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Need help/advice!

Open Discussions About Verbal Abuse.

Need help/advice!

Postby prayers76 » Tue Aug 29, 2017 10:26 pm

Hello everyone,
I am 40yo and have been married to my 41yo husband for 13yrs. However, we dated for many years prior to this. We have an 11yo daughter. My husband grew up in an abusive environment. His mother is an alcoholic and his father also had substance abuse issues. When he is angry, he is verbally abusive. After our daughter was born, he stopped being the center of my world and in his words, "felt neglected" which drove him to drink and come and go as he pleased. We separated in 2010, but only for a few months. Later that year, he lost his brother to suicide and that sent him right back over the ends and he began drinking and going out on the weekends. I ended up finding attention elsewhere and he found out about it. He 'forgave me' and we tried to make it work. We went to therapy and things were not easy. I lost 37lbs in a matter of months and have basically become a recluse. I don't have any real friends that I talk to or hang out with. My world is my daughter, my husband, and my work. He constantly finds things wrong with me and blames me for everything. If he feels any defiance whatsoever, it instantly triggers him. Now I am seeing the same behavior with our daughter. The latest incident was on Friday when we were out to dinner. I look up from my plate and see him shooting daggers in my direction. Instantly, my anxiety kicks in. I know that look and he must think I'm staring at someone. Sure enough, when we get home, he goes on about how disappointed he is and that I can't keep my "dick in my pants" and was staring at one of the waiters constantly. I swear I was doing no such thing and was completely oblivious to anything going on outside of our table. He begins to verbally assault me and bring up my past (he does this constantly). He uses such derogatory language and I feel like I'm almost numb to it now. I no longer cry or show him that it hurts me. On Saturday, he proceeded to come and go as he pleased while I stayed home and cleaned and did laundry. He came in about 10pm-ish. He also told me that he no longer wanted to be married to me (he says this quite often), but he appears to be serious this time and said he consulting with an attorney. I don't know what he is expecting of me. I didn't want this to happen, but I am tired of constantly being reminded of and punished for my past. Lord knows I don't do that to him. If I bring it up it's to bring him back down to reality that he is not beyond mistakes. So what should I do? My daughter knows something is going on and does not want us to split up. Please help! I have no one to talk to. ;(
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