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Withholding sex = Emotional Abuse?

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Withholding sex = Emotional Abuse?

Postby Buttercup1977 » Mon Sep 25, 2017 1:56 am

Hi all,

I will try to sum this up as concisely as I can to avoid a long post. My on and off again boyfriend of 7 years has recently bought a restaurant. I am currently not working due to bipolar disorder symptoms. That said, I am a very nice person and supportive girlfriend. I try my best to make sure our home is clean due to the fact I am not working. I also support him emotionally because of the stress of the restaurant.
We haven't had sex in four months. The other day I initiated sex with him to which he replied "Maybe I will if you help me at the restaurant more". I stayed silent. I was taken aback. He has a restaurant manager to do the things he asks of me. I am not a restaurant manager. My background is in finance. This morning, I had ironed his shirts and he was very happy. He said "Maybe you deserve some (sex)." Again, I was silent because I've never heard such ridiculousness. An ironed shirt?
I walk on eggshells around him depending on his mood. Am I being unreasonable?
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Re: Withholding sex = Emotional Abuse?

Postby salted lipstick » Tue Oct 03, 2017 1:19 pm

Wow, that's definitely abusive. "Do this for me and maybe I'll give you something you want" is essentially what he's saying, which is definitely abusive.

With holding physical love and affection from somebody is emotionally abusive. Sex is about closeness and intimacy. Essentially, he is trying to use it as a bargaining chip to manipulate you into being compliant in taking on responsibilities that aren't yours to take up.

Question is, what are you going to do about it?
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Re: Withholding sex = Emotional Abuse?

Postby seabreezeblue » Tue Oct 03, 2017 1:41 pm

If he'd been saying "Maybe I will if you help me at the restaurant more" to indicate that he's feeling like he's doing everything on his own, and you're not supporting him, therefore he's not feeling like having sex with you..
then I could totally understand his point.. But he's actually trying to use sex as a tool to control you = yep, that's really really unacceptable.

How are you feeling today about this, and what do you think you'd like to do? Is he fairly reasonable in general and open to discussion?
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