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Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Postby Ally_Cat123 » Thu Jun 16, 2005 2:37 pm

People think that physical abuse is worse than verbal abuse, but I don't think so. After being verbally abused for the past 15 years, basically my whole life, I wish that I was rather physically abused so I could just call the cops and show them what happened, but since I'm verbally abused there's nothing I can do about it and no marks to show and on top of that nobody believes me. My parents try acting normal when other people are around, but once they leave it starts all over again. I wish I knew what to do. Some of my best friends and the nicest people you'll ever meet are suffering from the same problem. Something should be done, but what?


Postby Butterfly Faerie » Thu Jun 16, 2005 6:37 pm

I dealt with all kinds of abuse, all of them actually.

Physical abuse you can heal from more I think when it comes to verbal abuse, because words are not easily healed I think then other things.

I think although it can be different for everyone.

The verbal and emotional abuse and mental did alot in terms of depression and self-esteem and confidence, shattered it completely.

Physical, and sexual was a bit easier to heal from in my case, although I do have alot of body memories/flashbacks associated with that... but it gets easier with time.
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Postby louxxx » Thu Jan 12, 2006 4:00 am

Feel like you have to "walk on eggshells" to keep him from getting angry and are frightened by his temper.

Feel you can't live without him.

Stop seeing other friends or family, or give up activities you enjoy because he doesn't like them.

Are afraid to tell him your worries and feelings about the relationship.

Are often compliant because you are afraid to hurt his feelings; and have the urge to "rescue" him when he is troubled.

Feel that you are the only one who can help him and that you should try to "reform" him.

Find yourself apologizing to yourself or others for your partner's behaviour when you are treated badly.

Stop expressing opinions if he doesn't agree with them.

Stay because you feel he will kill himself if you leave.

Believe that his jealousy is a sign of love.

Have been kicked, hit, shoved, or had things thrown at you by him when he was jealous or angry.

Believe the critical things he says to make you feel bad about yourself.

Believe that there is something wrong with you if you don't enjoy the sexual things he makes you do.

Believe in the traditional ideas of what a man and a woman should be and do -- that the man makes the decisions and the woman pleases him.

(some people) Have been abused as a child or seen your mother abused.

If you are abused:
You are not alone and you are not to blame. You cannot control his violence. There are ways you can make yourself safer:
Call the police if you have been assaulted. Charging abusive males is a necessary step in reducing physical violence.
Tell someone and keep a record of all incidents for evidence.
Write down the details for yourself as soon as possible after the assault. Keep it in a safe place where he won't find it.
Develop a safety plan. Memorize emergency numbers. Keep spare house and car keys handy. Know where you can stay in an emergency.
Consider ending the relationship as soon as possible. Without intervention, his violence will increase in frequency and severity as time passes.
Recognize that no one has the right to control you and that it is everyone's human right to live without fear.


Do not listen to you, ignore you or talk over you.
Sit or stand too close to you, making you uncomfortable and seem to enjoy it.
Do only what they want or push you to get what they want.
Express anger and violence towards women either through words or physically.
Have a bad attitude toward women.
Are overly possessive or jealous.
Drink or use drugs heavily.
Have a reputation for "scoring".

hope this helps

Postby Guest » Mon Feb 27, 2006 9:12 pm

I don't think that there is any compairison between verbal and physical abuse and I absolulty hate people saying one is worse than the other - just the whole "I've suffered more than you have" attitude. People are going to feel the same amount of pain - just at diffrent levels. The "worst" thing that happens to some one is the "worst" thing that they've experianced and they are going to feel the same way about that as you do about the "worst" thing that you've experianced.

Anywho what you need to understand is that physical abuse does not happen in and of itself. Physical abuse is ALWAYS accompanied by verbal abuse - so in effect while they are yelling at you about how worthless you are they are also reinforcing their words that they beleive you are worthless by hitting you. The bruises go away yes but the emotional harm of those words and those actions do not. In my opionion the worst thing I think my husband did was spit in my face - this falls under the physical abuse - That action to me was just sreaming "you are worth less than the ground I walk on, I have no respect for you". BTW you would be suprised how you can be physically abused and not have any marks from it. I was abused for 6 years and most the time did not have bruises - they try to hurt you without actually hurting you. To many men it is not abuse if they don't leave a mark.

