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He financially and emotionally abuses me.

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He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby maskedsanity » Mon Oct 16, 2017 11:36 am

I am being emotionally and financially abuses. Just a matter of time that he will become physically abusive. He has already made threats to hit/beat the $#%^ outta me. Smash my belongings. I cannot get away from him. I just got away from him. He took me away from my family and brought me to a different city. He isolated me from my family. I ignored everybody for him. I took off my mom from my joint account. I deleted my social media apps because he accused me of flirting with other men. He told me to delete the men on instagram and even got mad at me for liking guys pics. He got angry if I hugged another guy. He got angry if I looked at another man. He said I am not allowed to work for 4-6 months outta fear I will cheat on him. He called me a waste bitch, fake, @@@@@@@, bitch, retard, filthy whore, whore, slut. The list goes on with all that he has put me though. Yet I still love him. I think my love can change him. I make excuses for him. I even stick up for him. I chose him over my own family. I gave up my nice condo and job for him. I gave up everything he turns around and says he gave up everything for me. He has nothing to really lose or give up. I have everything to lose. I am broke and homeless because of this guy. He is violent and he has already threatened to slap/punch me. He even said I deserved to be taken in an alley way and get beaten backly. When we have sex he is sadistic he really hurt me emotionally and psychically. He called me a whore, slut, cock whore,etc. He pulls my hair out, chokes me, slaps me. He gets upset when we don't do it and he threatens to leave if we don't leave. He gets violent threatens to smash things. He gets mad if it isn't to his liking too. He want sex 24/7 even if I am tired or sick. He spends all of my money to keep me dependent on him. I try to save but he makes sure I spend it all. And anytime I get paid from gst, work, ODSP,ETC.He will go outta way to make me spend it on him. He lived at my condo for free and whilst I was at work slaving away to make a living. His ass was still at my house sleeping!!! He stayed at my house all day and all night. He stalked me at work and picks me up to take me home. He didn't want me to work due to jealousy and insecurity. Yet he had no issue cleaning out my bank account. We fight for control everyday. I despise being controlled like this so I fight back which makes the emotional and financial abuse more severe. He loses control when I am not completely submissive. I feel like I am a slave. I love him still despite all of this. I hate his freeloading ways. He only made me take off the joint account because he couldn't get access to all my money. He didn't want my mom getting her rent money. And he moved me away from my house so he could isolate and control me. He was upset I stood up to him and said you cannot stay at my house for free nor can you stay here during the work week. He was good in the beginning but he weaseled his way in my house. He needs to allow me to live on my own. He needs to stay at his house. He needs a job or to go to school. I am tired of being montiored constantly. I feel like I am in jail! He even got me to get loans from 2 places and commit fraud. If I don't pay back I am screwed. My mom lost money on the condo because I didn't pay rent. I just left with this guy to get away.

-- Mon Oct 16, 2017 6:39 am --

It won't be long before he starts putting his hands on me. And possibly battering me. He could even murder me if I leave him. He robbed me of the self esteem I was rebuilding. And I am very very afraid of him. He can be violent.
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby quietgirl2538 » Mon Oct 16, 2017 2:45 pm

Your situation sounds terrible. I'm very sorry you are going through so much. I don't have a "fix it" solution. It sounds tough for you. I can only sympathize and offer you many hugs if wanted. I hope others who can give you any insightful words will post. Don't feel bad if you don't get many replies. Many do read your posts and for whatever reason they don't post, but it's not a bad thing.

It feels good to just unload this through the forum.
“There’s an Asian expression that ‘a burden shared is halved.’"

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ADD (not the hyperactive kind)
*I take loads of meds, but they keep me stable :D

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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Terry E. » Tue Oct 17, 2017 3:17 am

I would suggest going backto family if that is still an option. If not you need someone local to walk you through your options. Maybe a rape crisis centre, what you two are doing is not love or maybe police. It is a crime to threaten violence in most places. No matter how bad it feels I have seen people get out of where you are. It can get better, you deserve better. Good luck.
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby VeraClay67 » Sun Nov 19, 2017 3:33 pm

This was extremely similar to my situation so I'm just going to tell you what I did. My advice might not be sound and remember every abuser is different. I'm so sorry you're going through this and you are so strong, doing this alone is so hard and the fact that you came here shows that you at least know you need to get out and fast.

