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Need to get this out

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

Need to get this out

Postby kepp81 » Tue Jul 16, 2019 8:54 pm

I've been told my ex has been emotionally abusive and manipulative. I've been seeing an abuse advocate who helps me understand how/why I react the way I do, and to look at what she's saying/doing in a more objective way. But, I need to get my story out...

Back in February my fiancee left the house we'd bought together. We are unmarried and have two children together. I thought she was going to be gone for a short while - she said "this is for a short time" before she left. In the months leading up to February she had begun accusing me of hating her kids (my step kids), and saying that I don't support her, that she's "just a mouse in the house", and all kinds of other things. I was so confused by this that I didn't know what to say. By February I had enough and asked her to leave.

During February and March we talked on the phone a lot. We went to couples counseling. She had even said that she was feeling more hopeful during one session. Seven days later at the next appointment she says she's lost all hope for our relationship and doesn't see how it could possibly work. What?? By late March I was suspecting she was up to something, and she kept insisting she hadn't rented a house, though she'd mentioned she was thinking about it. In early April she announced that she had indeed rented a house, our relationship is "just over", and btw "I scheduled movers for tomorrow". What??

She disappeared for most of the month of April. She took our kids. She took my name off the "authorized pickup list" at their daycare so I can't pick them up without her approval anymore. By late April she and I were talking again. She had said that she wants to start with a clean slate, and that she misses me. Early May, she tells me she's fallen out of love with me, there's no future for us, she yells at me and hangs up on me. She then disappears for most of May and most of June. At this point I'm desperately trying to see our kids. She ignores my calls and texts for weeks at a time.

I filed for custody of our children after her outburst in May. I'm done with it. Lately, starting in late June, her communication has begun to get "better". She's returning texts (mostly), she even called me at one point, and she's even almost engaged me in a conversation about our 4 year old. I don't know what to think of this. We even resolved a long standing issue regarding how to pay for the children's daycare. Like, this problem spanned 4 years and now we're suddenly cooperating. It's really weird.

So the pressure I feel is immense. My lawyer has said she looks pretty bad for disappearing like that in April and interfering with the daycare. We have a temporary hearing coming up in 3 weeks and I feel like I'm going to crack. Some days I actually like that she's responding to my texts, and other days I get heartburn the instant I see her name show up. And then I spend days analyzing everything she said. I dread seeing her in court. I haven't seen her at all since March. She just vanished. I don't know what to say or what to think anymore. This has all been so bizarre.

Anyway thanks for reading. I skipped a lot of details to keep this reasonably short. I just had to get this out of my head.
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Re: Need to get this out

Postby quietgirl2538 » Thu Jul 18, 2019 12:20 am

I just want to offer you a hug, if wanted. You've gone through so much already and it's not over yet.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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