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I need to get this off my chest

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

I need to get this off my chest

Postby someguy123 » Tue Mar 24, 2020 10:56 pm

Right, so this is going to be long, so TL;DR is I think my brother is manipulative, but I can't really prove it and I might be just crazy.

In our family, it is just me and my brother. He is a massive @@@@@@@. He would call me names all the time and I couldn't do anything because he is 5 years older than me and more physically fit. Because of that, our relationship was uneven.

I would play games I didn't even like to make him happy and he would mock me for playing games he didn't like, while barely giving an effort to try it. He would always point out something I was doing wrong, and has actually "corrected" me more than my parents ever did. FYI, I am the kind of guy spends my entire day playing video games and $#%^, so I am far from a trouble maker. In fact, when I was in the first grade, I cried because I didn't get a 10. Yup. Also, he has, in more than one occasion, reminded me of something bad that I did, some of which I was to young to remember.

Point is, he pushed my buttons and I was too much of a wuss to do anything.

So whatever, maybe I am just a worthless piece of junk.

Thing is, when I became an adult, I started to notice the same kind of treatment being given to my parents. He would never listen to their criticism and he would point out how they used to treat him badly and favor me over him. How they would "pat me in the head". AFAIK, my parents never denied support to him. Also, I find it really weird that he thinks I am spoilled, while he is still deeply afraid of the dark and I had to sleep with him, despite him having his own room and being 5 years older than me. He loses his $#%^ over the most insignificant things.

On the other hand, I always felt like my parents did way more for me than I quite frankly deserve. I still live with them, and anytime I talk about moving out, they insist for me to stay with them. I've told people at work about it, and they say that "so long as you are studying". I feel like a parasite sometimes.

Eventually, he got married, essentially as soon as he got out of college. He immediatly had a child, who my parents adore. A little too much, it seems. My brother accused my parents of, you guessed it, spoiling their grandchild. I will admit it, the little $#%^ can be a massive pain the ass sometimes, but my brother's reactions seems to be a little...

Let me put it this way. He always seemed to not care about his son. He would call his attention more times than he actually went to play with him. In fact, my parents seemed to interact with my nephew more than the actual parents. Okay, maybe they are using my parents to rest a bit.

What I found really weird, was when the kid got a flu. He had visibly less energy than usual. And my brother adored it. He seemed so happy that his son was finally "behaving". He went as far as to hold the child on his arms and comteplate him, I never saw he do before. Another thing, he would be super pissed if my nephew went to play on the floor, because "he is sick, and it will get worse if you just let him play on the floor!". For ###$'s sake, it's a child! What do you want children to do?

Some time later, my mom defends the kid one time too many, and they have a fight. Essentialy, it was my mother telling him to not be so harsh to him, and my brother remind her that they used to treat him the same way. Everytime they had this discussion, it would always turn out like this.

Eventually, I had enough of my brother getting away with it, and talked to mom about it. Thought that maybe she should be a little harsher on my brother. She tells how she and dad used to beat him when he was a kid, and that he is just like his dad, but by the time I came by, he changed.

So here is my take on my dad. He was always good. A bit scary and short tempered, but he never beat me, and only had a few verbal fights with my brother. He did fight a lot with my mom, but AFAIK, he was never abusive towards her. Just a massive asshole.

So my father was abusive until I was born. On top of it, my mom said that my brother and his wife had a lot of fights, and that the wife didn't knew how to deal with it. Yeah, I am believing that $#%^. Why did he turn out to be such a prick to everyone, and I turn out to be such a pushover that never fights anyone for the sake of peace? (not that this is good either, mind you)

So, cut it short, because I could probably write a book about it, my relationship with my brother was in an all time low. I would refuse to play the new game he wanted me to (he insisted for two years), would question mom when he would leave and would barely interact with him. Well, I barely interact with anyone, but I went out of my way to minimize my contact with him.

Me and my parents were moving out of the house at the time. I was in a bad shape at the time. After essentialy forcing myself to finish college, I don't get any job on the area, after being fired to cut losses, so I get a work carrying boxes. Remember, I am a whimp, so I couldn't be less qualified for the job. Also, I was getting paid more, making me even angrier at the fact I stayed in college. I haven't got a new job since.

So mid move, I start having nightmares about my brother. He would be beating his son over some stupid $#%^, and I would beat the crap out of him and save my nephew. I would always wake up vatilating. It was awful. I mean, it was exactly what I wanted to do, but it was extremely taxing, not to metion that I wanted to beat the crap of my own brother. Not angrily beat him, like, genuine make him go to the hospital beatdown.