Again, same boat as you, I was well aware my guy was bad news and that my life was in danger. I had that same "this guy could possibly kill me" vibe. I was saving all threatening texts, conversations, anything I could. I had put my phone down and recorded video of him screaming and throwing things/yelling/everything just to show that he was crazy and unstable. Even though in that video I wasn't able to get him physically hitting me I still had something. Also you don't need to wait til it gets physical - what you have is still clear abuse. Take pictures of the money he spends. Record and document as much as you can get away with.

Now if you still have access to your phone there's an app you can download that looks like a normal news app, but there's a little button on the side that says "get help" and when you press that it turns into a domestic abuse resource center. It's called Aspire News. https://www.thedailybeast.com/can-an-ap ... c-violence so when it's up on your phone it looks like you're reading the news if he were to look over your shoulder, but if you tap the get help I believe three times it can signal 911, ect.

Also I've heard if you call 911 and pretend you're ordering a pizza they'll send someone over. Give the address, you know, just go about like you're ordering a pizza. So that's another trick if you ever need emergency discretly.

Now I can't tell you when the right time to leave is. That one is on you. It took me I think four times before I managed to successfully get away for good - but here's the thing - when he kept harassing me and threatening me I told him I had everything on file. I said I had audio, video, pictures, texts everything that he did to me. I had already left at this point I didn't say this to his face. He pretended he wasn't scared but he was. He ended up asking me not to say anything and then threatening to leak naked pictures if I did, but again, it's been a year and he's finally out of my life.

So again - I'm not saying this is sound advice - but try to gather as much as you can. At least if something does happen to you, you'll have a case against him.

Stay safe and I hope this helped
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Terry E. » Wed Nov 22, 2017 6:04 am

Vera thanks so much for sharing.

hope all is going well in your life

Terry
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Ifog671 » Fri Nov 24, 2017 8:24 pm

This very different for me. I am a diagnosed as a high functioning psychopath. I have emotionally and financially abused my wife. However, the difference between what you described and what I do......is I'm not jealous. So the violence/anger caused by jealousy doesn't occur with me. However, I'm hypersexual and demeaning.
The story you framed describes your husband as an anti social pd. However, the non functioning component of his behavior demonstrates lack of intelligence coupled with an insecurity he's unable to find his way out.
Running without great great emotional and financial cost isn't possible. So there is only two solutions, 1 you pay the costs, or 2nd, you approach his insecurities and change the balance of power. Engage with him. Slowly, ask questions that make him talk about himself. This can take time....like 6-18 months. Build trust.....always give him eye contact with the most trivial things. Never use internet when he's around unless ur doing it together.....foster that connection. It's a lot of work. Despite what you see with your eyes and what he says.....don't believe what he says. Perhaps agree with him. Slow start babying him. Slowly build that up so he doesn't sense or suspect auterior motive. Like heating up a lobster. Remember, humans r especially astute at sudden behavior changes. Over time, the amount of babying increases. Like coffee and breakfast in bed, eye contact, never defensive. Petting him, doing things before he asks....etc. all that couple with discussions about him......Slowly break him down to that emotional event in his childhood. He will then seed emotional dependence on you.....This is a slow process. You will never get rid of his hot head or increase his IQ, but now you have your very own attack dog.
This is way harder than it seems. It requires enormous amount of patience and thought. It will require you to be smarter than he is too.
Last point is the fact that you are with him to begin with indicates you have many of his same mental condition, the question in executing this plan is you have to be fully aware of your own mental condition. If not you will never be able to execute strategy and win.
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Terry E. » Sat Nov 25, 2017 3:12 am

Interesting point of view, personally I don't see adults change, unless you have great emotional strength.Jjust get some help from somewhere and get away
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Ifog671 » Sat Nov 25, 2017 4:47 pm

Or run....(mod edit)
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Re: He financially and emotionally abuses me.

Postby Ifog671 » Sat Nov 25, 2017 7:23 pm

Mod edit
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