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My long distance abusive relationship

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My long distance abusive relationship

Postby sslmit » Tue Jun 26, 2018 10:30 pm

I'll get straight to the point. I met a man on a website i've completely lost my mind for. I love him sincerely. I have never felt even remotely close to this for anyone else. He's gorgeous, intellignet, charming, perfect in every way. He seems to like me back. We sadly live in different continents, so for now we havent met yet, but I've been pushing for that to happen. What's the problem with all this? Despite all my justifications, I can't deny he has certain abusive tendencies. At first he wasn't as bad as he is now, but as soon as he started to feel more comfortable with me he showed his hidden side. He expects total obedience from me. I must do what he wants, when he wants and how he wants.
I am attracted to a dominant man, but at times he crosses the line. If i openly talked about him to some friends or family, they would urge me to leave asap before he really gets the chance to hurt me (which is a bit harder to do when there's an ocean to keep you apart). He might not have hurt me physically, but his emotional and psychological abuse has definitly had an impact on me and my already poor mental health (i suffer from depression and a couple minor issues).
The thing is, the simple thought of not having him in my life anymore scares me to death and provokes the worst panic attacks. It's like he's hypnotised me. I cannot leave, and most importantly i don't want to. I cannot live without him anymore. He's become everything for me. The problem is, this situation can be really draining: the fear of not being good enough for him, the anxiety I feel when i disobey him and know I'll have to face the consequences, the thought of him getting tired of me and wanting to leave are sometimes unbearable. So, it's awful to stay and it'd be awful to leave. A lose-lose situation you could say.
I initially thought this was just a strong infatuation, but after all these months I've had to realise that what i feel for him is something much deeper. I am stuck and I see no way out. The distance that's between us makes it all worse but at the same time I am thankful he can't hurt me physically. I love him with all my heart and I'd be ready to endure even worse abuse if that allowed me to be with him IRL.
I know most people won't understand the issues I'm expiriencing and will simply tell me to leave him and forget all about him, but I'd rather die than not having him in my life anymore. I really don't know what to do, I am so dependent on him I just want to please him and make him happy. I know I won't be able to change him, no matter how good i behave.
(FYI we're both adults and our relationship is 100% legal and consensul, just to be clear)

Has anyone ever been in a similar situation? Have you ever dealt with an abusive partner that despite everything means the world to you?

I thank in advance anyone who took the ime to read my long and boring post and will post some reply.
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Re: My long distance abusive relationship

Postby quietgirl2538 » Wed Jun 27, 2018 3:29 pm

I don't have much advice but I think you have strong feelings for this person and if it's important to you, you can keep that in your heart. You can better decide how you will live your life as it happens day to day. Just because you feel one way, one day, doesn't mean you will go be with him. Give yourself your gift of allowing yourself to feel good, but at the same time, know intellectually that you can make your wise decisions because you need to watch out for #1, YOU. Wishing you the best. :wink:
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Re: My long distance abusive relationship

Postby HislilPrincess » Wed Jun 27, 2018 6:02 pm

I'm sorry this is happening to you. First I want to say that you have choices, if you don't want to be abused you have to leave him. Second, did you know that men who abuse women whether it be verbal or physically do so because they can, yes and this is why. You have very low self worth , very insecure and no self esteem which unfortunately means you don't love yourself. This men are drawn to women like you and when they find you they will manipulate you into believing they love you, or they want you around when the truth is they don't love any part of you, they love the power and control they have over you only. If you were a confident woman who knew how to say no to their demands they wouldn't give you the time of day, trust me I know this for a fact, they love the fact they can abuse you and you don't do anything to help yourself. They prey on women like you, they have 0 respect for you, and bc you allow it to happen, they will never treat you like a woman, they will continue to hurt you over and over, and why? bc you are giving them permission to do exactly that.

If you don't want to be an abused woman, then get out of your abusive relationship. You are smart enough to know what is happening so you should be smart enough to leave. Repeat this to yourself over and over. HE DOESN'T LOVE ME, HE DOESN'T RESPECT ME, HE WILL HURT ME OVER AND OVER BECAUSE I'M ALLOWING IT. HE WILL NEVER STOP TREATING ME LIKE GARBAGE, HE WILL NEVER STOP TREATING ME WITH NO RESPECT, HE WILL NEVER LOVE ME THE WAY I DESERVE.

Seriously run for your life, sounds like you have a sociopathic narcissist on your heels, they will destroy any amount of self worth you still have, so please if you can find an ounce of love for yourself, run and never look back. Best of luck, you can do this.
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