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Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby RobertABooey » Fri Jun 14, 2019 11:41 pm

If so, how do you let someone you love know that they are abusing you, without them getting defensive? My wife is very condescending to me a lot, and often puts me down. Never in front of others, just when we’re alone. She also gets very angry with me about the most trivial things. An example is she wasn’t talking to me for 2 days and wouldn’t tell me why. I finally found out from a third party that it was because when I cleaned our house for company, I didn’t do things in the order she told me she wanted them done in. I got them done, just not following her list of priorities. I’ll be honest, I don’t recall her priorities, but my focus was on getting everything done in time, which I did. When I confronted her about this and suggested that perhaps next time we write down a list and priorities, she got defensive and condescending, saying things like “I shouldn’t have to make a list for another adult.” I went to a therapist and explained what has been going on in my house, and the therapist said the problem sounds like our relationship and not me or her alone. I talked to my wife about going to a therapist together, but she wasn’t keen on that, reiterating that she believes I’m the one with the problems and I create the stress in our house. I don’t know what to do to get through to her, but it’s made it to the point that I don’t want to be home anymore, and I’m actually afraid of my wife (not physically, just mentally). Also, she keeps accusing me of being “miserable” all the time and that my misery is making others in the house have more stress, so I feel like I have to act happy all the time just so they’ll be peace. Sorry for the novel, I’m just out of ideas! FYI: at one point I was on drugs and alcohol trying to make myself happy, but that doesn’t even work anymore.
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby Terry E. » Sat Jun 15, 2019 11:07 pm

Yeah, sounds like the relationship. How long has this been going on.

Would you describe her as unhappy or happy, and do you have children, how are they ??
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby RobertABooey » Sun Jun 16, 2019 4:56 pm

Been going on for about a month where she has been really laying into me. Before that things were just “uncomfortable.”

I would say she is unhappy, only because she told me she is. The thing is, she told me I’m the reason she’s unhappy, not our marriage. It’s because of my anxiety and depression, which I’m medicated and go to therapy for and have been since before I met her over a decade ago.

We have one kid who is a happy child, but walks all over us. I try to discipline him but whenever I do she automatically thinks I’m mad or getting angry and takes over, no matter what I say or do, and hounds me to leave the situation. So basically, he gets whatever he wants and hardly ever receives punishment when he’s behaving badly.
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Jun 17, 2019 1:55 pm

Just offering the advice to take care of yourself. Make sure you feel good about yourself and how you're handling the situation, the best you are able to. I'm sorry you have depression. I have it too sometimes, and it can get worse with a bad environmental situation. So that is why I say to take care of yourself. In a certain way, you are being mistreated, which could fall under being verbally abused . Definitely true. I tell my spouse, "Don't treat me like that!" and I defend myself the best way I can. You don't need to put up with this treatment. You should feel like your home is your safe haven. You need to stand up for yourself in small ways. I hope this helps. Let us know what happens and how things go from now on.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D

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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby RobertABooey » Tue Jun 18, 2019 8:05 pm

Thanks for the reply. Not quite sure what you mean by “take care of myself” though. Does that mean making sure my needs are met first? Because if so, that’s what I think got me into this mess I’m in now. All of my shrinks have said I need to stop putting others’ needs ahead of my own, and I’ve tried that, and it has seemed to be the root cause of why my wife is so stressed with me. She claims that she has been having to “do everything” (not true, I do ALL housework inside and out), and that lately I’ve been more focused on me. She’s also a needy person, and so is my son, so I spend a great majority meeting their needs, and when that starts slacking is when I catch the most crap! So, I’m not sure what to do anymore... nothing pleases her.
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Tue Jun 18, 2019 11:46 pm

I meant that things like getting your 7-8 hours of rest, eating well, things like that to make sure you are putting yourself first. Those type of things. But what I say is just something that I do and that works for me. So please do what your doctor’s or therapist’s say. I am just a member here.

I’m sorry to hear that nothing seems to please her. You can share here to receive a listening ear and an encouraging word.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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ADD (not the hyperactive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D

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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby RobertABooey » Thu Jun 20, 2019 2:38 am

Thank you for the confirmation and advice. Something happened tonight that’s a perfect example of our relationship. My son has done nothing all day; no exercise, no play... nothing. After dinner, we decide to go for a walk, only he wants to be pulled in a wagon. I say no, he needs to actually walk to burn off some energy before bed. I stick to this in spite of his whining and complaining that he doesn’t want to walk. I was just about to win as I opened the door, when my wife said “I don’t care, he can go in the wagon.” So of course, he went in the wagon. I asked her why she trumped me and her answer is always the same: “You pick the wrong battles, and you fight about things that just aren’t worth it.”

My son walks all over us and has zero respect for my discipline, and I wonder why. :?
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Fri Jun 21, 2019 1:34 am

RobertABooey wrote:Thank you for the confirmation and advice. Something happened tonight that’s a perfect example of our relationship. My son has done nothing all day; no exercise, no play... nothing. After dinner, we decide to go for a walk, only he wants to be pulled in a wagon. I say no, he needs to actually walk to burn off some energy before bed. I stick to this in spite of his whining and complaining that he doesn’t want to walk. I was just about to win as I opened the door, when my wife said “I don’t care, he can go in the wagon.” So of course, he went in the wagon. I asked her why she trumped me and her answer is always the same: “You pick the wrong battles, and you fight about things that just aren’t worth it.”

My son walks all over us and has zero respect for my discipline, and I wonder why. :?


I can see how that will undermine your authority and your wife doesn’t allow you to discipline. That’s not good for you nor for your son. Meaning, he needs you to discipline him.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

Bipolar I
ADD (not the hyperactive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D

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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby RobertABooey » Sun Jun 23, 2019 1:44 am

I just caught hell for my family suggesting pizza for dinner! I had nothing to do with it, and she gives me hell about it. And I also just caught hell from my family for the fact that my wife babies my son. Jesus, I can’t win!!! Ahhhh!!! Sorry, just had to vent and I have no one to vent to in my family or friends. Oh, cuz I don’t have friends anymore.
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Re: Am I Being Verbally Abused?

Postby quietgirl2538 » Wed Jul 03, 2019 10:38 am

It's good to vent and let it out in a healthy way like this. I'm sorry you're catching hell for any little thing from all sides. Damned if you do, and damned if you don't...
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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ADD (not the hyperactive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D

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