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My Boyfriend is a Narcissist

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My Boyfriend is a Narcissist

Postby phoenix002 » Mon Oct 18, 2021 5:29 pm

Ok, so I have been with my boyfriend for about three months now. I'm going to start by talking about how we met, and how it started, then progressively is falling apart.

So, i met him through his best friend. He walked in the door, and I was immediately in love. There were sparks, he was the only one in the room. I prayed that night and two nights after that, that God would let me marry that man. A couple days later, sure enough, he told me that he liked me.

We ended up getting together a week or two after that. I was never happier... We ended up connecting, and then we couldn't stop touching or kissing each other. When we kissed we both got HIGH. It was amazing, I've never felt anything like it before. I hoped we would get married.

About two months in, he started telling me everything I was doing wrong, he would start huge arguments over the tiniest stuff.

Cussing me out, calling me a, "Bitch ass little girl", and then always asking me for forgiveness, and then asking if I will let him show me real love, and then literally a few hours later or a day, telling me I'm not complimenting him enough, or communicating well, or showing him love enough, or that I'm not dressed right, or not taking care of myself.

One time I told him i loved his smile, and he took that as I thought his smile was goofy?? And he screamed at me for hours. He always dangles the fact he can break up with me at any moment, in front of my face like it means NOTHING.

He openly stares at other women in front of me, and goes and walk in front of them.. When I talk to him about it, he tells me it's because he thinks their attractive, and I don't understand why my attention isn't good enough.

He keeps telling me everything I need to fix and change in order for us to stay together, all the while, I'm showering him with compliments, and trying my best to fix my issues, but he makes me feel like I mess up all the time, I can't even look at a certain direction or he'll accuse me of checking a guy out. So, to avoid conflict, I look at the ground, but then I get clumsy.

He is destroying my confidence, because everything I do, I'm scared I'll mess up and he'll go off on me again. When I talk to him about it, he just says to be myself, but then when I am myself, he tells me all these things I need to fix. He says I am weak, and I don't know who I am .

He tells me what to wear, and what to do, at first I thought it was cute how protective he was, but now, it's literally all about him. All his friends don't look as good as him, and he knows it, he always has to be the topic of conversation, and the center of attention.

I don't know what to do, because I keep remembering all the good stuff, I don't want to lose him sometimes, because when he's not being a total ass, he is sweet.

But, he doesn't want to kiss me very much anymore, and he wants me to change everything about myself. He will act different with me in front of his family. Loving, touching, a sparkle in his eye.

He uses what happened to me from my past to call me weak, whenever I feel strong. He makes me admit that I'm weak or else we'll break up. He often reminds me that he doesn't get anything out of the relationship. And he tells me that he's the only one that does anything.

Why is the person that I prayed to be with doing this? What do I do when I keep thinking about the good? When he's nice and kind, and I think about what we would be like if he wasn't like this, or if I fixed my $#%^. When he's funny, and we play around. What do I do with the small arguments that he always wins? Its like we can go two days without him starting an argument!

He sent me a picture the other day, and said that we would talk later that night. I didn't respond to the picture, and I was going to call him later that night. Ten minutes before I was going to call him, he calls me. I said, "Hey baby!" and then he started yelling at me for not answering his texts and tells me I need to work on y communication or else we are breaking up... And that he needs a women who loves him enough to answer his texts.

HOW WAS I SUPPOST TO RESPOND TO HIS PICTURE??? It's a text message, not the end of the world... And he's threatening to break up with me. What do I do?? I'm so confused. Because I love him, but then, I feel like we have lost our initial spark together. He also says this, which makes me feel weird, " I could be with you, just you, and no other girls, and be happy."
That doesn't sit right with me. We also got in an argument, because as a kid and until I was 18, I was groomed and abused by my father, and he says that he deserves better than my choices... of ME being groomed and abused, and that because that happened to me, he doesn't feel like he's worth anything. So, after the argument, the next morning he said because of how worthless my past made him feel, he watched and masturbated to porn.... So, it was MY FAULT for HIS SIN???!!!!! WHAAAATTT!!!!!
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Re: My Boyfriend is a Narcissist

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 20, 2021 12:02 am

My mother married a man who was the perfect gentleman while they dated.

The day after they eloped, he showed his tail. And didn't stop showing it, until she left him. She put up with about a decade of verbal and emotional abuse that came in bits and pieces. He could be perfectly fine, then fly off the handle about any little thing. She walked on eggshells. He would call her names and denigrate her. It was very hard, living in that kind of environment. The older I got, the less tolerance I found myself having, as I moved into young adulthood- if she hadn't left him when she did, I feel as if either him or me was going to end up in the hospital, or the morgue.

Your boyfriend reminds me of him, but much worse. He's sweetness and light when he needs to be, or wants to be- then he treats you like absolute dirt when it either fancies him, or when he needs to get his way.

At least, that's how it looks.

We've partially had this discussion in another thread, but I guarantee you if I called my partner a 'bitch ass little girl', I would be afraid to go to sleep, and with good reason.

There are other men out there, and you can do much better than this.
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Re: My Boyfriend is a Narcissist

Postby Terry E. » Wed Oct 20, 2021 7:39 am

This is how it starts, it is almost text book domestic violence - how it starts, how you second guess, how you depend only on him, and how you lose confidence self esteem, isolates you from friends.

If I was not sure before, I am now, protect yourself, this is heading towards you being slapped around or having your things broken and then being told " Look what you made me do!!"

I would suggest talking to someone who can help you, as I don't think you leaving him may be quite as easy as you may think. Check out domestic violence hot lines available to you, as you may need one sooner than you think.

maybe let him break up with you, now..

be careful
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Re: My Boyfriend is a Narcissist

Postby Snaga » Wed Oct 20, 2021 5:13 pm

Terry E. wrote:maybe let him break up with you, now..


That.

phoenix002 wrote:He makes me admit that I'm weak or else we'll break up.


Then don't admit it.
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Tell someone today that you love them; for Life is short. But scream it at them in Klingon; for Life is also terrifying and confusing.

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