Postby moramind » Wed Mar 01, 2006 5:44 am

it is really horrible, all abuse that is, and verbal was mine too, so i do understand, but the thing to do about it is simply rise above it, sing, and let your mind be free of these words, for they do not belong in you! you must let it go, and move on, by not, then you hurt yourself.
somtimes, it's like i want to touch these lights, and give into them become them, just a flash for a moment~in this world
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Postby sincefour » Wed Mar 01, 2006 6:45 pm


There are considered to be 4 types of abuse:

mental (also includes emotional)

One or more often occur together. Each tends to have different manifestations, and need different modes of treatement to cure.

I have a lot of experience with all four, sadly. I think even a bit of sexual abuse is more traumatic then quite a bit more physical and mental. But if there is enough physical and mental abuse it can be very difficult to overcome as well.

Personally, I find that the most difficult to deal with is near complete neglect from birth in the areas of emotional and physical nurturing, because it effects everything else that follows - normal or not - to an almost absurd degree.

My message is do not compare - who's is worst. Instead, offer kindness and caring for anyone dealing with the afteraffects of any of these situations, and that includes ourselves most of all, for we often feel that we do not deserve kind treatment, since we were taught that this is what we deserved, and we have taken on guilt, fear, rage, etc. as coping mechanisms - and they don't work, just serve to distance us from ourselves or anyone else we could have contact with.

Warm Regards,
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Re: Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Postby RuthieAnja13 » Sun Feb 23, 2014 5:14 am

I'd like to start off by saying that I respect your experience as someone who has gone through emotional abuse. But, as a survivor of physical abuse, I disagree with the opinion that emotional abuse is "worse." I get that it's hard. I get that it's painful. But the thing about physical abuse is that it's not "just" about the bruises. It's about the fear, for one thing. When you're with your abuser you are terrified that they might hurt you. You don't know what will set them off. You have to spend every minute when you're with them in fear that they will beat you. You also fear that they will escalate. You know they could kill you. In my situation, I was frequently choked. So I had the constant fear that one day I would be choked to death. Or beaten to death. Or stabbed as I was once threatened with a knife. On top of the fear, there's wondering what you did to deserve it. Are you a bad person because you "made" your abuser hurt you? How terrible of a person must you be if you deserved to get beaten? Many physical abuse survivors have low self esteem because of that. Feeling like someone who should love you really hates you enough to come close to killing you multiple times is terrible. Also, you said you wish the abuse were physical so you could show the bruise to the cops and it would be ok. But when you're being abused you're threatened with being killed if you tell anybody. So you can't easily tell the cops. You can, but it's never easy. That's my opinion based on my experience. I respect other people's opinions and experiences. This is just what I think.
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Re: Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Postby KevinG31 » Sun Feb 23, 2014 5:31 am

Verbal abuse is much worse especially from your parents, being physically bullied at school as a child is nothing compared to the kind of verbal torment your parents can put you through.
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Re: Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Postby seabreezeblue » Tue Feb 25, 2014 2:38 pm

The "worst" thing that happens to some one is the "worst" thing that they've experianced and they are going to feel the same way about that as you do about the "worst" thing that you've experianced.

^^ I think that this bears repeating.. perhaps even pinning as the most insightful thought ever..

I've been both physically and emotionally abused.. recurrent physical abuse always comes with a dose of emotional abuse attached.

With physical abuse.. you end up being scared to speak in case the violence happens again

With emotional abuse.. you end up being scared to speak in case the emotional abuse happens again.

I disagree Kevin.. being physically bullied at school is awful.. being emotionally abused by your parents is awful.. it is impossible to predict which one will traumatise the person more - the aftereffects all depend on the individual that it has happened to.

(this is a zombie thread though.. hopefully the opening poster is living peacefully by now)
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and i'll run round the moon..
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Re: Verbal v.s. physical abuse

Postby Slytherclaw » Sun Apr 20, 2014 2:26 pm

I experienced the same dilemma. I used to wish my abuser (ex boyfriend) would hit me so I had a concrete reason to leave, because I told him I would only leave him if he hit me or cheated on me. Technically he did neither. There's that and...to be honest, my mind had been stretched and tortured for so long, being physically hurt would have been a welcome change. I would have hit back very hard; that's something I know how to do. It's hard to "hit back" when said abuser knows exactly how to manipulate you.

Although I imagine that is quite insulting to somebody who has been physically abused. I'm not going to say one is easier than the other.
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