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Think my sister is being emotionally abused

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Think my sister is being emotionally abused

Postby babbit » Fri Mar 02, 2018 5:05 pm

I think my sister is being emotionally abused by her boyfriend.

There may be triggers for some in this post

I think he may be a covert narcissist and I think he may be emotionally abusing my sister and due to this she has developed an eating disorder.

Evidence that he is a covert narc / borderline (co-morbid)-
Overly competitive about everything
highly judgemental and superior
pulls faces when he hears something he disagrees with
lets others be candid while keeping his own cards close to his chest
enjoys put down humour
has cruel nick names for everyone
has little empathy
feels and shows entitlement
does not respect other's boundaries
uses sexually explicit humour to shame others
humiliates my sister in public

As well as the last example of emotional abuse-
he is also very controlling over my sister's movements and the messages she receives from people
lovebombs her when she spends rare one-to-one time with me (calls her/ texts her every 5 minutes even when he is at work)
encourages a rift whenever we have had an argument (encourages her to stay angry etc rather than seeking peace)
(recently told her that his mother and her sister never spoke again. I think this was designed to encourage this rather than discourage this)
tight with money and lets my sister pay for most things
doesn't do any housework even though they both work the same hours
resents other people who are guests in "her" home eating "his" food (food they have "both" paid for)
spends all his free time with his male friends and on his own hobbies while my sister stays alone at home
lovebombs her whenever there's a rare time that she's with her friends

Okay it may be obvious that I don't like the guy and it's bordering on cannot stand being around him.

At the end of the day, I realise that it is her choice and that she seems to be happy with him (even though it seems to be an unhealthy addicted happiness).
My family also points out that she's a highly functioning person so who should judge?

The problem here is that he has changed her for the worse. They both now are very judgemental and have mean humour that I find depressing to be around.

Also he has an obsession with hating on people who are overweight and because of this my sister is now dangerously thin and every time I see her she brags about various other foods she can't eat any more.

It's a difficult situation. To be honest recently I have backed off from her completely as I don't know what to say or do around her any more.
She worries about losing me as a sister but I feel stuck. When she talks about food she's not eating, I tell her I'm worried and then she gets angry.
If I ignore what she says I feel like I am enabling it. (I will also post this on an eating disorder forum as I realise that one wrong word about it could be disasterous)

I have never told her my misgivings about her partner but I have dropped the odd hint.

I really don't know what I can do! She knows how I feel about her not eating but I dare not tell her fully and truthfully about what I think of her partner.
She said that she would die without him and said she would have no qualms about cutting all of her family out as she has her own family now (him and his daughter from a previous marriage)
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