" to rescue people. Or to be the "strong one" all the time. Being forced in directions that aren't right for you. Causes harm both mentally and physically. Those desires you have as an adult around your own life. That's not a wishlist. You're describing basic human rights. The items which involve how your family behaves are outside your control. You can't change them. But you can change your involvement and interaction with them.

It seems to me like that would be both physically and psychologically healthier for you. Might you be able to see a counsellor or therapist? Because it can be very hard to put up healthy boundaries with people you love. Even though it's going to help them. As well as yourself. They can get so upset about it. That it's very hard to stick to in the long term. A therapist can give you support. And help you work out which things are most important. Once those change a little. Everything else starts to seem more possible too.
We think too much and feel too little.
 More than machinery, we need humanity.
 More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.

Charlie Chaplain in The Great Dictator
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