It was going to be Christmas soon, and my brother would be home for a whole month. I could barely shake the feeling of tolerating him anymore. I tried to tell mom about the nightmares, but I couldn't tell her I hated my own brother. I mean, that goes against everything that society tells you to feel about family.

He comes anyway, and since the first day, he is a pain in the ass. Not only he is generally unfunny, he also gets angry that his son beat his face on the door. "Of course, he can't stop for a second!"

Then, it happened. I was home, off from work because of the holidays, and the first day. First. ######6. Day. I am off. My brother spends the whole morning screaming at the kid. I stay at my room, because there is no way I am dealing with my brother. Lunch comes, I have to leave anyway, because it would be weird if I refused contact with everyone at home. So everyone is eating, except my brother.

Suddenly, nephew needs to pee, and he goes to the toilet that the A/C maintanence guy used. My brother, very angrily, was telling him to go to another bathroom. My nephew didn't listen. Mom tried to get him to use another bathroom friedly. That didn't work either.

Naturally, my brother lost his $#%^. He was livid. There is no doubt the neighboors heard him screaming. He grabed the kid by the arm, almost like he was going to rip it off. The kid pissed himself.

I was ######6 wild. I could feel my arms going numb with anger, I wanted to do something so bad, but I knew he would ignore me and scream at me at best, beat the $#%^ out of at worst, so all I said is that I didn't want to be home, and that I would leave.

I noticed my parents talking. Mom said she can't do anything, because he would just scream at her back and tell her that she is protecting the grandson. Dad said he couldn't say anything, either, because if he didn't listen to mom, he wouldn't listen to anyone. The wife was incactive, too.

I lost my ######6 $#%^. Everyone knew what he was doing was wrong, but everyone was afraid of doing something.

I grabbed a knife in the kitchen and went to confront him. The first thing he did was turn around and say "what do you want?!", then I started screaming at him "you are always like that!", he finally sees the knife and backs into the corner, pledging for his life. Finally, our parents notice the situation, and take the knife from my hands and send me to my room. Well, I gave the knife to them, actually. Brother tells me to go ###$ myself. I respond with the same words.

He leaves, telling that he knew something bad was going to happen. Yeah, right. Then, he goes to my room to tell that he would die for me. Yeah, right. ###$ you.

So, my brother leaves, Christmas is ruined, and I got kicked out of the--

My parents didn't kick me out of the house. I have no ######6 idea why. It can't be parental love, because I could have killed their son. I just don't get it.

So 2 years, pass, and after countless sleepless nights, a suicide attempt and a year of therapy and drugs, I never saw my brother again. Eventually, my mom finally gets on my nerves about calling my brother, despite me telling countless times how I don't want to and how my life has been so much better ever since, and I call the prick. At least I would try.

He says that he saw my true collors after I try to explain why I did it, told my parents I tried to guilt trip him when I pointed out things he did in the past (DESPITE HIM DOING THE SAME THING TO US), said that no one tried to stop the kid from using the other bathroom, said what he did was for the kids own good and then concludes that I did what I did because he called be "big head" once, and refused to let me explain that he always treats everyone badly and how much of an awful dad and son he is. Oh, and he cut me off several times, while pretending like I was cutting him off, like he always does in a fight with anyone.

Also, he called me a ticking bomb, said that my parents are crazy for leting me still in their home, called me useless on several fronts, including not being able to find a job, and having a job that needed my parents help to get. By the way, we work for the same organization, obviously not on the same building.

He also made me swear to leave home so he can bring his sons to my parents home so they can have the "grandparent dream" (yes, he got another one). Despite the fact that I will literally go to a hotel to let them come in, and have done already in the past. My parents told me I could stay. Again.

He said he how tried his best to have a relationship with me, how he went out of his way to play video games he didn't like so I could be happy, but I was always pushing him away. I am not ######6 joking.

That was in the beginning of the year, and I still feel bad for about it. Like, he is just going to appear out of nowhere to get me. My parents tell me everything is going to be fine, but that doesn't help.

So, I can't find a proper job, my brother continues to ruin my life and I can't tell anyone that I am an autistic $#%^ with depression, because I have to keep faces and don't have any friends, because, again, I am an autistic $#%^. Worse still, I feel like I am just crazy and don't understand how real people work.
someguy123
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